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10 Things I Learned from my Type 3: Determined Daughter

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As a Type 2, I have had a hard time being around Type 3’s or Type 1/4’s because I have felt over-powered. I am VERY grateful for the Child Whisperer book in teaching me how to not take our differences personally, but to see the gift that each energy type is and how we complement each other when we respect each other. Type 3’s are very assertive, strong-willed, and determined. Type 2’s are soft, sensitive, and take their time. I have learned and am still learning more about Type 3’s through my Type 3 Daughter.  I hope that the insight I have found in our home can help you in your life as well.

 

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1. Type 3’s are Dynamic! I was lying in bed one morning as the day was beginning and all of a sudden stomping footsteps of my youngest came down the stairs loudly announcing, “I here!” Type 3’s intend to be heard. Wherever we go, my Type 3 Daughter says “hi” to strangers and if they don’t respond back, she’ll say it louder repetitively to make sure they heard her.

I was also thrown aback when my Type 3 Daughter began crazy tantrums at 12 months old. Most of my kids did not begin to try tantrums until about 18 months old. I have never been one to give a child what they want when screaming at me, but it has been a challenge to figure out what is best for everyone. We have found the best way for us to deal with it, is to have a place for her to go to scream her heart out and to come back and talk when she’s ready. It doesn’t do her any good to not be able to express her emotion, but it doesn’t help anyone else to be in the middle of it.

 

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2. Type 3’s are Physical. Type 3’s experience their world physically. They are doers. One of my favorite family pictures is of my Type 3 Daughter tackling her Type 1 older Brother with a hug. She really doesn’t know her own strength and shows her love physically. Type 3’s are also great at sports if encouraged. My Type 3 Daughter loves to be tickled, chased if I’m roaring at her, and big strong hugs.

When my Type 3 Daughter was a baby she loved to touch textures on different people’s clothing. As she grew, she was the one who was into EVERYTHING: toilet paper, paints, her older sister’s fingernail polish, markers, her older brother’s pets or anyone’s toys. She did not feel that anything was off-limits. Again, this is just her exploring her world physically.

 

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3. Type 3’s are Direct and expect that it return. When anyone comes over that my Type 3 Daughter hasn’t seen for a while, she expects a hug or to sit on their lap. Some have tried to ignore her request and found that she will sit on them, anyway, or keep asking. Some have tried to give her a lengthy reason of why that would not be a good idea right now. Unless the answer is a Yes or No, she doesn’t hear it. You will not hurt her feelings if you are direct. In fact, she would prefer that. That being said, don’t ask her if she wants to do something unless you mean it! She may say “Yes” and head out the door to accomplish what you said. We have found it a challenge, though, to not say “no” too much.

A Type 1 friend of mine told me a story of how a Type 3 in her life bought her clothes. For a while my Type 1 Friend was just being nice and accepted them. In doing so, the Type 3 expected payment. My Type 1 Friend felt like she had to defend herself and tell her that she didn’t like it in the first place and felt “pushed” by the Type 3 to tell her why. After the heated discussion, my Type 1 Friend said that she was just exhausted. The Type 3 then exclaimed that it had been “fun.” The Type 3 felt like she was finally getting to know the Type 1 and the Type 1 felt like she’d been in battle.

 

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4. Type 3’s are High Energy. My two high-energy children run back and forth on the hardwood floors all day. While my Type 1 is super fast, my Type 3 is super loud. She stomps when she runs. This is just the natural way that she moves. Both types are constantly moving. My Type 3 would rather run most anywhere.

I have learned in the last year to tell my Type 3 Daughter last that we are going to do something. She expects it to happen right away when I tell her. Because of my slower energy, I would get frustrated that she was ‘pushing’ me to do right away what I said I was going to do. But recently, that has been changing.

A Type 3 may have an appointment to keep and try to do as many things as possible before the appointment. Sometimes, they try to accomplish too much because they love accomplishing many things at once. So, now, when I tell her last that we are leaving, she’s trying to do many things on her way out the door.

 

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5. Type 3’s like to Accomplish Results and Enjoy a Job Done! If it doesn’t achieve fast quick results, it is not worth their time.  My mom invited her Type 3 friend to help her with a job that was overwhelming. As a Type 3, she assessed the job and decided that it was not something that she wanted to accomplish and declined. A Type 3 does not want to begin something that they do not see themselves accomplishing especially if it’s not their idea. However, when they do accomplish a job, they like to celebrate it. Usually a Type 3 is accomplishing 3-4 projects at one time.

I have given my Type 3 Daughter a few different chores. If she feels that I’m going to be too picky about it, it’s too overwhelming for her. If she feels she can get it done super fast, she does it fast. Because I like to be organized as a Type 2, I have put things in piles and tell her where the piles go and she’s happy to work with me. And who better to celebrate success with than friends and family!

 

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6. Type 3’s are Natural-Born Leaders. If you have a group of people and a plan, the Type 3 in the group will nominate themselves as the leader and set forth to get the job done. They will not wait for someone to nominate them because they know what needs to be done and aren’t afraid to do it or to tell others how to do it. My Type 3 Daughter has no problem telling everyone what to do, how to do it, and because “Mommy said!” My Type 4 Son and my Type 3 Daughter are great at understanding each other, getting the job done, and bossing others around.

 

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7. Type 3’s are Determined and Persistent. One of the things that I love most about Type 3’s is their optimism. Because of their ability to know exactly what they want, Type 3’s make a decision quickly and attempt to accomplish what they have decided. With most of my children, I could tell when they were going to do something they weren’t supposed to. My Type 3 Daughter never had the expression of “When you leave this room, I’m going to…” She always decided quickly and attempted to get what she wanted also very quickly. The only thing stopping her was whether or not she felt she could accomplish that thing. My Type 3 Daughter has been the easiest to potty-train and to learn to swim. I just encouraged her and told her that it was her choice. However, she decided against rock climbing, when she felt pushed into it, with a definite, “NO!”

