Tag Archive | Service

Happy Birthday to me!!!! 

I am so excited to be alive!!! If everyone could understand what it feels like to feel dead, lifeless, immovable, unable, incapable… and then to be given life back!!! You would be so grateful for EVERYTHING that you are able to do, see, and be a part of! 

 

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The last 10 years were spent in sickness. It felt like I was dying over and over again. I’d gain my freedom, and something else would happen. 4 times stuck in a bed. 4 times fighting through issues. Trying to find out who I was when I couldn’t accomplish ANYTHING. Trying to find out what was wrong with me. Trying to figure out how to heal, so that my children wouldn’t have to go through what I have.  

 

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I learned to let people love me. It is not a weakness to ask for help. I learned that even though I couldn’t do it, God sent someone to help me; to love me. No, they weren’t perfect. But, neither am I. 

 

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I learned to love my husband, my caregiver, my friend (not my enemy.) The little spats didn’t matter. The messy house didn’t matter. Priorities went back where they belonged. 

 

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I learned to love my children instead of putting unrealistic expectations on them. I learned that we are all different and that it’s okay. Miscommunication can be worked through. Boundaries can be set. 

 

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I have learned to love myself. Those mistakes that I was so hard on myself for were learning steps. Thomas Edison tried 1,000 times before he successfully invented the light bulb. I have no idea how many times I tried before I could walk successfully the first time. We only fail when we give up. I don’t have to be perfect, but I can keep trying to be better one attempt at a time. 

 

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I learned that I didn’t need to have everything that I wanted in order to have joy. I learned to be thankful for the hardships, not a victim full of fear. There is something good in every day. There is something that I can learn in the pain. 

 

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God can use this for my good and the good of others. I have learned that I can still help others even lying in a bed. I can text encouragement, pray for others, and share what I have learned and overcome thus far even though I still have further to go. 

 

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I learned that God can work miracles even when we can’t see how. I learned to listen closely to His Spirit and to follow directions. I had never walked so close to God before. 

 

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I found the answers to heal on this journey, and I no longer have to worry about my children’s future. God wants me to use this information to help more than just my family, and I am excited to be living again!!!

 

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Happy Birthday to me!
I’m Free to be the person God created me to be!!!

 

 

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Letting God Take Care of Me

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Recently, I attended a charity dinner. I was quite distraught because I was having a hard time with different foods and my energy levels because of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. I thought, “If people ask me how I am, how can I answer honestly? People don’t want to hear, ‘I don’t feel well.’”

Then the main speaker got up and talked about how she had lost her Pastor husband and son within a year of each other. While talking to an accountability partner and friend, she asked the question, “How do I grieve well? I have helped others through grieving and it’s not pretty. I need to be able to grieve, but I don’t want to hurt others in the process.” She replied, “Let God take care of you. Watch the ways that He does.” Needless to say, I was balling and felt this woman was talking to me.

I am an independent person and LOVE to take care of myself and others around me. My main Love Language is Service… and it’s hard for me to let others love me that way. I’m not sure exactly why. Maybe because “Service” isn’t the same as just spending time together or gifts…. It’s specific. I love the dishes done, I like particular clothes, a particular kind of cookies or jewelry, things done that I specifically ask for, things given that I specifically need…. I’m a tough cookie to love especially with my independent exterior who hates to ask.

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While going through my own grieving process of “this is the way my life is now,” I’ve had to let go of my own expectations of myself. I’ve had to let go of the pride that I have in being able to take care of things myself or of things just getting done. I’ve had to allow myself to be singled out which is NOT something that I crave at all. I’ve been able to take a step back even complaining to God, “I don’t like this one bit, but I trust You to help me in the time You feel is best, in whatever way You think is best.”

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And I watched God Love Me… I’ve had people actually sit and listen while I explain what I’m going through. I’ve had people offer to pray for me. I went to church and had people there by my side ready to catch me, walk with me, and take over for me. I went to Bible Study and met a friend going through a different experience be able to relate to me when I was feeling alone and insufficient. I’ve had people offer to clean my house or take my kids so I can get rest. I’ve had things break down in my home, no way to get another, and a friend offer theirs to me even if I didn’t ask. And while I was curled up in my bed frustrated with finances and praying, God told me, “Do what you can, and I’ll do the rest.” I went out to my mailbox and someone wrote us an anonymous card, “God wanted me to bless you” with a gift card in it. “Get what you need.” I just broke down crying, “God you DO love me. This is hard for me, but I trust You.”

