Tag Archive | Energy Profiling

10 Gems I’ve Found and Treasure in My Marriage

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I was sitting on the plane beside my husband getting ready to go on our honeymoon. I’d never been on a plane before let alone over 2,000 miles away from my family. I looked out of the window to see my Mom, Dad, and sister waving in the window. All of a sudden, I realized that I wanted my Daddy! The man who’d protected me, and made sure that I was taken care of… The man who’d taken me in for stitches, knew that I’d need health insurance with my accident-prone self, the man who could pick me up and carry me to help if needed… How was this barely out of teenage-hood husband going to take care of me if he didn’t know me! Now, mind you, we had dated off and on throughout our teenage years, but he didn’t understand me like my Daddy!

 

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The flight attendant spoke to everyone on the flight just then: “Folks, we have over-booked this flight. Would anyone be willing to get on a later flight, and receive extra flight miles compensation?” I didn’t care what that meant, but I knew I could get off right then. I started to stand, and my husband grabbed my hand, and shook his head, “no.” But… But… As we took off, I cried. I knew they were crying, too. This was my new life. The man beside me would now take care of me. He would learn how to love me the way I needed. But I prayed with all my might that I could feel God’s presence with me, and that it would be okay.

 

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As you embark on this new journey, you may very well be thinking, “We’ve got what many couples lack: True Love. All you need is Love.” But as the infatuation fades, and you are left with the hard work of building a love that lasts, I would like to prepare you with some wisdom that I have learned that I hope may help you on your new endeavor. Here are Some Gems I’ve Found in My Marriage that I Treasure…

 

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#1 Know Thyself and to Thine Own Self Be True

Runaway Bride is one of my favorite movies. I laugh so hard at how she bolts in many various, spontaneous ways. But, I also love the moral. She was trying so hard to be what each potential spouse wanted her to be, and yet, she had no idea who she was. Even in my own life, I realized that I did the same thing. I wore red, because my husband liked it on me. I went along to every big event that he wanted me to until my body crashed again and again. So, if you don’t like eggs, you don’t have to eat them because your spouse tells you to. Do what’s right for you, and respect that your spouse may like something different.

 

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#2 Make sure that Heavenly Father is FIRST in your life.

This person beside you may some days feel like a stranger to you. You may wonder how you can be so far apart and yet live together. You may not even like that person some days. But your Father in Heaven LOVES you and your spouse more than anyone ever could. He knows what each of you NEED. He knows the DESIRES of your hearts. He wants you to feel and BE LOVED because He IS love. Spend time with Him alone everyday. Talk to Him about your frustrations and express your thankfulness to Him at all times. You Never Have to Feel Alone. ❤

 

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#3 PRAY FOR your spouse.

My mother warned me that there would be times that I wouldn’t like my spouse at all. I didn’t believe her until it happened to me after being married only 3yrs. But what did God ask me to do for him? Pray for him. That ONE change for me made all the difference. I didn’t want to. I was so angry at what I felt was mistreatment, that I wanted revenge. But I prayed for him because God asked me to.

 

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#4 LOVE your spouse.

I don’t mean the passive meaning of “I love my spouse” I mean to actually DO it. Evaluate the Love Languages. Each person needs to know that they are loved in EVERY way, but there is one or two things that your spouse will crave to FEEL loved. Find out which one your spouse craves, and make sure that they are getting what they need. Find out which one you crave, and ask for it; teach your spouse how to love you better. And until they’ve got it down, keep asking God to show you that He loves you. When I craved hugs, my kids were more than willing. When I craved conversation, God gave me a couple of girl friends to fill that role. And in ANY of these love languages, do not intentionally deprive yourself or your spouse. I do not deserve… they do not deserve… it’s not about deserving love. Jesus’ Love is Unconditional, and being a follower of Him means that we are trying to be LIKE Him.

 

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#5 Try to UNDERSTAND your spouse.

My husband and I decided to go on a marriage retreat with our church group. It was super fun to hang out with married couples. The one thing that I left with, though, was how we responded differently because of a personality assessment. Since then, I have researched and wanted to understand more: from the Greek Personality Profile to The Color Code to whatever the popular trend is. BUT Nothing has helped me more than the Dressing Your Truth program. I learned how our doodling, way of processing things, voice pitch, facial features, body shape, and body movement all fit into our energy type BECAUSE it’s how God made us. I was able to see that my greatest weaknesses were also my strengths depending on how I used them NOT depending on how other’s saw me. I am not only happy with who I am, but I am so grateful for how I can see, now, that my husband complements me.