 

 

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8. REDIRECT!!! Because Type 3’s are Determined High-Energy people, they are like an electronic train on a one-way track. When you try and stop them from accomplishing what they determined to do, it feels like they are hitting a wall over and over until you allow them to go. The best thing to do in this situation is to pick the electronic train up and turn it around or put it on a different track: Redirect.

I also realized that Time-outs, as a way to think about what she did wrong, did NOT work. My Type 3 Daughter could NOT connect what she did with sitting still. It was incredibly frustrating and confusing for both of us using time-outs as a way to help her understand what happened. Instead of time-outs, I gave her something to do. She would think while cleaning up the walls, putting away the shoes, or picking up her toys or books. We would talk after she did a chore and she would immediately recall what was wrong and say that she’s sorry. If she did the offense again, I would then follow it with previously discussed discipline. I also DO use time-outs as a place to calm down, but not as a form of discipline for her.

 

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9. Type 3’s are Competitive. When my Type 1 Son starts to run, he knows that he always has a partner. My Type 3 Daughter will jump right up and run with him and try to beat him. In sports, a Type 3 is usually more competitive than any other player. Type 3 is also the best Type to set a Timer to get something done to see if they beat the clock.

Because of their Determined, Persistent, Dynamic High-Energy, Type 3’s are great at setting up a business. Their ability to only hear “yes or no” also makes them great salespeople. If you want someone to go into business with, a Type 3 may be your best option.

 

 

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10. Sometimes, Type 3’s just need your acknowledgement. Because of Type 3’s desire to celebrate their accomplishment’s, they also want others to do the same. It’s a big deal! On more than one occasion during the day, my Type 3 Daughter is shouting, “Yeah! I did it!”

That being said, I have also noticed what when my Type 3 Daughter gets hurt, she just wants acknowledgement. If I hear a big boom, I shout into the other room, “Are you okay?” I hear back, “I’m okay!” as she comically gets right back up with an, “All better!”

 

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So, while in the past, I have probably seen the worst in my Type 3 Daughter in these things, I understand, now because of The Child Whisperer, that she has many gifts. I am still learning, especially considering I have stayed away from Type 3’s most of my life, but I am grateful that I have learned so much on how to respect my Type 3 Daughter. If you’re having trouble with a Type 3 in your relationship, Acknowledge Them, Be Direct, and Redirect! It’s amazing what understanding can do in your relationship!

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Other Related Posts:

10 Things I Learned from my Type 1: Fun-Loving Son

10 Things I Learned as a Type 2 with a Type 2: Sensitive Daughter

10 Things I Learned from my Type 4: Serious Son

Dressing Your Truth

The Child Whisperer

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I Have a Choice

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Recently, I’ve been becoming more aware of what I am thinking. I had already noticed a couple of months ago how my Fibromyalgia would flare up when I was angry. I began to be aware of how much throughout the day that I really am angry and how I deal with it. And just to clarify, anger is not bad. It tells me that something is wrong.

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Most of the time, I have dealt with the anger through calming down with one of my “comforts” or things that make me feel safe and then dealing with the situation in a good manner. But I become overwhelmed when something from outside my home demands attention.

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So, becoming more aware of my thoughts is helping me to understand that it isn’t that I become angry, it’s that I am overwhelmed. My personal boundary has been crossed. I am taking on too much and am overwhelmed. Then, the anger tells me that something is wrong. But is it really outside influences that I am taking on too much? Is it too much inside the house?

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I have realized how often in the day I say the word, “should.” “I should get my vitamins.” “I should take care of that.” “I should get dinner on.” “I should clean that… fix that… handle that.” “I should have done that.” The real culprit, for me being overwhelmed, is me. I am putting so many expectations on myself.

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I’ve begun to change the way I speak internally to myself. I speak out loud to contradict my thinking, “I COULD do that.” I notice a change right away in my posture. I feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I am in control of what I want to accomplish. I have a choice.

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I am not to be controlled by everything around me. I don’t need to allow other things that kind of power over me. I can choose what I’d like to do everyday. I can help my children, teach them, help them to get along, speak nice to them, pray with them, or hug them. I don’t HAVE to. I can choose to when I feel it is right for me. I can choose to take care of myself in exercise, eating well, taking my vitamins, and not adding too much on myself. I don’t HAVE to, but I can choose to when I’m ready. I don’t have to do extra things outside of my home including church, grocery shopping, hanging out with friends, doctor appointments, etc. I can choose to do so when it is right for me.

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And in doing this, I am finding it easier to not just love myself better, but others around me. I have been choosing to be critical of myself and others in the past without being aware that I was doing so. I am learning to be more patient with myself and others around me by changing my thoughts. You can do this to, if you choose. You don’t HAVE to.

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For more articles like this one:

Faith and Encouragement

Get Over It!

I Deserve to Be Loved

I Don’t Need Your Approval

Metamorphosis

Setting Boundaries Under Pressure

 

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Setting Boundaries Under Pressure

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Recently, I have gotten into conflict in my relationships because I have made decisions very quickly. I didn’t want to give a quick response, but I felt pushed. The phone rings and that person wants to know what time I can take care of something. They want an answer right now. I’m in the middle of helping one of my children and they are frustrated that I’m on the phone when I was helping them. In giving an answer at this frustrating time, I am setting myself up for failure. What I really need is time to think. People are not going to just give me time, I need to make the time. I need to set Boundaries.

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  • I do not have to answer the phone when I am busy.