564852_230603630378191_230315904_nSometimes, it takes something big to make us stop and realize how much God is taking care of us… how much He really does Love us. I hope it doesn’t. But it looks like, for me, I need sit still and watch more. God loves us no matter what we are going through, in the ways that we need, just Trust Him. Watch how He takes care of you after you’ve done all you can. Watch how He answers prayers of yours and those you hadn’t even asked, yet, because He Loves You.


For more articles like this one, Check out Faith and Encouragement


The Five Love Languages

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This series of books (marriage, children, work-place, etc) have been so eye-opening to me; one of the first times I’ve realized why I acted that way, why I felt unloved or loved not to mention how to love others. I find it AMAZING!!!

Just like any other personality book, we all need all of the love languages, but there is one leading love language. If you don’t get this love language, you feel like you are dying inside. I find that I am “bi-lingual” with two of the love languages because of how I grew up.

The Five Love Languages are:

1) Physical Touch

2) Receiving Gifts

3) Acts of Service

4) Quality Time

5) Words of Affirmation

Within each of these “love languages” are different dialects; We speak it in different ways. One of my daughter’s main love languages is physical touch and she hates to be tickled. One of my son’s love languages is also physical touch, and he loves to be tickled and punch his brother in jest. One of my main love languages is Physical Touch because I grew up in a home where you hugged when you saw each other or were leaving, where you kissed before bed or when you woke up, where we tickled each other and had light pillow fights…. However, in my teen years, I felt unloved and suicidal… and it carried over into my marriage. No matter how many wonderful words my husband expressed, I did not believe him and I didn’t care. When someone would give me a gift, it was nice, but if I didn’t need it or even ask for it, it really didn’t matter that much to me. I really didn’t want to spend time with anyone, I was happy by myself. When my husband did the dishes for me, I felt so loved! (even if I did complain at the time that he didn’t do it my way.) When my husband took out the trash for me or brought me my favorite candy…. I thought he was amazing and I felt cared enough to let him near me.

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Now, I’m not saying this as a selfish thing; You need to find out what YOUR love language is first and why you act the way you do. But this did NOT make my husband change and love me the way I needed… until I learned how to love him. He is a Quality Time person. I found it really weird how he preferred to spend the money that I’d saved to get him the perfect gift for his birthday on going to a concert or museum together. When I was growing up, I didn’t feel cared about, so I walled myself in my room and learned to love being alone. I hated the t.v. BUT… my husband felt loved by me watching one of his shows at night with him. Now, I don’t even like some of the things he likes, but we compromise and find things that we both might agree upon to watch at night. (I like the 20min shows or things we can shut off and watch more later) He has offered recently to make me a salad before we watch something together and it means the world to me! Then… we spend some time talking about our day, cuddle, and go our separate ways both feeling loved.

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This has also helped me to understand which love languages I lack in showing: I am highly critical naturally and have worked hard to become positive in the words that I express. It has been really hard for me to learn Words of Appreciation. But these are things I work on to show my family love because 1st, God loves me!

“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
~1 John 4:8

I know, sounds cliche’ and it is Biblical, but I wanted to talk about a time where I was feeling unloved, crying, felt alone… I was trying to hide it at the table with my two kids at the time. I prayed that “God, I just want to FEEL loved!” And there, my children said, “I love you, Mommy,” gave me a hug, and asked if they could do anything for me. Another instance, I had a newborn, was exhausted, everyone else was busy and I started crying and turned myself away from him praying that I couldn’t handle it. A friend showed up at the door, hugged me, and held the baby… exactly what I needed. God loves us MORE than any human being possibly can. When you are feeling unloved, pray and ask Him to show you! I know He will! He is no respecter of persons and loves you just as much as He loves me.


Other Books on the same Topic by Gary Chapman:

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The Color Code

The Greek Personality Profile