I am so excited to be alive!!! If everyone could understand what it feels like to feel dead, lifeless, immovable, unable, incapable… and then to be given life back!!! You would be so grateful for EVERYTHING that you are able to do, see, and be a part of!
The last 12 years were spent in sickness. It felt like I was dying over and over again. I’d gain my freedom, and something else would happen. 4 times stuck in a bed. 4 times fighting through issues. Trying to find out who I was when I couldn’t accomplish ANYTHING. Trying to find out what was wrong with me. Trying to figure out how to heal, so that my children wouldn’t have to go through what I have.
I learned to let people love me. It is not a weakness to ask for help. I learned that even though I couldn’t do it, God sent someone to help me; to love me. No, they weren’t perfect. But, neither am I.
I learned to love my husband, my caregiver, my friend (not my enemy.) The little spats didn’t matter. The messy house didn’t matter. Priorities went back where they belonged.
I learned to love my children instead of putting unrealistic expectations on them. I learned that we are all different and that it’s okay. Miscommunication can be worked through. Boundaries can be set.
I have learned to love myself. Those mistakes that I was so hard on myself for were learning steps. Thomas Edison tried 1,000 times before he successfully invented the light bulb. I have no idea how many times I tried before I could walk successfully the first time. We only fail when we give up. I don’t have to be perfect, but I can keep trying to be better one attempt at a time.
I learned that I didn’t need to have everything that I wanted in order to have joy. I learned to be thankful for the hardships, not a victim full of fear. There is something good in every day. There is something that I can learn in the pain.
God can use this for my good and the good of others. I have learned that I can still help others even lying in a bed. I can text encouragement, pray for others, and share what I have learned and overcome thus far even though I still have further to go.
I learned that God can work miracles even when we can’t see how. I learned to listen closely to His Spirit and to follow directions. I had never walked so close to God before.
I found the answers to heal on this journey, and I no longer have to worry about my children’s future. God wants me to use this information to help more than just my family, and I am excited to be living again!!!
Happy Birthday to me! I’m Free to be the person God created me to be!!!
I was sitting on the plane beside my husband getting ready to go on our honeymoon. I’d never been on a plane before let alone over 2,000 miles away from my family. I looked out of the window to see my Mom, Dad, and sister waving in the window. All of a sudden, I realized that I wanted my Daddy! The man who’d protected me, and made sure that I was taken care of… The man who’d taken me in for stitches, knew that I’d need health insurance with my accident-prone self, the man who could pick me up and carry me to help if needed… How was this barely out of teenage-hood husband going to take care of me if he didn’t know me! Now, mind you, we had dated off and on throughout our teenage years, but he didn’t understand me like my Daddy!
The flight attendant spoke to everyone on the flight just then: “Folks, we have over-booked this flight. Would anyone be willing to get on a later flight, and receive extra flight miles compensation?” I didn’t care what that meant, but I knew I could get off right then. I started to stand, and my husband grabbed my hand, and shook his head, “no.” But… But… As we took off, I cried. I knew they were crying, too. This was my new life. The man beside me would now take care of me. He would learn how to love me the way I needed. But I prayed with all my might that I could feel God’s presence with me, and that it would be okay.
As you embark on this new journey, you may very well be thinking, “We’ve got what many couples lack: True Love. All you need is Love.” But as the infatuation fades, and you are left with the hard work of building a love that lasts, I would like to prepare you with some wisdom that I have learned that I hope may help you on your new endeavor. Here are Some Gems I’ve Found in My Marriage that I Treasure…
Runaway Bride is one of my favorite movies. I laugh so hard at how she bolts in many various, spontaneous ways. But, I also love the moral. She was trying so hard to be what each potential spouse wanted her to be, and yet, she had no idea who she was. Even in my own life, I realized that I did the same thing. I wore red, because my husband liked it on me. I went along to every big event that he wanted me to until my body crashed again and again. So, if you don’t like eggs, you don’t have to eat them because your spouse tells you to. Do what’s right for you, and respect that your spouse may like something different.
