Tag Archive | Journey

Happy Birthday to me!!!! 

I am so excited to be alive!!! If everyone could understand what it feels like to feel dead, lifeless, immovable, unable, incapable… and then to be given life back!!! You would be so grateful for EVERYTHING that you are able to do, see, and be a part of! 

 

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The last 12 years were spent in sickness. It felt like I was dying over and over again. I’d gain my freedom, and something else would happen. 4 times stuck in a bed. 4 times fighting through issues. Trying to find out who I was when I couldn’t accomplish ANYTHING. Trying to find out what was wrong with me. Trying to figure out how to heal, so that my children wouldn’t have to go through what I have.  

 

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I learned to let people love me. It is not a weakness to ask for help. I learned that even though I couldn’t do it, God sent someone to help me; to love me. No, they weren’t perfect. But, neither am I. 

 

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I learned to love my husband, my caregiver, my friend (not my enemy.) The little spats didn’t matter. The messy house didn’t matter. Priorities went back where they belonged. 

 

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I learned to love my children instead of putting unrealistic expectations on them. I learned that we are all different and that it’s okay. Miscommunication can be worked through. Boundaries can be set. 

 

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I have learned to love myself. Those mistakes that I was so hard on myself for were learning steps. Thomas Edison tried 1,000 times before he successfully invented the light bulb. I have no idea how many times I tried before I could walk successfully the first time. We only fail when we give up. I don’t have to be perfect, but I can keep trying to be better one attempt at a time. 

 

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I learned that I didn’t need to have everything that I wanted in order to have joy. I learned to be thankful for the hardships, not a victim full of fear. There is something good in every day. There is something that I can learn in the pain. 

 

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God can use this for my good and the good of others. I have learned that I can still help others even lying in a bed. I can text encouragement, pray for others, and share what I have learned and overcome thus far even though I still have further to go. 

 

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I learned that God can work miracles even when we can’t see how. I learned to listen closely to His Spirit and to follow directions. I had never walked so close to God before. 

 

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I found the answers to heal on this journey, and I no longer have to worry about my children’s future. God wants me to use this information to help more than just my family, and I am excited to be living again!!!

 

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Happy Birthday to me!
I’m Free to be the person God created me to be!!!

 

 

This Amazing Journey

About 6 months ago, I experienced Chronic Fatigue and Chronic Pain… and it has been an AMAZING JOURNEY!!!

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I began, like anyone would, experiencing grief for my health. I was very emotional, I felt defeated and frustrated, and I felt a great loss. This is necessary, however, I am not one to stay hopeless. I know that there are answers out there and I know that as we seek God for these answers, He WILL provide.

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I began with a Fight

A Fight against my connective tissue disorder: Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.

A Fight against taking care of everyone else but me.

A Fight to take care of myself.

A Fight to want to heal and provide answers for myself and my children who also have EDS.

A Fight to be heard; I did not want to feel alone and keep the suffering to myself. A Fight to ask for help.

A Fight to Keep Positive knowing that I didn’t have to stay this way no matter what others around me kept saying.

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My sister gave me a Christmas gift of a beautiful bracelet that brought me to tears. I felt understood, encouraged, and supported in that moment. It was a reminder to keep pressing on when I wore it.

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The more that I convinced myself that it was okay to be honest and to talk about it to others, the more I found support and love. I did not expect that. It was hard for me, being a private person, to say that anything was wrong with me or that I needed help. I had felt so much misunderstanding from health professionals, having to argue their misinformation, that I expected more misunderstandings. That happened in the beginning as I got the “What?” looks from people and the looks from others thinking I wanted a pity party. But there were so many more that became my supports even if only in their kind encouragement and prayers.

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As I began to find answers, some all at once and others slowly, I began to incorporate them. My own family was questioning me, but I just knew that when God lead me to an answer, I had to go for it. (Honestly, if they’d known how long I’d prayed about it and researched it before knowing that it was right for me, they probably would have understood a lot easier, but change is hard and scary nonetheless) I began to accept this beautiful person that God created me to be.

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Last month, walking into one of my specialist’s offices, he was shocked at how different I was. He asked me if he could sign the book that I was going to write. I laughed it off, but he wanted to know all that I had been doing to heal. So, I listed the things off for him. He was amazed that I had sought out many different avenues and he encouraged me to keep going. How neat to hear from a doctor!

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My husband, being a counselor, talks about the 4 different areas of our life that we need to be healthy. He likes to compare them to the legs of a chair. If one of these 4 legs is damaged, it affects all of the other legs, as well as, the ability to stand on it’s own.

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I am not done searching and applying answers that I have been given, as well as, those I have not yet received. I will continue to seek them out as long as I breathe. I am an example to these children of mine who will have similar challenges because of EDS and will also have many other challenges that I may have never experienced. But I am grateful to be on this AMAZING JOURNEY! I am so amazed at how God never leaves us alone and how He always keeps His promises.

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So, to others who are currently in the grieving process, Do not be afraid to fight, search, pray, accept, and love yourself enough to change. The answers ARE out there and you CAN make a difference!

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