It is so tempting to answer the phone just because it rings. It’s like the phone is saying, “Hey! I have something important to say! Answer me now!” So, by answering it, am I saying that what that person wants is more important than what I am doing? Sometimes, it’s not a big deal to answer the phone. It’s sometimes really nice. But other times, it can be an inconvenience. I have turned my phone on a ring-tone that is calming to help me remember that it’s not an emergency. Other times, I have turned it off.

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  • I do not have to give an answer right away. It’s okay to take time to think about it.

If they don’t leave a message, is it really that important? Something my mom instilled in me when I was little is that if they didn’t leave a message, it must not be that important. In this day and age, if you don’t want to leave a voice message, you can text it. This ensures that you get the message and can get back when it’s convenient.

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  • If this person continues to push for an answer right now, I can just say no.

If this person demands your attention right away all the time and ignoring or even turning off your phone is not working, it’s best to just say no. It is disrespectful and eventually toxic for you to have to continually ask for respect on the same issue.

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Now this process is helpful even outside of a phone. If I need to take time to process something, even for just a moment, I can take that time. I can be direct and honest. I can simply say, “I need to think about that and I’ll get back to you.” I am also realizing that it is okay to say, “I don’t know.” “I don’t have the answer right now.” And if that is not accepted and I am pushed beyond my boundary, I can just say “No, thank you.”

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For more information on Boundaries, see the series by Dr. John Townsend

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For more articles like this one:

Discipline vs. Punishment

The Child Whisperer

The Color Code

The Five Love Languages

 

10 Things I Learned as a Type 2 with a Type 2: Sensitive Daughter

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Okay, so I must confess that I have some experience in this area. After reading the Child Whisperer and going through the Dressing Your Truth program, I discovered that I am a Type 2 Mom and MY Dad is also a Type 2. We are Soft, Sensitive People. But, when you have a child just like you, you may treat them the way that you were treated instead of the way they need.

I was raised with more of a Type 4 hand; feeling like it was NOT okay to be me. I was told I was “Too Sensitive” constantly and I did not feel like I had a voice. I became an angry adult that would not be pushed around or disrespected and I was most definitely heard by those closest to me. (which means I was doing the pushing and disrespect.) Both my parents and I are now thankful for this amazing insight and have been applying it for a couple of years, now. Here are some of the things that I have learned, and I hope it helps you.

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1. Complaining = Uncomfortable.  We had a rule in our home growing up; no whining or complaining. We had to list things that we were grateful for. I began to incorporate the same rule with my children within their first years of life. It can be exhausting as a parent to hear the constant complaints and whining, when we KNOW our kids have it so good.

Type 2’s are BIG on Comfort and aren’t really good at expressing it well. But here’s the thing. When we, as parents, say that we “don’t want to hear it,” we are actually saying, “I don’t care about your problem and refuse to listen.” Is that really our job as parents? I believe that our job as parents is to be the one that LISTENS to them, COMFORTS them, and THEN helps them to see it in a new light. Why would our kids want to listen to someone who doesn’t listen to them? When I’m upset, I need someone to listen, uplift and comfort me, and give me a new perspective. If I called my friend up and began venting, and immediately, she interrupted with, “Yeah, but tell me 10 things you are grateful for?” I’d hang up and not trust her again.

See, I believe that we’ve all succumbed to this lie that It is not okay to be upset, sad, or angry. If we are not allowed to express these feelings, they will come out externally or internally one way or another. Just because we announce that we are not allowed to have certain feelings, does not mean that they go away. All feelings were created by God and we can learn to express them in healthy or unhealthy ways.

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2. Crying is okay. Not long after the Dressing Your Truth program, I had realized that it was okay to cry. My Dad always laughed when my mom and I cried during movies. I felt then that crying was a weakness. I realize, now, that it is part of my Sensitive nature… and it’s okay.

Type 2’s are very Soft-Hearted and Compassionate. Because of their sensitivity, they know what it feels like to be left out or made fun of. They may become defenders of others who feel the same. Not long ago, I took my Sensitive Daughter to the theater to see the live-action Cinderella. I loved that we could cry together and cuddle when Cinderella cried. How beautiful it is to freely feel pain without stuffing it inside. Our sensitive children are the ones that will be the most empathetic nurses and truly heal others by offering their gift of compassion. But not if we beat it out of them and treat that natural gift as repulsive.

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3.Type 2’s are Soft-Spoken and Sensitive to Loud Noises. Many of my children have Type 2 Secondary Energy Types. My oldest could not handle auto-flush toilets. I would put a pull-up diaper over the sensor while he was potty training and we’d gone out to the library. Most of my kids (except my Type 1 child) put their hands over their ears for the automatic hand-dryers, vacuums, blenders, or fireworks.

Type 2’s have a soft-spoken, shy voice, however, on any number of occasions, my Type 2 Daughter has been the loudest when angry. One day, when I asked her why she was so upset, she told me that her brothers were picking on her and they didn’t listen when she’d asked them to stop. She did not feel listened to and felt disrespected when she had to repeat herself.

As a child, I remember being told to “speak up” constantly. “Speak up! You’re muttering!” Type 2’s have a soft-spoken nature because we love peace; we want everyone to get along. We also don’t want to shout because we feel that’s when someone is angry. When someone asked me to “speak up” I wanted to shout back in their face. As a Type 2 Mom, I’ve had to remind myself that I WILL be heard if I repeat myself to my kids in a soft, kind voice, AND if they choose to ignore me, I can deal with it in a Positive Disciplinarian approach.

However, my dad and I are both known for blasting our music. I will sing with it as loud as I can to express myself. I feel that music is another language that allows me to express the feelings I have a hard time voicing either in the feel of the music or the lyrics of the music.

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4. Type 2’s want to figure out why things work the way they do. As a child, I wanted to figure out how my violin worked. I took it apart piece by piece just because I found it so interesting. My mom was furious because I couldn’t put it back together, but my dad said, “That’s something I would do.”