#2 Make sure that Heavenly Father is FIRST in your life.
This person beside you may some days feel like a stranger to you. You may wonder how you can be so far apart and yet live together. You may not even like that person some days. But your Father in Heaven LOVES you and your spouse more than anyone ever could. He knows what each of you NEED. He knows the DESIRES of your hearts. He wants you to feel and BE LOVED because He IS love. Spend time with Him alone everyday. Talk to Him about your frustrations and express your thankfulness to Him at all times. You Never Have to Feel Alone. ❤
#3 PRAY FOR your spouse.
My mother warned me that there would be times that I wouldn’t like my spouse at all. I didn’t believe her until it happened to me after being married only 3yrs. But what did God ask me to do for him? Pray for him. That ONE change for me made all the difference. I didn’t want to. I was so angry at what I felt was mistreatment, that I wanted revenge. But I prayed for him because God asked me to.
I don’t mean the passive meaning of “I love my spouse” I mean to actually DO it. Evaluate the Love Languages. Each person needs to know that they are loved in EVERY way, but there is one or two things that your spouse will crave to FEEL loved. Find out which one your spouse craves, and make sure that they are getting what they need. Find out which one you crave, and ask for it; teach your spouse how to love you better. And until they’ve got it down, keep asking God to show you that He loves you. When I craved hugs, my kids were more than willing. When I craved conversation, God gave me a couple of girl friends to fill that role. And in ANY of these love languages, do not intentionally deprive yourself or your spouse. I do not deserve… they do not deserve… it’s not about deserving love. Jesus’ Love is Unconditional, and being a follower of Him means that we are trying to be LIKE Him.
My husband and I decided to go on a marriage retreat with our church group. It was super fun to hang out with married couples. The one thing that I left with, though, was how we responded differently because of a personality assessment. Since then, I have researched and wanted to understand more: from the Greek Personality Profile to The Color Code to whatever the popular trend is. BUT Nothing has helped me more than the Dressing Your Truth program. I learned how our doodling, way of processing things, voice pitch, facial features, body shape, and body movement all fit into our energy type BECAUSE it’s how God made us. I was able to see that my greatest weaknesses were also my strengths depending on how I used them NOT depending on how other’s saw me. I am not only happy with who I am, but I am so grateful for how I can see, now, that my husband complements me.
#6 Be GRATEFUL.
Many spouses gripe about the things that they don’t like about their spouse, or nag their spouse to do what they want. “I don’t like the way he leaves the toothpaste lid off of the toothpaste… the toilet paper roll is the wrong way… the dirty clothes all over the floor… the house is too messy.” If you concentrate only on the things that you don’t like about your spouse, that is ALL that you will see. If you concentrate on the things that you LOVE about your spouse, you will see MORE of what you love. It is totally okay to respectfully and lovingly address things that you feel are hurtful or that you or your spouse could be better at. But it is NOT okay to be critical, to nag, or to publicly humiliate your spouse to get what you want… even if it’s a “joke.”
#7 Take a Time Out BEFORE things get too Heated.
Watching my parents argue, my mother would follow my dad and make him talk. Eventually, my dad would end up angry and he’d walk off mad. My husband would do the same thing and follow me when I walked away. Each person has the ability to gauge when they are too angry to think clearly. When you feel that trigger, take a time-out. WALK AWAY when you’re angry, and COME BACK when you’ve cooled off to talk again as many times and as long as it takes! No, it doesn’t have to be in the same night. Many people use the scripture “don’t let the sun go down on your anger” as a sermon on getting over being angry fast or hurry up and solve it before you go to bed. Some things are not that easily solvable. But taking a time-out from that subject, or even a cool-down time and coming back to talk about it when you’re ready, helps to solve things as companions not as opponents.
#8 Pornography is NOT a way to become closer together.
