Archives

Happy Birthday to me!!!! 

I am so excited to be alive!!! If everyone could understand what it feels like to feel dead, lifeless, immovable, unable, incapable… and then to be given life back!!! You would be so grateful for EVERYTHING that you are able to do, see, and be a part of! 

 

assigned-this-mountain-jwtblog-fb-post

 

The last 10 years were spent in sickness. It felt like I was dying over and over again. I’d gain my freedom, and something else would happen. 4 times stuck in a bed. 4 times fighting through issues. Trying to find out who I was when I couldn’t accomplish ANYTHING. Trying to find out what was wrong with me. Trying to figure out how to heal, so that my children wouldn’t have to go through what I have.  

 

wp-1489978676973

 

I learned to let people love me. It is not a weakness to ask for help. I learned that even though I couldn’t do it, God sent someone to help me; to love me. No, they weren’t perfect. But, neither am I. 

 

e74906f5853df16c50d68a1a3e5954aa

 

I learned to love my husband, my caregiver, my friend (not my enemy.) The little spats didn’t matter. The messy house didn’t matter. Priorities went back where they belonged. 

 

64519364_224433588529330_6265523286959997108_n

 

I learned to love my children instead of putting unrealistic expectations on them. I learned that we are all different and that it’s okay. Miscommunication can be worked through. Boundaries can be set. 

 

1023203-Christina-Milian-Quote-Love-yourself-for-who-you-are-You-are

 

I have learned to love myself. Those mistakes that I was so hard on myself for were learning steps. Thomas Edison tried 1,000 times before he successfully invented the light bulb. I have no idea how many times I tried before I could walk successfully the first time. We only fail when we give up. I don’t have to be perfect, but I can keep trying to be better one attempt at a time. 

 

Background 003

 

I learned that I didn’t need to have everything that I wanted in order to have joy. I learned to be thankful for the hardships, not a victim full of fear. There is something good in every day. There is something that I can learn in the pain. 

 

4a6e4965da29f4f6ee9ae28bd6b25449

 

God can use this for my good and the good of others. I have learned that I can still help others even lying in a bed. I can text encouragement, pray for others, and share what I have learned and overcome thus far even though I still have further to go. 

 

340d05402df9ff7bbd1cf587963685d8

 

I learned that God can work miracles even when we can’t see how. I learned to listen closely to His Spirit and to follow directions. I had never walked so close to God before. 

 

54245-miracles-verses.800w.tn

 

I found the answers to heal on this journey, and I no longer have to worry about my children’s future. God wants me to use this information to help more than just my family, and I am excited to be living again!!!

 

EmilysQuotes.Com-freefreedominspirationalintelligentchainsliferespectrelationshippeopleNelson-Mandela

 

Happy Birthday to me!
I’m Free to be the person God created me to be!!!

 

 

Advertisements

Jumping for Joy in January!!!

Christmas Day, I received the final answer to my health puzzle. I said that HEALING, to me, means that I do not need meds and if I WANTED to, I COULD pursue any work I desired without worry about whether I could handle it.

 

39361d90-ce5f-4345-b260-1642654392fa._CR0,4,970,300_PT0_SX970__

January Changes: 

Wk1-Celery Juice and lemon water
Wk2-beet/strawberry smoothie replacing cereal and magnet rings to sleep with
Wk3-blueberry/spinach smoothie adding to my meals and a commitment to stay away from cheese and wheat to heal. 
Wk4-evaluating meds and supplements, lowered protein by half, and tried a couple of new recipes…  
You do NOT have to sacrifice taste to feel or get well!!!

 

GettyImages-88160291-56871e2a3df78ccc1506b66a

I had 4 medications… 

-I no longer need my asthma med.
-I do not need the extra herbs to sleep on top of meds and I’m actually sleeping!
-I’ve cut one anxiety med from a full pill daily down to a quarter (I just wanted to make sure that I didn’t need it. I won’t need it this week.)
-My steroid that keeps me standing has been cut in half and the doctor gave me the okay to get off of it, if I feel comfortable. It’s going this week.
-That leaves one anxiety medication.

 

download (6)

 

This weekend, I went out with a friend for a few hours. The next day, went to a Women’s Conference for two half days and a night where I danced and stood to sing a few songs. Tomorrow, I’m driving to see my family at their church over an hour away. I’m not worried one bit. A little tired, but who wouldn’t be. I am healing!!!

 

ec98a0231dc9c61ab11cf497f6c1af2d

 

My stomach feels cleaner, my ab muscles feel stronger, and I can think clearer.

 

c7b16143cc7b46a5ef49accfa4e31d9a.jpg

 

Which opens up another calling for my future… a Health Coach. I have a few future callings (Promises) that God has been lining up for me while I’ve been seeking His answers for my healing.

 

philippians-1-.jpg

 

But first, I want to get well, and stay there, and help my family, as well. This is going to be a GREAT Healing year for me!!

 

mark9_23-2016

 

Just because you’ve been told that there is no cure, and that you’ll just have to learn to cope, does NOT make it so. There is an answer for every problem, and God answers prayers!!!

 

What LOVE Looks Like….