 

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#6 Be GRATEFUL.

Many spouses gripe about the things that they don’t like about their spouse, or nag their spouse to do what they want. “I don’t like the way he leaves the toothpaste lid off of the toothpaste… the toilet paper roll is the wrong way… the dirty clothes all over the floor… the house is too messy.” If you concentrate only on the things that you don’t like about your spouse, that is ALL that you will see. If you concentrate on the things that you LOVE about your spouse, you will see MORE of what you love. It is totally okay to respectfully and lovingly address things that you feel are hurtful or that you or your spouse could be better at. But it is NOT okay to be critical, to nag, or to publicly humiliate your spouse to get what you want… even if it’s a “joke.”

 

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#7 Take a Time Out BEFORE things get too Heated. 

Watching my parents argue, my mother would follow my dad and make him talk. Eventually, my dad would end up angry and he’d walk off mad. My husband would do the same thing and follow me when I walked away. Each person has the ability to gauge when they are too angry to think clearly. When you feel that trigger, take a time-out. WALK AWAY when you’re angry, and COME BACK when you’ve cooled off to talk again as many times and as long as it takes! No, it doesn’t have to be in the same night. Many people use the scripture “don’t let the sun go down on your anger” as a sermon on getting over being angry fast or hurry up and solve it before you go to bed. Some things are not that easily solvable. But taking a time-out from that subject, or even a cool-down time and coming back to talk about it when you’re ready, helps to solve things as companions not as opponents.

 

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#8 Pornography is NOT a way to become closer together. 

“Well maybe if we took pictures of… or imitated this action… or had multiple partners…” Seriously, if you want to be closer to your spouse, be close to God FIRST. The closer you are to Him, the more you try to be like Jesus, the more that the Spirit reigns in your home, the closer and more Passionate you will be together.  My husband likes to say that ANY addiction that you have is trying to fill a God-shaped hole in your soul. When you fill yourself with God’s Love, God’s Word, and God’s Spirit, you won’t expect someone or something else to make you feel good. You will feel fulfilled.

 

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#9 Counseling is for those Willing to Work it Out

I can’t tell you how many jokes I’ve heard as reasoning NOT to see a counselor; “I can’t see a ‘shrink.'” “I’m not crazy, so I’m still good.” “People can just put up with my insanity if they really love me.” After the loss of our first baby, my husband and I were fighting non-stop, and he finally agreed to see a counselor with me… to prove that I was crazy and needed help… my motives weren’t any better. We had been taught through our prior experiences that “counseling was for crazy people.” Please do not fall for this misconception. We were healed through counseling… a few times for different reasons. Needless to say, my husband had changed his mind about counseling and decided to pursue his calling in life to be a counselor and help others like us. If you are physically injured or in pain, you’d see a doctor. You don’t only have one physical pain in your life. If you need help working through some things mentally, see a counselor, so that it DOESN’T get out of hand, and be life-threatening, or marriage-threatening.

 

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#10 Make Plans Together 

So, for this last one, I thought I would combine all of the things that others have told me they wished they had known. This includes: Time Management, Budgeting, Cleaning, Cooking, and Parenting to name a few. These are things that you can discuss together, grow together, change together, and grow some more together. What you VALUE will be what you give your time, money, and energy to. If you value your job MORE than your spouse, your time management will focus around your job. If you value your children more than your spouse, your budget and time will show them as your priorities. If you want to make your marriage work, your spouse comes second only to God. If you want to be healthy, you need that alone time with God, time to rest, and time to play, as well as, work. If you want your parenting relationships to work, you need to find ways to spend time individually with each child. Your job should support these priorities. Your friends should support these priorities. Only a strong marriage union, can hope to become a strong family union. And only two people fully dependent on God individually, can hope to have a strong marriage union.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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10 Things I Learned from my Type 1: Fun-Loving Son

TripodGirl_funny_face1024Type 1 is my Secondary Energy Type. I realized that after Facial Profiling myself because I was so confused trying to figure it out. In the past, I had subconsciously tried NOT to be myself because I felt that it was wrong. After I realized that Type 1 was my Secondary, I thought back to my childhood to see if this type was true for me. I remember being laughed at by my dad and called “naive,” “forgetful,” and “blonde.” These were not honoring to me, so I chose to try my hardest to be different. I also began thinking the same of other Type 1’s. Now, I’m so excited to be me! Here are some more things that I’ve learned from my Type 1 Son after reading the Child Whisperer.