My dad is great at fixing almost anything. I know of a couple of other Type 2 friends who are engineers. My Type 2 Daughter, though, will be watching people and ask, “Mom, is he a Type 1?” “Is she a Type 2 like me?” She loves to figure people out.

I realize, now, that having to figure things out is the very reason she asks me, “Why?” when I ask her to do something. She has a real need to understand. She isn’t trying to be hostile or defiant like other personalities when asking why. She really wants to know. As a child when I asked that question, I was just told, “Because I said so.” Many times, I’ve decided to ask someone else I trusted or research it for myself. (which Type 2’s also enjoy! I’m sooooo grateful for Google!)

I’ve watched another of my friends parent her Type 2 Daughter with such openness that I’ve watched that very same Type 2 Daughter listen intently to the answers and apply it to her life perspective. She really wants to understand and feels respected when she’s answered..

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5. Type 2’s do not handle criticism well and are constantly questioning themselves. Recently, my Type 4 husband was joking at the table that Type 4‘s were obviously perfect and the “right type” to be. My Type 2 Daughter then decided that she must be a Type 4. I wasn’t sure at first why she decided to make the switch, but after letting her go through the program and videos with me, (and me disguising which one was which,) she kept choosing Type 2. When she KNEW which program it was, she would choose a Type 4. I asked her if she felt something was wrong with being a Type 2. She didn’t come right out and say that it was the dinner table teasing. I talked to my husband later and told him what was going on. He addressed the issue with her the following day and told her that he loved that she was a Type 2. He told her that he loved me because I’m a Type 2, that she reminded him of me, and that he loved that about her. She felt okay being herself after that.

Type 2’s also do not handle sarcasm well. We crave honesty and peace. We feel sarcasm is anger wrapped up in a joke. Type 2’s do not feel that making fun of people is funny. It’s hurtful and hateful and we would not want that done to us.

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6.Type 2’s cannot handle being “pushed.” We are a slower energy. Type 2’s feel things deeply, and we do not process our feelings very fast. Because we are sensitive, we can be shut down very easily. There have been many times where I would rather not speak or shut my feelings off instead because I do not trust either the situation or the people. I have often felt suicidal when I felt trapped because I did not trust being able to express myself.

The more that Type 2’s are pushed, the more we have to slow down or anxiety may take over. As a 5-year-old, I was extremely sick to my stomach all the time. When taken to the doctor, they said I was on the verge of a stomach ulcer. I was so afraid of being late. As a teenager, I remember shaking trying to hurry and get ready for church on Sunday mornings. I was always late and it got worse when my parents told me they’d meet me out in the car and honked the horn.

I think the best thing I have ever been told is “Take all the time you need” instead of “Hurry up.” In that instance, I was excited to hurry instead of panicked and afraid I’d forget something.

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7. Type 2’s crave connections. Although, we may not be “party” people, we do love our friends dearly and crave one-on-one connections with them. We are, also, very loyal people to those we trust. We are family-oriented and love to connect past memories with new memories. Some of my favorite things to do include scrapbooking, organizing (matching), and learning how to love myself and others better. I love to remind my family that “People matter more.” I enjoy thinking about my family’s future and what legacy I will leave.

Not too long ago, my son who has a secondary Type 2, claimed that he hated church and didn’t want to go anymore. I asked him if there was any particular reason. He said that he wasn’t allowed to talk to his friends. He had to sit through lessons, and then we went home. I understood his need to make a connection. Church should be a place of Fellowship. I prayed with him right there that if God wanted him there, he would allow him to make connections with his friends. That day, he was so excited that a couple of the classes had been combined and he’d been able to be in the same class with friends that he’d already trusted.

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8. Are Type 2’s Planners or Worriers? Yes, we are the ones most likely to have anxiety. I don’t believe it’s because of just plain worrying about everything, it’s because we don’t have a plan and again, don’t want to be uncomfortable. One night, I got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and decided to check my e-mail. In it, I received a request to speak in front of everyone at church. I thought about it for the next couple of hours until I figured out exactly how long I felt I would be able to handle it (given my physical limitations) if at all. Once I worked it out in my head, I was able to sleep again. When a big event is coming up, we feel better when we plan out how long it takes to get ready, how long it takes to get there, and even what may happen when we are there.

The other reason that I believe that we worry is because we want to do everything the right way. Yes, we can be called “Perfectionists”, but it’s because we are so naturally good with details. We want every detail to be perfect. We may have lists of details on paper of the things we would like to accomplish or become overwhelmed with details in our head and need to take some time to process it all.

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9. Type 2’s are Readers or Researchers. I’m happy to be surrounded with my favorite books, a soft place to read, and a day to spend doing just that. I am a big one to get sucked into a good novel or self-help book. It provides for a safe escape from being overwhelmed or a way to be better at what I want to learn. (which is currently my family’s mental and physical health or schooling.) And of course, I have to research what is best, think about it for a while, pray on it, ask around, research again to make sure, and then decide (mostly likely repeating this process over again even after decision.)

Type 2’s also may become Poets or Writers. Writing is a beautiful form of expression since we, as Type 2’s aren’t always the greatest at using our voice. I have found that my daughter is following my footsteps in being a natural poet.

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10. Type 2’s LOVE Cuddles. One of the things that my parents initiated in our family that was a life-saver is always hugging and kissing when greeting or leaving each other. Type 2’s love to touch or be around soft or plush things. One of the reasons why I love cats and hamsters is that they are soft and cuddly. One day, my daughter was having a really whiny day. I asked her if she was hungry or tired and she replied no. (or course) I asked if she wanted to wear one of my soft scarves. She agreed, wore it while she focused on her homework, then took it off to go play when she was done. She said that she felt better.