Today, while waiting on my daughter in speech therapy, I witnessed a beautiful mom walk in with her son. She was early for her appointment which gave me less time… less time to read without distraction… less time to help my easily distracted son with his homework. Her son is autistic and adorably jumping up and down when he laughed at the T.V. She was so kind to him; patient in giving him options and laughing with him. I ignored her to try and squeeze what time I could in to read and realized my son wasn’t going to concentrate anyway.

family-in-waiting-room-dia

She concentrated on her son. She took a phone call from another child reminding him kindly and repeatedly to do his homework and chores. As my daughter came out of therapy, and her son’s therapist came to talk to her, she mentioned her frustration at the news of her son’s diagnosis: getting worse in his teens, and not making it past 40yrs with not being able to process a certain enzyme. No cure. No hope of one. I’m thinking, “This mom was just delivered some of the worst possible news, and she’s still incredibly patient, loving, and has a kind smile on her face.”

img_2583

I butted in, apologized for eavesdropping, offered the hope we’d just gained through years of prayer and research, and left. She was even patient with me. What a beautiful love this woman has for her son to take such a hard task with kindness, perseverance, patience, and tolerance.

future

#1 How hard do I think my life is? Do I act like a victim?

#2 How selfless and grateful am I after receiving tough news?

#3 How tolerant am I with strangers butting in to my venting?

#4 Would I be able to accept hope if it were offered?

thank-you-note

Thank you for your inspirational example of what Love looks like.

 

 

 

Patience in my 2018 Chrysalis

 

30624224_1933891623318861_1098121286732742656_n (1)

 

FEB – I began going to an Integrative Medicine clinic, but then couldn’t afford the chiropractor. I talked to the nurse practitioner for 3 hours! We went over diet, nutrition, supplements, medications, exercise, and emotional health. It felt good to have everything taken care of for me. She told me to begin taking the steroid medication since I could barely walk without it, but that she’d help me get off of it when it was time. The nutritionist told me to add in “good fats” and pink Himalayan salt with everything I ate, and to eat more fruits and vegetables.

MAR – I began Physical Therapy. My trainer’s daughter has POTS, so she understands my dizziness. She even taught me a new coping technique! Even with a drop in blood pressure, I wondered if I might stay down again, I got back up! I rested and didn’t push too hard until I was able to work through it. 

APRIL – Tried some new things, and kept up the things I’d been doing. Plenty of meds and supplements to go with my physical therapy, rest, and compression clothes. I spent two days in exhaustion for every moment of fun. 

MAY – I was able to drive up to an hour. I graduated Physical Therapy. While I was continuing to get stronger, I feel like I was just given more coping techniques. I’d been able to organize a little at a time, and scrub carpets because they are on the floor.

JUNE – I’d been able to garden since the weather cooled down. I ran across a parking lot to see friends of mine at a restaurant which I hadn’t been able to do in a long time. I felt like I was coming out of hibernation like my garden one week, then the next be exhausted again. It’d been a year since my body crashed, and I was kinda frustrated that it was taking so long to heal this time.

JULY – I was able to visit friends and family, be down for a couple of weeks, and go visiting again. I missed people, but I would pay for it, as well. I began counseling this month: art therapy and EMDR, and upped my exercise amount to 30min.

AUG – I increased my endurance and resistance in exercising, even though my body kept going back down, and scaring me. It seems less and less each time.

SEPT – I was able to go on a walk with my dad for about an hour! I usually work out indoors on a treadmill and elliptical, so this was new! I’d been working outside whenever possible with the kids. They carry things for me, and I’d sit on the ground and work on it. (I would like to get up and not feel dizzy or think about every step I make. )

OCT – I’d been working really hard on my thoughts staying positive, as well as, correcting my family.

NOV – I missed my meds/supplements one morning taking the kids to their appointments and had to recover for a few days. Said goodbye in this life to a couple of very dear supportive friends of ours. I forgot to reorder an anxiety med and it gave me electric shocks for Thanksgiving. I tried wearing magnets to stop the shock, and it did help until I was able to get my meds.

 

30443638_1933164176724939_3196062718901616640_n

 

My New Year GOALS: I think these are enough to keep me busy for a while! 😊

#1 Now that my meds, supplements, and salt levels are stabilized, my next GOAL is to stand and sing while directing music NOT using something to prop me up. I have come a long way from sitting with legs propped up and sometimes not even having energy to sing.

#2 Since I am able to exercise without Physical Therapy, and I’m working up to exercising everyday, my next GOAL is to be able to run long-distance!

#3 Since I am working on many different types of healing therapies and learning to cope well moment by moment, my next GOAL is to be able to manage my home: sleep patterns, stress levels, and discipline…. maybe pick up some more housework one at a time when ready.

#4 Since I am beginning to have fun outside my home, too, my GOAL is to remember to be aware of my needs and abilities first, and set boundaries to keep myself safe.

 

 

A Different Destiny

af46c7d3e607b280a8dc6e3045cf311b

 

This last week after Thanksgiving, I felt sorry for myself. I had seen the lives of so many other people and how different mine is. I prefer to live in a place of being grateful for everything I’m able to do, and everyone I’m able to see… But I could never keep up with those that run their kids places everyday or people who make dinner every night or people who are able to work everyday… I have a long way to go!