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1.Type 1’s are High-Energy. My Type 1 son is usually found jumping off numerous things, climbing up walls, and racing around the house with a BIG smile on his face. Most people say that this is normal “boy behavior.” Honestly, my Type 4 son was NOT this way. Some people classify this as ADHD behavior, but I have learned, now, that it is an amazing way that this sweet, crazy, fun boy of mine was made. I am so grateful to see my son as “Fearfully and Wonderfully Made” (Psalm 139:14) instead of another problem to deal with.

 

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2.If it’s not Fun, what’s the point?!  I had been having a hard time trying to get my Type 1 to do school or chores. After learning that it just might be high energy and stopped comparing him to other kids or what I thought he should be, I began to get through to him more. Yes, I do still expect him to respect the place and time to be crazy fun, but I respect him, also for the way he is. It wasn’t just that he needed to MOVE more, it’s that he didn’t feel it was fun or even as fun as something else he could be doing.

Because I Homeschool, I was able to have a little more freedom to experiment. I started finding ways to make school fun; I would have him take a break when he felt frustrated and do something else: “Finish this line” or “Finish this page and you can…” climb up the wall, dance in a circle, give a high five, or make a silly face. Within the first couple of weeks of doing this, my son began to cling to me. I realized, that he felt understood by me and it made me happy and sad at the same time. He didn’t feel understood by anybody else. He also began to recite more of what he had learned in school with me and I was shocked.

Then I put up a list of “Making Chores Fun” around the house. I began teaching the older kids in the house how to get my Type 1 to do chores with them. I changed our bedtime routine to race each other up the stairs before the tickle monster came. Before the Child Whisperer, my Type 1 and Type 4 sons clashed constantly. Now, they are understanding each other better, and MOST of the time allowing each other to be who they are. I occasionally still take them aside to remind them that they are different and that’s okay.

 

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3.Type 1’s are Random.  For Type 1’s it’s very easy to become distracted. I have often laughed at myself and others for forgetting things. I have realized that sometimes, it just goes with being Type 1 and to laugh about it. Other times, I realize that Type 1’s need and crave spontaneous behavior and randomness. Strict schedules are helpful, but can be too restrictive.

We have a set time for school in the morning. Sometimes, it can be very difficult to try and get my Type 1 to focus. I’ve realized that sometimes it’s not about making it fun, but changing it up a bit. Just switching to a different book when overwhelmed can be a big relief. Other times, I use what is distracting my Type 1 son to focus. “When you finish this line, you can play with your doll” “…..put your head inside your shirt.” “….sing that song you want to sing.” whatever he is getting distracted by in the moment.

Also, Surprises are the best way of showing love to a Type 1. My Type 1 loves getting random toys that I picked up at a swap meet or dollar store just because I love him. Tickling surprises, random kisses, and taking him to the park without him knowing where we’re going are all fun, random, and spontaneous ways of showing my Type 1 that I love him!

 

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4. Being Loud may just be an expression of Happiness Bubbling Over!!! Many times, my Type 1 son will walk into the room and randomly shout “Boom!” for fun or run up to someone to tickle them. He is so excited and naturally optimistic that he wants to share it with everyone!

I am naturally a quiet person (Type 2) and Loud noises aren’t something that I usually like. I have learned to state to my Type 1 Son that it does scare me when he does that. I state that I really enjoy being with him, but then suggest another way of addressing me. I also have certain places deemed for being loud inside the house.

I have found that sometimes when I talk to a girl friend of mine, I get overly excited about sharing something important to me and I get loud. That has often scared me that I would “get out of control” like that. But now, I realize that it’s just my Secondary Type 1 coming out in a passionate excited way. And it’s okay!

 

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5. Type 1’s like to make people Happy! It is common to find Type 1’s as the Class Clowns or making jokes to make you smile. My sweet Type 1 Son has ALWAYS made me laugh. When he was little, he had the biggest grin, I couldn’t help but laugh with him. He always knew how to get me to smile. When my Type 1 Son feels that I am upset, he will give me a hug, smile at me, and tell me that he loves me. One day, we were all watching a movie as a family. My Type 1 Son jumped into my lap and began kissing me to get me to laugh and pay attention to him. We giggled through most of the movie.

Because Type 1’s love to make people happy, they often sacrifice what they want. Sometimes my Type 1’s older siblings can take advantage of his being willing to share. It’s easier to ‘give in’ than to have contention. I sometimes do need to remind my Type 1 Son that it is okay to say what he wants, too.