After my Type 2 Daughter was born, I injured myself and had a hard time physically moving for months. She cuddled with me in the hospital and for 8 months thereafter. She is the ONLY baby that would stay still enough to cuddle for long periods of time. Now, all of my kids with secondary Type 2’s are also cuddlers, but it’s not easy for them to stay still.

There are certain times, however, where it is NOT okay to cuddle. When Type 2’s are angry, they do not feel they can trust the world at that time and maybe in particular, YOU, so do not touch unless invited. They may need to process their emotions for a while, then trust you to talk it through before allowing touch.

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I hope this encourages you to see the Calm, Soft, Detailed, and Tender-hearted person that Type 2’s really are. Let’s recognize and appreciate each others’ strengths. We don’t have to put each other down for being different. We can love each other, understand each other, and let each other become the gifts we were meant to be.



Other Related Articles:

10 Things I Learned from my Type 1: Fun-Loving Son

10 Things I Learned from my Type 3: Determined Daughter

10 Things I Learned from my Type 4: Serious Son

Dressing Your Truth

Relationships

The Child Whisperer



10 Things I Learned from my Type 1: Fun-Loving Son

TripodGirl_funny_face1024Type 1 is my Secondary Energy Type. I realized that after Facial Profiling myself because I was so confused trying to figure it out. In the past, I had subconsciously tried NOT to be myself because I felt that it was wrong. After I realized that Type 1 was my Secondary, I thought back to my childhood to see if this type was true for me. I remember being laughed at by my dad and called “naive,” “forgetful,” and “blonde.” These were not honoring to me, so I chose to try my hardest to be different. I also began thinking the same of other Type 1’s. Now, I’m so excited to be me! Here are some more things that I’ve learned from my Type 1 Son after reading the Child Whisperer.

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1.Type 1’s are High-Energy. My Type 1 son is usually found jumping off numerous things, climbing up walls, and racing around the house with a BIG smile on his face. Most people say that this is normal “boy behavior.” Honestly, my Type 4 son was NOT this way. Some people classify this as ADHD behavior, but I have learned, now, that it is an amazing way that this sweet, crazy, fun boy of mine was made. I am so grateful to see my son as “Fearfully and Wonderfully Made” (Psalm 139:14) instead of another problem to deal with.

 

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2.If it’s not Fun, what’s the point?!  I had been having a hard time trying to get my Type 1 to do school or chores. After learning that it just might be high energy and stopped comparing him to other kids or what I thought he should be, I began to get through to him more. Yes, I do still expect him to respect the place and time to be crazy fun, but I respect him, also for the way he is. It wasn’t just that he needed to MOVE more, it’s that he didn’t feel it was fun or even as fun as something else he could be doing.

Because I Homeschool, I was able to have a little more freedom to experiment. I started finding ways to make school fun; I would have him take a break when he felt frustrated and do something else: “Finish this line” or “Finish this page and you can…” climb up the wall, dance in a circle, give a high five, or make a silly face. Within the first couple of weeks of doing this, my son began to cling to me. I realized, that he felt understood by me and it made me happy and sad at the same time. He didn’t feel understood by anybody else. He also began to recite more of what he had learned in school with me and I was shocked.

Then I put up a list of “Making Chores Fun” around the house. I began teaching the older kids in the house how to get my Type 1 to do chores with them. I changed our bedtime routine to race each other up the stairs before the tickle monster came. Before the Child Whisperer, my Type 1 and Type 4 sons clashed constantly. Now, they are understanding each other better, and MOST of the time allowing each other to be who they are. I occasionally still take them aside to remind them that they are different and that’s okay.

 

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3.Type 1’s are Random.  For Type 1’s it’s very easy to become distracted. I have often laughed at myself and others for forgetting things. I have realized that sometimes, it just goes with being Type 1 and to laugh about it. Other times, I realize that Type 1’s need and crave spontaneous behavior and randomness. Strict schedules are helpful, but can be too restrictive.

We have a set time for school in the morning. Sometimes, it can be very difficult to try and get my Type 1 to focus. I’ve realized that sometimes it’s not about making it fun, but changing it up a bit. Just switching to a different book when overwhelmed can be a big relief. Other times, I use what is distracting my Type 1 son to focus. “When you finish this line, you can play with your doll” “…..put your head inside your shirt.” “….sing that song you want to sing.” whatever he is getting distracted by in the moment.

Also, Surprises are the best way of showing love to a Type 1. My Type 1 loves getting random toys that I picked up at a swap meet or dollar store just because I love him. Tickling surprises, random kisses, and taking him to the park without him knowing where we’re going are all fun, random, and spontaneous ways of showing my Type 1 that I love him!

 

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4. Being Loud may just be an expression of Happiness Bubbling Over!!! Many times, my Type 1 son will walk into the room and randomly shout “Boom!” for fun or run up to someone to tickle them. He is so excited and naturally optimistic that he wants to share it with everyone!

I am naturally a quiet person (Type 2) and Loud noises aren’t something that I usually like. I have learned to state to my Type 1 Son that it does scare me when he does that. I state that I really enjoy being with him, but then suggest another way of addressing me. I also have certain places deemed for being loud inside the house.

I have found that sometimes when I talk to a girl friend of mine, I get overly excited about sharing something important to me and I get loud. That has often scared me that I would “get out of control” like that. But now, I realize that it’s just my Secondary Type 1 coming out in a passionate excited way. And it’s okay!

 

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5. Type 1’s like to make people Happy! It is common to find Type 1’s as the Class Clowns or making jokes to make you smile. My sweet Type 1 Son has ALWAYS made me laugh. When he was little, he had the biggest grin, I couldn’t help but laugh with him. He always knew how to get me to smile. When my Type 1 Son feels that I am upset, he will give me a hug, smile at me, and tell me that he loves me. One day, we were all watching a movie as a family. My Type 1 Son jumped into my lap and began kissing me to get me to laugh and pay attention to him. We giggled through most of the movie.

