Tag Archive | kindness

What LOVE Looks Like….

Today, while waiting on my daughter in speech therapy, I witnessed a beautiful mom walk in with her son. She was early for her appointment which gave me less time… less time to read without distraction… less time to help my easily distracted son with his homework. Her son is autistic and adorably jumping up and down when he laughed at the T.V. She was so kind to him; patient in giving him options and laughing with him. I ignored her to try and squeeze what time I could in to read and realized my son wasn’t going to concentrate anyway.

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She concentrated on her son. She took a phone call from another child reminding him kindly and repeatedly to do his homework and chores. As my daughter came out of therapy, and her son’s therapist came to talk to her, she mentioned her frustration at the news of her son’s diagnosis: getting worse in his teens, and not making it past 40yrs with not being able to process a certain enzyme. No cure. No hope of one. I’m thinking, “This mom was just delivered some of the worst possible news, and she’s still incredibly patient, loving, and has a kind smile on her face.”

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I butted in, apologized for eavesdropping, offered the hope we’d just gained through years of prayer and research, and left. She was even patient with me. What a beautiful love this woman has for her son to take such a hard task with kindness, perseverance, patience, and tolerance.

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#1 How hard do I think my life is? Do I act like a victim?

#2 How selfless and grateful am I after receiving tough news?

#3 How tolerant am I with strangers butting in to my venting?

#4 Would I be able to accept hope if it were offered?

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Thank you for your inspirational example of what Love looks like.

 

 

 

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Setting Boundaries Under Pressure

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Recently, I have gotten into conflict in my relationships because I have made decisions very quickly. I didn’t want to give a quick response, but I felt pushed. The phone rings and that person wants to know what time I can take care of something. They want an answer right now. I’m in the middle of helping one of my children and they are frustrated that I’m on the phone when I was helping them. In giving an answer at this frustrating time, I am setting myself up for failure. What I really need is time to think. People are not going to just give me time, I need to make the time. I need to set Boundaries.

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  • I do not have to answer the phone when I am busy.

It is so tempting to answer the phone just because it rings. It’s like the phone is saying, “Hey! I have something important to say! Answer me now!” So, by answering it, am I saying that what that person wants is more important than what I am doing? Sometimes, it’s not a big deal to answer the phone. It’s sometimes really nice. But other times, it can be an inconvenience. I have turned my phone on a ring-tone that is calming to help me remember that it’s not an emergency. Other times, I have turned it off.

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  • I do not have to give an answer right away. It’s okay to take time to think about it.

If they don’t leave a message, is it really that important? Something my mom instilled in me when I was little is that if they didn’t leave a message, it must not be that important. In this day and age, if you don’t want to leave a voice message, you can text it. This ensures that you get the message and can get back when it’s convenient.

Just say no

  • If this person continues to push for an answer right now, I can just say no.

If this person demands your attention right away all the time and ignoring or even turning off your phone is not working, it’s best to just say no. It is disrespectful and eventually toxic for you to have to continually ask for respect on the same issue.

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Now this process is helpful even outside of a phone. If I need to take time to process something, even for just a moment, I can take that time. I can be direct and honest. I can simply say, “I need to think about that and I’ll get back to you.” I am also realizing that it is okay to say, “I don’t know.” “I don’t have the answer right now.” And if that is not accepted and I am pushed beyond my boundary, I can just say “No, thank you.”

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For more information on Boundaries, see the series by Dr. John Townsend

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For more articles like this one:

Discipline vs. Punishment

The Child Whisperer

The Color Code

The Five Love Languages