“Well maybe if we took pictures of… or imitated this action… or had multiple partners…” Seriously, if you want to be closer to your spouse, be close to God FIRST. The closer you are to Him, the more you try to be like Jesus, the more that the Spirit reigns in your home, the closer and more Passionate you will be together. My husband likes to say that ANY addiction that you have is trying to fill a God-shaped hole in your soul. When you fill yourself with God’s Love, God’s Word, and God’s Spirit, you won’t expect someone or something else to make you feel good. You will feel fulfilled.
#9 Counseling is for those Willing to Work it Out
I can’t tell you how many jokes I’ve heard as reasoning NOT to see a counselor; “I can’t see a ‘shrink.'” “I’m not crazy, so I’m still good.” “People can just put up with my insanity if they really love me.” After the loss of our first baby, my husband and I were fighting non-stop, and he finally agreed to see a counselor with me… to prove that I was crazy and needed help… my motives weren’t any better. We had been taught through our prior experiences that “counseling was for crazy people.” Please do not fall for this misconception. We were healed through counseling… a few times for different reasons. Needless to say, my husband had changed his mind about counseling and decided to pursue his calling in life to be a counselor and help others like us. If you are physically injured or in pain, you’d see a doctor. You don’t only have one physical pain in your life. If you need help working through some things mentally, see a counselor, so that it DOESN’T get out of hand, and be life-threatening, or marriage-threatening.
#10 Make Plans Together
So, for this last one, I thought I would combine all of the things that others have told me they wished they had known. This includes: Time Management, Budgeting, Cleaning, Cooking, and Parenting to name a few. These are things that you can discuss together, grow together, change together, and grow some more together. What you VALUE will be what you give your time, money, and energy to. If you value your job MORE than your spouse, your time management will focus around your job. If you value your children more than your spouse, your budget and time will show them as your priorities. If you want to make your marriage work, your spouse comes second only to God. If you want to be healthy, you need that alone time with God, time to rest, and time to play, as well as, work. If you want your parenting relationships to work, you need to find ways to spend time individually with each child. Your job should support these priorities. Your friends should support these priorities. Only a strong marriage union, can hope to become a strong family union. And only two people fully dependent on God individually, can hope to have a strong marriage union.
My mom used to tell me that I was “burning the candle at both ends” as a teenager by going to bed late and getting up early. From experience, we all know that our bodies cannot run on very little for long. Why? Because when our bodies are tired, our immune system (our wall of defense) is lowered allowing viruses to attack us. Whether you have asthma, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, or arthritis, environmental triggers will make your symptoms worse.
Here are some of those circumstances (besides Insomnia) where we may need more rest, time, and compassion to recover OR to stay completely clear of instead of pushing our hard-working bodies too far, and then crashing. Do NOT blame your body for working so hard to compensate.
Heavy Metals, such as mercury (mercury based fillings, mercury in foods: seafood, tuna, swordfish, etc.) arsenic, cadmium, lead, nickel, alloys, steel, aluminum, and copper, that are in our systems, including in our liver.
Foods including Eggs, Dairy, Corn, Wheat, Soy, Pork, Canola Oil, “Natural Flavors” (which is actually MSG), cane sugar, other preservatives, and processed foods. I also stay away from Rice and Oatmeal if they are not organic and gluten free because I can literally FEEL the trigger. Too much meat and fat (regardless of the organic nature) in your diet can also clog up your liver causing you to lose part of your immune system.
Insecticides in the home, (bug spray, ant spray, roach spray, etc.)
Carpet cleaner, air fresheners, fresh paint, and other chemical cleaners,
Emotional trauma in any form can weaken the immune system: Death in the family, Broken heart, Betrayal, Taking care of a sick loved one, Divorce, Financial strain etc.,
Medications: over prescribed amounts or high dosages, virus friendly medications like antibiotics and benzodiazepines, or drug abuse,
Hormone changes such as puberty, pregnancy, childbirth, etc.,
Physical injuries,
and more…
Your health is important. Taking good care of your body will help it to keep fighting off the viruses and strengthen the immune system you need to accomplish many good things that God has prepared you for in this life!