 

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6. Type 1’s have Tons of Brilliant Ideas! My Type 1 Son can offer many ideas of fun things he would like to do all within seconds of each other. “Let’s play a game! Let’s watch a movie! Let’s ride bikes! Let’s go swimming! Let’s play Legos!” When Type 1’s feel like they HAVE to follow through on ALL of the ideas that they have, they can get very overwhelmed. Again, they just love the freedom to be spontaneous.

One of my sisters loves to offer different ideas after we have established plans. I used to get upset wondering why she’d change things on me! I realize now, that it is a way of trying to make everyone happy. Somebody in the group expressed a concern about the plans and she was trying to offer more ideas to make everyone happy.

 

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7.Type 1’s crave socializing! One of my Type 1 Friends is amazing at getting a group of friends together. The more, the merrier! They love being with friends and everybody IS their friend. However, it doesn’t mean that they want to hang out with everyone. After learning that Type 1’s love to be around friends, I decided to take my Type 1 son with me to a New Year’s party. He stood beside me most of the time because he didn’t know the family well. (They also had many Type 1’s in their family) I then realized that it had to be someone he knew and trusted.

Having a Secondary Type 1, as well, I need to be around a friend or two at least once a week. At my home church, I am a social butterfly. As a Homeschooler, we have a few families that I trust to hang out with once a week. Type 1’s need to have fun with friends or they literally feel like they are dying inside.

 

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8. Type 1’s do not mind being the Center of Attention! It is most often Type 1’s in the public limelight. When my Type 2 Daughter (with a Secondary 1) decided that she was going to sing a solo at church, My Type 1 Son said that he had wanted to do it, too! It’s not that Type 1’s are attention hogs, it’s that they are happy to have fun in front of others; they feel free to be themselves. We all have gifts to bring to the table.  I recently realized this Type 1 gift of theirs when I asked a Type 1 friend of mine to address our group of friends. I didn’t mind talking to them, but getting everyone’s attention is something that makes my heart race; it is not natural for me to shout. I’m thankful for their ability be themselves and have fun with it!

 

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9. Anger may be explosive and over just as fast! Some days, I will ask my Type 1 Son to do something that he doesn’t want to do. He throws a big fit like it’s the end of the world. When I first began learning that he liked fun, I would try to make him feel better by tickling or teasing him. It only made it worse and the anger kept escalating. I then changed it to, “Okay, come down when you’re ready.” He would announce “NEVER!” and yet be back in 5 minutes saying he was sorry and did as I asked. By allowing him to be angry, I’m letting him work through it. If I treated him like a terrible person for losing his temper, he might never truly learn to control it, because he’d never learn to express it. However, I do let him know kindly that he wouldn’t like it if I yelled at him.

 

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10. Media can be Superfun but doesn’t have to last all day! I have noticed that my Type 1 friends love games, movies, and music. My Type 1 Son has always loved board and card games. I began playing with these types of games with him when he begged me at 3yrs old. Once a week, we do a board game together.

He also began asking that we watch a movie EVERYDAY! That’s something that I don’t allow everyday, but we do have a Movie Night once a week with a Dance Party afterwards with the credits. I have suggested that they make movies instead and have often found my camera missing and in their possession. I like to encourage their creativity, not inactivity.

My family is very big on music. Growing up, my family had a lot of Type 1s. We would naturally use lyrics or song titles in conversations. Someone would say, “I’m so excited!” and one of us would naturally jump in with “I’m so excited! That I just can’t hide it.”

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I hope that this encourages you with your Type 1 to see the good Fun-Loving person that they really are. We don’t have to put each other down for being different. We can love each other, understand each other, and let each other become the gifts we were meant to be to each other.



Other related articles:

10 Things I Learned as a Type 2 Mom with a Type 2: Sensitive Daughter

10 Things I Learned from my Type 3: Determined Daughter

10 Things I Learned from my Type 4: Serious Son

Dressing Your Truth

Relationships

The Child Whisperer



Dressing Your Truth

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I was sitting there in my pajamas, feeling exhausted and sick from Chronic Pain and Fatigue, and scrolling the computer for answers. The program “Dressing Your Truth” appeared in an ad on the side. At first, I rolled my eyes thinking, “Ugh. Dressing better isn’t going to make me feel better.”

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But, as I thought more about it, I began to see some logic, “If I dressed better, maybe I wouldn’t have to look sick. I hate negative attention. Dressing in my pajamas is not making me feel any better. I don’t want people coming over to see me like this even if they do want to help. Maybe it’ll at least give me something else to concentrate on.” At the time, there was a deal for $99 instead of $299, so I decided to go for it. I know, I know… I could have wasted $100! But I felt at the time that I needed to do something drastic. Now, I feel this program is worth much more to me than that.