Because Type 1’s love to make people happy, they often sacrifice what they want. Sometimes my Type 1’s older siblings can take advantage of his being willing to share. It’s easier to ‘give in’ than to have contention. I sometimes do need to remind my Type 1 Son that it is okay to say what he wants, too.

 

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6. Type 1’s have Tons of Brilliant Ideas! My Type 1 Son can offer many ideas of fun things he would like to do all within seconds of each other. “Let’s play a game! Let’s watch a movie! Let’s ride bikes! Let’s go swimming! Let’s play Legos!” When Type 1’s feel like they HAVE to follow through on ALL of the ideas that they have, they can get very overwhelmed. Again, they just love the freedom to be spontaneous.

One of my sisters loves to offer different ideas after we have established plans. I used to get upset wondering why she’d change things on me! I realize now, that it is a way of trying to make everyone happy. Somebody in the group expressed a concern about the plans and she was trying to offer more ideas to make everyone happy.

 

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7.Type 1’s crave socializing! One of my Type 1 Friends is amazing at getting a group of friends together. The more, the merrier! They love being with friends and everybody IS their friend. However, it doesn’t mean that they want to hang out with everyone. After learning that Type 1’s love to be around friends, I decided to take my Type 1 son with me to a New Year’s party. He stood beside me most of the time because he didn’t know the family well. (They also had many Type 1’s in their family) I then realized that it had to be someone he knew and trusted.

Having a Secondary Type 1, as well, I need to be around a friend or two at least once a week. At my home church, I am a social butterfly. As a Homeschooler, we have a few families that I trust to hang out with once a week. Type 1’s need to have fun with friends or they literally feel like they are dying inside.

 

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8. Type 1’s do not mind being the Center of Attention! It is most often Type 1’s in the public limelight. When my Type 2 Daughter (with a Secondary 1) decided that she was going to sing a solo at church, My Type 1 Son said that he had wanted to do it, too! It’s not that Type 1’s are attention hogs, it’s that they are happy to have fun in front of others; they feel free to be themselves. We all have gifts to bring to the table.  I recently realized this Type 1 gift of theirs when I asked a Type 1 friend of mine to address our group of friends. I didn’t mind talking to them, but getting everyone’s attention is something that makes my heart race; it is not natural for me to shout. I’m thankful for their ability be themselves and have fun with it!

 

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9. Anger may be explosive and over just as fast! Some days, I will ask my Type 1 Son to do something that he doesn’t want to do. He throws a big fit like it’s the end of the world. When I first began learning that he liked fun, I would try to make him feel better by tickling or teasing him. It only made it worse and the anger kept escalating. I then changed it to, “Okay, come down when you’re ready.” He would announce “NEVER!” and yet be back in 5 minutes saying he was sorry and did as I asked. By allowing him to be angry, I’m letting him work through it. If I treated him like a terrible person for losing his temper, he might never truly learn to control it, because he’d never learn to express it. However, I do let him know kindly that he wouldn’t like it if I yelled at him.

 

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10. Media can be Superfun but doesn’t have to last all day! I have noticed that my Type 1 friends love games, movies, and music. My Type 1 Son has always loved board and card games. I began playing with these types of games with him when he begged me at 3yrs old. Once a week, we do a board game together.

He also began asking that we watch a movie EVERYDAY! That’s something that I don’t allow everyday, but we do have a Movie Night once a week with a Dance Party afterwards with the credits. I have suggested that they make movies instead and have often found my camera missing and in their possession. I like to encourage their creativity, not inactivity.

My family is very big on music. Growing up, my family had a lot of Type 1s. We would naturally use lyrics or song titles in conversations. Someone would say, “I’m so excited!” and one of us would naturally jump in with “I’m so excited! That I just can’t hide it.”

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I hope that this encourages you with your Type 1 to see the good Fun-Loving person that they really are. We don’t have to put each other down for being different. We can love each other, understand each other, and let each other become the gifts we were meant to be to each other.



Other related articles:

10 Things I Learned as a Type 2 Mom with a Type 2: Sensitive Daughter

10 Things I Learned from my Type 3: Determined Daughter

10 Things I Learned from my Type 4: Serious Son

Dressing Your Truth

Relationships

The Child Whisperer



10 Things I Learned from my Type 4: Serious Son

 

 

I was extremely stressed. Every time I turned around there was a new emergency. This I figured, is just life as a mom. And sometimes, it’s true. Life with kids is very hard. There are dangers that our kids know nothing about that they walk into. There are dangers that our kids don’t care if they were warned about, they do it anyway. They act out, we act out, people have accidents, life with kids can be crazy. I wanted to get the stress in my life under control. Part of that, had to do with my children.

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This is what lead me to the book, “The Child Whisperer.” My type 4 oldest son and I clashed on a daily, sometimes minute by minute basis. He was getting violent. We were always angry. No discipline was working and I was ready to commit him or me. After 6 months of considering this book, looking over reviews, contemplating the price, praying about whether this is something I thought would benefit me, I went for it.

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I did not read this book straight through; it’s pretty big and covers a lot of material. I already knew and loved learning about energy profiling. I also knew that we usually have a Dominant personality and a Secondary right up there with it. I went straight for the one that sounded like my son: Type 4 Serious Type. And I couldn’t stop reading it. With my normal responsibilities, it probably took me a a few days. But then I went through it again, took notes, asked my son questions about it, and started to understand. As I’ve been seeking more to understand him, our relationship has gotten much better. He has been seeking to understand his other siblings, (I have one child of each type) and learning to get along with them. He acts out less and is more confident. I am way less frustrated and less stressed. So, I wanted to express some things that I have learned about my Type 4.