Don’t give up. You are worth it!
If you are already sensitive to these triggers, the truth is that your liver is already over-loaded with chemicals and needs to be cleansed.
Christmas Day, I received the final answer to my health puzzle. I said that HEALING, to me, means that I do not need meds and if I WANTED to, I COULD pursue any work I desired without worry about whether I could handle it.
January Changes:
Wk1-Celery Juice and lemon water
Wk2-beet/strawberry smoothie replacing cereal and magnet rings to sleep with
Wk3-blueberry/spinach smoothie adding to my meals and a commitment to stay away from cheese and wheat to heal.
Wk4-evaluating meds and supplements, lowered protein by half, and tried a couple of new recipes… You do NOT have to sacrifice taste to feel or get well!!!
I had 4 medications…
-I no longer need my asthma med.
-I do not need the extra herbs to sleep on top of meds and I’m actually sleeping!
-I’ve cut one anxiety med from a full pill daily down to a quarter (I just wanted to make sure that I didn’t need it. I won’t need it this week.)
-My steroid that keeps me standing has been cut in half and the doctor gave me the okay to get off of it, if I feel comfortable. It’s going this week.
-That leaves one anxiety medication.
This weekend, I went out with a friend for a few hours. The next day, went to a Women’s Conference for two half days and a night where I danced and stood to sing a few songs. Tomorrow, I’m driving to see my family at their church over an hour away. I’m not worried one bit. A little tired, but who wouldn’t be. I am healing!!!
My stomach feels cleaner, my ab muscles feel stronger, and I can think clearer.
Which opens up another calling for my future… a Health Coach. I have a few future callings (Promises) that God has been lining up for me while I’ve been seeking His answers for my healing.
But first, I want to get well, and stay there, and help my family, as well. This is going to be a GREAT Healing year for me!!
Just because you’ve been told that there is no cure, and that you’ll just have to learn to cope, does NOT make it so. There is an answer for every problem, and God answers prayers!!!
Today, while waiting on my daughter in speech therapy, I witnessed a beautiful mom walk in with her son. She was early for her appointment which gave me less time… less time to read without distraction… less time to help my easily distracted son with his homework. Her son is autistic and adorably jumping up and down when he laughed at the T.V. She was so kind to him; patient in giving him options and laughing with him. I ignored her to try and squeeze what time I could in to read and realized my son wasn’t going to concentrate anyway.
She concentrated on her son. She took a phone call from another child reminding him kindly and repeatedly to do his homework and chores. As my daughter came out of therapy, and her son’s therapist came to talk to her, she mentioned her frustration at the news of her son’s diagnosis: getting worse in his teens, and not making it past 40yrs with not being able to process a certain enzyme. No cure. No hope of one. I’m thinking, “This mom was just delivered some of the worst possible news, and she’s still incredibly patient, loving, and has a kind smile on her face.”
I butted in, apologized for eavesdropping, offered the hope we’d just gained through years of prayer and research, and left. She was even patient with me. What a beautiful love this woman has for her son to take such a hard task with kindness, perseverance, patience, and tolerance.
#1 How hard do I think my life is? Do I act like a victim?
#2 How selfless and grateful am I after receiving tough news?
#3 How tolerant am I with strangers butting in to my venting?
#4 Would I be able to accept hope if it were offered?
Thank you for your inspirational example of what Love looks like.
Christmas Day, I was tired. Extremely tired. I ate cereal and pancakes with syrup. We opened presents, then I slept. I got up, ate left-over pancakes or more cereal, did something, then slept.
Finally, in the evening, I begged my daughter to make me a green smoothie. She, of course, did so happily since she would get some. I immediately felt better and began to enjoy my gifts… after the kids went to bed. So, I realized juicing or smoothies are the way to feel better. I researched the Green Smoothie Girl, and another smoothie to try.