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Dressing Your Truth is more than a materialistic fashion program. It is an “energy profiling” program. It’s matching up your colors, textures, and designs to your energy. It’s learning to appreciate and be who you are instead of trying to be like everyone else. I have always loved learning about personalities, and learning about “energy profiling” was not much different, except that it was more.

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I figured out which “energy” I was, took my time watching other DYT videos before finalizing… and then I hit the wrong button. Oh no! I’d asked for the Type 1 program! (I thought I’d get to check out each program before deciding. It was a final button there.) I tried to immediately fix my mistake, worried about it until my things came in the mail, (totally a Type 2 thing), hurried and sent the cards back, and read the book in two days. While waiting for my Type 2 cards, I watched every DYT video that I could watch; sometimes going back and forth between 4 videos at a time while researching more. (a reference to my secondary energy type)

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As I began to test out trying to be a Type 2, I began to try to get up and clean, then rest. My husband came home one day shocked at how much I’d accomplished. I was thinking, “Are you kidding? Do you know how much I rested today?” But I took the compliment and tried it out the rest of the week. My husband said he thought I was getting better. I began to think, “There’s something to this energy profiling thing.”

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I was mesmerized at all the information that I was learning! I wanted to figure out everyone else around me, too! I had only one problem. I couldn’t figure out my Secondary. I thought it was probably a Type 3 because of how much I loved to accomplish things around the house…. when I was well. Or how I could be pushy with the kids to actively get done like Jillian Michaels. I tried to figure out the facial profiling, but didn’t get it. I reread the book many times and it wasn’t until I started watching the DYT Dominant/Secondary videos for what they were saying instead of what they were wearing that it began to make sense. (they just updated the program to include more videos, as well) I was not a 2/3. I am a 2/1. And the rush of emotions and realizations began to hit me hard!

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My father made fun of “blondes” and asked me if I was a blonde all the time. He called me, ‘naïve,’ ‘ditzy,’ and I was constantly losing things. I was asked many times mockingly, “If your head wasn’t attached would you lose it?” And all of this came flooding back with tears. I was an angry little girl all the time because I did not feel I could be me. I began looking at facial profiling again and saw my smile; the smile that stayed even when I was crying. I looked at pictures of my family and saw my mother and husband also have my smile. My mother had Type 1 energy! That was the encouraging positive outlook that I admired about her and always wanted to be. (Woah, wait a minute! I really did marry my mother!) My father was a 2/4 (both lower energies.) I was not. I pushed myself hard because I felt unworthy of love if I didn’t accomplish enough to be noticed/perfect; still looking for my father’s approval. As a Type 2/1, I was killing myself trying to be something that I wasn’t!

Others began to notice the way I dressed. I was dressing in soft, muted colors… I loved the way it all felt on my skin. My clothes no longer hurt to wear them. And I loved how elegant I felt. I bagged up everything in my closet that was not soft. I told my Type 4 mother that I was no longer wearing black and she was very distraught over me undoing what she’d taught me in that area. (Type 4’s look great in black. I’d just followed what I was taught.)  My clothes no longer hurt to wear.

I was excited to actually be the person I was created to be. I realized that by pushing my family the way I had been pushed, it was causing me anxiety and stress. I purchased the Child Whisperer and began to learn about each of my kids and how I could allow them the freedom that I was allowing myself to finally experience. One main difference between learning about the personalities through other programs or books and energy profiling is that most give you positive and negative attributes. Carol Tuttle’s programs teach you how to see the positive instead of the negative in each other’s attributes. She also gives plenty of insight into what to say to encourage each other instead of shut each other down with misunderstandings. What one may see as naïve, forgetful, and ditzy, another may see it as hopeful, playful, fun, and light. If we all learned to appreciate and understand each other’s differences instead of criticize what we don’t understand, we’d have a lot less angry and stressed out people.

I feel that through the Dressing Your Truth program, I gained the encouragement I needed to look for more answers to heal, more than just emotional, and to apply those answers to get well. It’s not about fashion, it’s about being me and loving that person. It’s about allowing others to be who they were created to be and appreciating them. It’s about more love and less stress and judgment. It’s about healing.



Other Related Articles:

10 Things I Learned from my Type 1: Fun-Loving Son

10 Things I Learned as a Type 2 with a Type 2: Sensitive Daughter

10 Things I Learned from my Type 4: Serious Son

The Child Whisperer