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#1 Type 4’s need their own private space. Sharing a room with his complete opposite Type 1 brother, there was extreme conflict constantly. My Type 4 was constantly asking for his own room. He even opted to sleep in the unfinished basement just to have his own space. Before reading “The Child Whisperer” I had just said, “Too bad. Learn to get along with everyone.” He in turn would threaten his younger brother from entering the room at all and claim it all for himself. This was a constant daily battle. After reading the book and talking to him about it, I suggested we make a little cubby for him in a corner of their room. He agreed. In fact, even after just talking to him about it, he set forth in creating it. Now, yes, the other children were jealous and we’ve had to set forth discipline if they enter his area without permission, even make areas for them, too, but it has been a BIG stress reliever in our home.

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#2 It’s okay not to smile. A friend of mine was telling me about a party she had thrown. She said she was shocked when a young man (around 8yrs) with a serious expression on his face said, “This is the best party I have ever been to!” She told me that she wasn’t sure she believed him. I assured her that he was probably a Type 4 and to take him at his word.

My son constantly walks around with a scowl on his face. I used to get frustrated when he wouldn’t “smile” for pictures. It takes a while for Type 4s to process emotions and expecting my son to be “happy” like the other kids was actually preventing him from being able to do so. I cannot make him be different than he is and trying to do so was telling him that it’s not okay to be who God created him to be.

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#3 Say exactly what you mean and stick to it. My Type 4 would get upset at me because I said “No” to something. He would be so upset that he would leave the room. While he was calming down, I was considering how important it was to either of us and tried to come up with different plans. He would come back and I would offer other suggestions to try and make him happy. (part of my Type 1 Secondary) He would become angry that I had “changed my mind.” I have since learned to ask for time to think about a decision first, stick to that decision, and allow him to be mad about it. In doing this, he doesn’t get upset about my decisions as often in the first place, and if he does, he gets over it quicker.

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#4 Do not publicly humiliate a Type 4. In our home, we have 4 kids that I Homeschool. In Disciplining, we would talk about the issue and even follow through on discipline methods in front of all the kids. This was devastating to my Type 4 son. He felt like I was shaming him in front of the world. I have since learned to take him aside to talk about the issue at hand. This has promoted him to ask to talk to me privately about other issues. My husband, amazed one night, replied, “I hope this continues on and that he never stops talking to us.” I agree!

It is even harder, though, to teach the other children not to make a big scene about it. “Mom! He did this to me!” being shouted from the other room makes my Type 4 son feel 3cm tall. In fact, I recently heard this comment, “They just want me to look bad.” I do not want him to think that his own family is against him, and that is something that I try to work on.

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#5 Type 4’s do not enjoy surprises. Some of you who are Type 4’s may disagree with this one. If that is so, your Secondary may be a Type 1 who loves surprises and doesn’t mind change. This is not the case in my Type 4. When my son wakes up in the morning, he already has a plan of what he is going to do for the day. If I wake up and talk to him about what my plans are for the day, he may get very upset.

One Saturday morning, he said, “So, when are we going shopping?”  We go grocery shopping most Saturdays, but this particular one, we didn’t need to. After saying so, he ran off upset. While talking to him later, he said that he was angry because he had wanted to look at some superheroes and had planned it the night before in his head. He felt that he would never get to look at superheroes because we don’t usually go out shopping any day but Saturday. My husband decided to take him to a shop that day that just sold superheroes.

Type 4’s need to know in advance (at least the night before) what the plans are because their whole day is usually all planned when they wake up. I also warn my Type 4 son before any other child when we have 5 minutes before we are going to leave.

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#6  Time is very important to Type 4s. While dating my Type 4 husband, he used to feel very disrespected because I was always 10 minutes late. If I tell my son that I’ll work with him in 5 minutes, he will come looking for me in exactly 5 minutes! It’s not that he is trying to be rude, but that he feels a literal commitment. Again, back to “if you say it, mean it.”

Also, “We should do that sometime.” means today or tomorrow. My son recently talked to his grandparents about how he wanted to sleep over. After hearing, “Yes, we should do that sometime,” my son took that to mean, “Tonight.” He was very upset and said he felt “lied to” when he found out that’s not what was meant.

We have since learned to phrase it as, “We’ll check our schedules and get back to you in a few days.” If we don’t get back soon, he feels betrayed and unloved by that lack of action. Again, it is also okay to say, “No, not right now” or “I’m not sure. I’ll get back to you in a few minutes” or “tomorrow” to a Type 4 even if they get mad about it. They get over a “no” a lot faster than “sometime.” But get back in the time that you said.

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#7 Type 4’s have an keen eye for imperfection even in themselves. My Type 4 son can walk into a room and notice whatever has been changed or whatever is out of place within seconds. My parents recently got a new side table. Within seconds of walking in the door, my son said, “You got a new table?” This has often been an issue when he points out individual things he feels are wrong in his siblings. It will often come back to him instantly. “Well, this is wrong with you.” This can be a big ouch moment. It has helped to talk to him about the way things are said. It has helped even more to allow him to use that keen eye in other things.

My dad was building a deck in the back of his house. He asked my Type 4 son, who was 5yrs, “Where do you think the best place for stairs would be.” My dad was shocked when my son had a better idea. My Type 4 son even took the time to draw a picture of the best place to put the stairs.

Often when we have had times where my husband and I would get upset with our son and would talk to him later,  we would find he was talking very critically and unhealthy about himself. This has been the biggest reason for changing the way we talk to him. He may seem tough because he is blunt, but words hurt him deeply. He does not take being picked on lightly. And if he is not allowed an outlet for his gift of a keen eye, he will turn inward and pick on himself.

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#8 Do not take away things that are important to Type 4s. A big issue for Type 4s is being respected. Because I am a Type 2, I also have a big issue with that and we clash greatly on what that means. I felt that since my son wasn’t being respectful, I needed to take away things that were important to him to get his attention including big planned events, pets, and favorite toys. This was being disrespectful to him causing more disrespect in return. It was not worth the devastation to both parties.