The next day, I asked a different question: “How to heal POTS?” Usually, I just research different healing techniques and pray about the validity of it. I received my final answer. Why did I not ask that specifically before? Did I, but I wasn’t ready for the answer?” As I looked back over the last year and a half… I received part of that answer twice, and I then trusted other sources and went a different route. This third time, I was ready. “Give me what you got, Lord! I’m ready to heal!”
This last answer came from an unlikely source. I was like, “Really? Is this really an answer from you, God? It seems questionable.” But, as I prayed and read more on this answer, I knew.. “This is me… this is my final answer to the puzzle. I can actually heal this year!!! Not just FEEL better, but GET WELL!” And, the more I realized what I knew in my heart was true the last 10 years of my health issues, “I’ve gone through this to help my whole family heal.”
So, I began trying the healing protocol, which included celery juice. Even just doing celery juice for a week… and I actually like it, now…. I feel stronger, clearer, and I looked in the mirror yesterday and didn’t see my normal dark circles under my eyes!!!
So, if this is your answer, great. If not, that’s okay, too. But I wanted to share that I am excited to see the light on my path… I am actually healing this New Year!!!
Last night, during our New Year partying with junk food and fun, I was researching how to do celery juice. I had previously read on how this is a great healer especially on an empty stomach in the morning. These anti-inflammatory properties can help with acid reflux, bloating, IBS, constipation, acne, eczema, and other inflammation issues in the body. Celery juice is very high in vitamin K which promotes general bone and heart health.
My husband grabbed his chest and said, “Oh man! I ate too much sugar. I’ve got acid reflux again,” and my 10yr old daughter, starts coughing like she’s dying. I’m like…. “uh, wanna try celery?” We don’t usually have celery, but since my husband knew that I was going to begin juicing it this week, he’d picked me up some. They both split a celery stick and both claimed that they felt better. Cool.
Today, I woke up feeling extremely tired. I had already made a goal to make celery juice before I ate, so I just had to get downstairs to make it. I zombied through it. Nothing, but celery and water using my food processor and blender. (1 celery stick – 1 cup of water) It didn’t taste that awesome, but I felt better right away.
The goal is to get up to 16oz in the morning before breakfast. (probably twice as much because I add water.) Now, granted, I could have added an apple to make it taste better until I get used to it and slowly adjust to plain celery juice. But, I want to heal as fast as possible. So, here we go!
FEB – I began going to an Integrative Medicine clinic, but then couldn’t afford the chiropractor. I talked to the nurse practitioner for 3 hours! We went over diet, nutrition, supplements, medications, exercise, and emotional health. It felt good to have everything taken care of for me. She told me to begin taking the steroid medication since I could barely walk without it, but that she’d help me get off of it when it was time. The nutritionist told me to add in “good fats” and pink Himalayan salt with everything I ate, and to eat more fruits and vegetables.
MAR – I began Physical Therapy. My trainer’s daughter has POTS, so she understands my dizziness. She even taught me a new coping technique! Even with a drop in blood pressure, I wondered if I might stay down again, I got back up! I rested and didn’t push too hard until I was able to work through it.
APRIL – Tried some new things, and kept up the things I’d been doing. Plenty of meds and supplements to go with my physical therapy, rest, and compression clothes. I spent two days in exhaustion for every moment of fun.
MAY – I was able to drive up to an hour. I graduated Physical Therapy. While I was continuing to get stronger, I feel like I was just given more coping techniques. I’d been able to organize a little at a time, and scrub carpets because they are on the floor.
JUNE – I’d been able to garden since the weather cooled down. I ran across a parking lot to see friends of mine at a restaurant which I hadn’t been able to do in a long time. I felt like I was coming out of hibernation like my garden one week, then the next be exhausted again. It’d been a year since my body crashed, and I was kinda frustrated that it was taking so long to heal this time.
JULY – I was able to visit friends and family, be down for a couple of weeks, and go visiting again. I missed people, but I would pay for it, as well. I began counseling this month: art therapy and EMDR, and upped my exercise amount to 30min.