 

i4

 

As I left my Mom’s, she thanked me for helping out, and I shook my head and told her that I wished I could do more. She reminded me, “Look how far you’ve come since last year!” So, yes, I no longer need to be pushed, pulled, or carried from room to room–I am no longer passing out on the floor everyday–I am doing my best to take care of myself and my children–I can sing now while last year, I was too tired to sit up long.

 

tumblr_mijmsjqdXG1s0qsr3o1_500

 

Everyday, I talk myself through taking care of myself: Get up, eat, take your meds, exercise, take care of your body, stay calm, take your vitamins, eat again, research more healing techniques, drink enough, take a time out, refresh, go again, you’ve got this, take your meds again, don’t give up, hold on tight so you don’t fall, you’re totally worth it, and sleep enough. That’s on top of other things I keep trying to add in plus being a wife and mother. If something emotionally and mentally strenuous is added in, sometimes I forget to take care of me again, but I recover, laugh, and try again.

 

make-your-life-a-mission-not-an-intermission-3.jpg

 

I’m being prepared for a different mission than those wonderful, amazing people I compared myself to. I am okay right here, where I’m at, and I’m pressing on enjoying life regardless!

 

Finding the Silver Lining

I must confess, I haven’t looked upon this last year as necessarily a blessing to our family. I saw a lot of distress from all sides, and I guess I blamed myself for my body not working correctly.

 

Silver-Lining-1

 

But this week, I noticed something different. I’ve been up and down the past couple of weeks and I went down again halfway through the week.

 

SilverLining_JLynn2

 

#1 My husband didn’t bat an eye. He walked in from work and asked, “What do you need? Is there anything I can do for you?”

#2 My oldest children, took over as Mom and Dad putting children to bed, helping me up and down stairs, to the bathroom, and with food/meds.

#3 One of my children went with me to get labs done, and pushed or pulled me to and from places.

#4 My youngest prayed for me tonight… I mean, it was ALL for me. “Help Mommy feel better with …. help her to heal and not hurt anymore…” etc. If you know her, that’s not usually the case. She even gets mad when it’s someone else’s birthday!

 

SilverLining-MHNichols

 

And I thought, “How can this be a bad thing? My children have learned that problems come with being a family, that family helps each other other, and that compassion and service are what people need when they are down.” So, okay, God. I get it. It’s not about me. It’s about the love you have for us and sharing it with each other. Thank you. 

 

 

Crowned with Compassion

Today, I did not use valet parking for my trip to the doctor. That’s right. I parked my own car and walked the distance in without being supported by the wall. It felt so good. Granted, I’m tired, now, but it was so worth it.

This new progressive change is due in part to cutting out activities outside the home, so I could focus on healing, and my chiropractor’s care. 

 

Psalm-103-2-5-scripture-sunday-e1486430080332

 

I still struggle with not feeling enough because of all that I cannot accomplish.  The hardest times for me right now are:

-Getting up after sitting a long time (movie theater/church,)

-Remembering that I still have limits (I so want to do EVERYTHING, but then am exhausted for a couple days after,)

-Standing still for 5min or more,

-Doing anything that heightens stress or nerves (the nervous system messes with a normal person’s autonomic function let alone someone with Dysautonomia.)

But, I realize that my worth is not in my accomplishments, and that I need to keep repeating that to myself.

 

f144f015f5bd4a1577613cbfa3ad2ada

 

My youngest daughter  was doing really well at her chores, so I thought I would ask her to do a little more. She put away her clean clothes in her basket, but I also asked her to take care of her hanging up clothes. (She usually cannot be alone or she gets into trouble.)

 

IMG_5565

 

Her sister and brother were doing their homework in her room with earphones on. When she walked in the second time, they became irritated and yelled at her to get out. She tried to defend herself and ended up crying all the way down the stairs. She tried to tell me through sobs and I told her that I heard the whole thing.

 

siblingsfighting

 

I reminded her that many times, she has not been trustworthy, so they just did not trust her. I asked her if she wanted a hug. She pouted, “yes.” I hugged her, rocked her, and told her that she was loved. I love her and God loves her even if other people are not loving.

truth.jpeg

Then I put her hand over her heart and told her to say, “I love myself.” I asked her three times, but she refused. She then said, “I like saying I love other people.” I agreed that it was easier to love other people. I reminded her that she was worth loving, she was important, and that even if nobody else showed her love, that she could. I asked her again to say, “I love myself.” Finally, she did and I got her to laugh and say it again. I also reminded her that if people don’t treat her right, that it’s okay to walk away instead of argue and defend. But that she also needed to continue to work on making good choices, so that she could be trusted.

 

il_794xN.1462122169_cyfe

 

And after I delivered this message to my sweet 5yr old, I realized that I might as well be saying that to myself.  Thank you, God, for the reminder that I am lovable because I am Your Child even though I am imperfect and don’t meet even my own expectations. 

 

27332552_1840227222685302_2351744169897146972_n