This can be completely different if it is a decided consequence for everyone. For example: You are throwing your toy, so I need to put it up for a while. (See: Discipline vs. Punishment) And if all parties are in agreement that it’s not worth the consequence, it’s okay to change your mind.

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#9 Type 4s love to play with toys even though they are mature in many other areas. When my son was little, his favorite thing to play with was “Cars movie” cars. He would collect them, line them up, and eventually play pretend with them. Recently, I found him playing pretend with them and I was shocked. I thought he was “too old” for that.

My husband is also a Type 4 who collects toys of his favorite movies. Recently, I saw them playing superheroes together and I started laughing. He smiled and said, “What? It’s amazing how the right toy can make you feel young again.”

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#10 Being introverted does not mean that Type 4s don’t have friends. When my son was little, it really concerned me that he did not want to play with other children. Now, at the time, he was an only child. He also did not trust other kids. There was no way that I could get my son to go into nursery at church, join in the library singing time, or play on the playground with other kids. He would grab onto the door and fight for his life. He would cry and scream. We would sit and stare at the door together for two hours. There was no way I could get him to get along with other kids. His aunt began teaching his class when he was 4yrs and he trusted her and began to adjust.

The thing is, he is right. Little kids are unknowingly mean and he didn’t want any part of that. He simply didn’t trust them. When he was 7yrs old (and after a couple siblings had arrived), there was a family that moved into the area that we both connected with and trusted. They were Home-schooled, as well, honest, funny, and yet sensitive. My Type 4 son felt understood by this family and trusted them. He has since felt the same about another family. My Type 4 son knew exactly what he wanted in a friend and I trust his judgement on that. He can get along with many people, but he doesn’t feel the need to be close to those he doesn’t trust. And that’s okay.

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So, while in the past, I have probably seen the worst in my son in these things, I understand, now because of The Child Whisperer, that he has many gifts. I am still learning from my Type 4 son and sometimes still revert to old behaviors, but I am grateful that I have learned so much in the past 6 months on how to respect my Type 4 son. This has also helped me to understand other Type 4 people in my life where I may have felt judged by certain comments, upset when they shut me out, or confused when I tried to change to make someone feel better. So, if you’re having trouble with a Type 4 in your relationship, Be Patient, Be Honest, and Keep Trying!




Other Related Articles:

10 Things I Learned from my Type 1: Fun-Loving Son

10 Things I Learned as a Type 2 Mom with a Type 2: Sensitive Daughter

10 Things I Learned from my Type 3: Determined Daughter

Parenting

Personalities

The Child Whisperer



The Child Whisperer

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My discovery of the Dressing Your Truth program was amazing in my life! After working on that for a few months, I realized that I needed to attack the stress area of my life… with my kids. I’d already been looking for a new parenting book and had run across The Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle. It seemed a bit pricey, though, so I prayed about it, searched for other answers, and was lead right back to it. I finally looked at the comments of others who had bought it. Everything seemed good about it, so I thought, “What have I got to lose?” I’m so very grateful that I did. The Child Whisperer went way more in depth than the Dressing Your Truth program! This was such a validation of how I had acted as a child and why I took things so hard! I got this book to be a better parent, but it was also healing for me. I don’t care if you have kids or not, this book is for you!

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Now, yes, I initially got this book because I was clashing with my children… especially one child in particular: my head-strong oldest. I already had done the Dressing Your Truth program and had understood what my children’s Dominant Types were…. I have one of each Type. I just didn’t know that I could parent them according to their Type of Energy/Personality.

My oldest is a Type 4; the Type of my Mother and my Husband. I was easily angered by Type 4’s because I felt controlled. I began reading The Child Whisperer book in the Type 4 chapter and took an entire month just to read, learn, and apply what I had learned. My son and I were no longer clashing every day about everything like we had done previously, and I was shocked at the results. Honestly, some of the things that I had changed, I knew my son had tried to talk to me about before, but I didn’t understand the necessity. He asked for privacy, but he had to share a room with his younger Type 1 brother. He would get upset when I pointed out what he’d done wrong in front of the whole family. I would discipline him being critical of his siblings. I learned that I could address these issues in a better way. I learned that the things that I thought were wrong about  my children can be a gift. I have been reading and applying this book with each of my children and learning to understand them, love them, encourage, and allow them to be the gifts that God designed them to be instead of trying to control them.

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When you don’t have what you NEED, you may feel that you are unloved and misunderstood. I have seen way too many people act out because of feeling this way. I have now come to the conclusion that EVERYONE NEEDS:

  1. To be LOVED- I have really enjoyed the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman that helped me to understand the different ways that we all feel, express, and NEED to be loved. I used to get upset that one of my children was constantly seeking attention in a bad way. I now realize that she was seeking to be loved in her way.
  2. To be UNDERSTOOD-This book: The Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle has helped me to understand myself, my children, my extended family, and many others around me. I had been so judgmental thinking that there was only one way to be. I’m so grateful to be able to understand others which makes it easier to love them.
  3. To be DISCIPLINED– I used to have the quote on my wall as a teenager, “If you don’t discipline yourself, others will discipline you.” While I enjoyed The Child Whisperer book and I need to discipline my children less, now, I really enjoyed the books by Dr. Kevin Leman on Positive Parenting. However, without understanding how the person takes things or why, it will be less effective.




Other Articles like this one:

10 Things I Learned from my Type 1: Fun-Loving Son

10 Things I Learned as a Type 2 Mom with a Type 2: Sensitive Daughter

10 Things I Learned from my Type 3: Determined Daughter

10 Things I Learned from my Type 4: Serious Son

Dressing Your Truth

Parenting

Personalities