AUG – I increased my endurance and resistance in exercising, even though my body kept going back down, and scaring me. It seems less and less each time.
SEPT – I was able to go on a walk with my dad for about an hour! I usually work out indoors on a treadmill and elliptical, so this was new! I’d been working outside whenever possible with the kids. They carry things for me, and I’d sit on the ground and work on it. (I would like to get up and not feel dizzy or think about every step I make. )
OCT – I’d been working really hard on my thoughts staying positive, as well as, correcting my family.
NOV – I missed my meds/supplements one morning taking the kids to their appointments and had to recover for a few days. Said goodbye in this life to a couple of very dear supportive friends of ours. I forgot to reorder an anxiety med and it gave me electric shocks for Thanksgiving. I tried wearing magnets to stop the shock, and it did help until I was able to get my meds.
My New Year GOALS: I think these are enough to keep me busy for a while! 😊
#1 Now that my meds, supplements, and salt levels are stabilized, my next GOAL is to stand and sing while directing music NOT using something to prop me up. I have come a long way from sitting with legs propped up and sometimes not even having energy to sing.
#2 Since I am able to exercise without Physical Therapy, and I’m working up to exercising everyday, my next GOAL is to be able to run long-distance!
#3 Since I am working on many different types of healing therapies and learning to cope well moment by moment, my next GOAL is to be able to manage my home: sleep patterns, stress levels, and discipline…. maybe pick up some more housework one at a time when ready.
#4 Since I am beginning to have fun outside my home, too, my GOAL is to remember to be aware of my needs and abilities first, and set boundaries to keep myself safe.
This last week after Thanksgiving, I felt sorry for myself. I had seen the lives of so many other people and how different mine is. I prefer to live in a place of being grateful for everything I’m able to do, and everyone I’m able to see… But I could never keep up with those that run their kids places everyday or people who make dinner every night or people who are able to work everyday… I have a long way to go!
As I left my Mom’s, she thanked me for helping out, and I shook my head and told her that I wished I could do more. She reminded me, “Look how far you’ve come since last year!” So, yes, I no longer need to be pushed, pulled, or carried from room to room–I am no longer passing out on the floor everyday–I am doing my best to take care of myself and my children–I can sing now while last year, I was too tired to sit up long.
Everyday, I talk myself through taking care of myself: Get up, eat, take your meds, exercise, take care of your body, stay calm, take your vitamins, eat again, research more healing techniques, drink enough, take a time out, refresh, go again, you’ve got this, take your meds again, don’t give up, hold on tight so you don’t fall, you’re totally worth it, and sleep enough. That’s on top of other things I keep trying to add in plus being a wife and mother. If something emotionally and mentally strenuous is added in, sometimes I forget to take care of me again, but I recover, laugh, and try again.
I’m being prepared for a different mission than those wonderful, amazing people I compared myself to. I am okay right here, where I’m at, and I’m pressing on enjoying life regardless!
I must confess, I haven’t looked upon this last year as necessarily a blessing to our family. I saw a lot of distress from all sides, and I guess I blamed myself for my body not working correctly.
But this week, I noticed something different. I’ve been up and down the past couple of weeks and I went down again halfway through the week.
#1 My husband didn’t bat an eye. He walked in from work and asked, “What do you need? Is there anything I can do for you?”
#2 My oldest children, took over as Mom and Dad putting children to bed, helping me up and down stairs, to the bathroom, and with food/meds.
#3 One of my children went with me to get labs done, and pushed or pulled me to and from places.
#4 My youngest prayed for me tonight… I mean, it was ALL for me. “Help Mommy feel better with …. help her to heal and not hurt anymore…” etc. If you know her, that’s not usually the case. She even gets mad when it’s someone else’s birthday!
And I thought, “How can this be a bad thing? My children have learned that problems come with being a family, that family helps each other other, and that compassion and service are what people need when they are down.” So, okay, God. I get it. It’s not about me. It’s about the love you have for us and sharing it with each other. Thank you.
Journey back to Eden 