Last week, I went to occupational therapy and came home with another noticeable brace. I kept thinking, “People are going to ask what I did. How do I answer that I have a connective tissue disorder without having to give a lengthy explanation of what it is.” I’d rather just give the short answer that “It’s just me!” and avoid it. But that’s the recovering perfectionist part of me.
This week, I went to a service and was asked to move because an elderly person needed my seat. Normally, I might not have blinked an eye. But that day, I was having trouble even walking. I tried to tell the usher that I needed the outside seat. She said, “Look at her!” I hate scenes. I couldn’t shout over the service going on that “I have a connective tissue disorder and today I can hardly walk!” I just left the auditorium in tears. I was so tired just from leaving the house. No matter how much I’d love to be positive and pretend that everything is well, some days, it just isn’t. If I knew it wasn’t going to be a good day, I would not have left my house. I guess I used too many “spoons” the previous day.
I may have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. I may fall apart and need help. I may fight it with all I’ve got and it may not end well everyday. People may not understand. It’s okay. I belong to God. EDS is not WHO I am. I am a Daughter of God; He who calls me His Beloved regardless if I’m a mess; He who calls me Beautiful even when I feel broken down; He who has a purpose for me no matter how useless I feel; I am His!
“The name Yahweh or Jehovah points to God’s self-existence. The Lord is eternal and self-sufficient. In theological language those characteristics are called God’s “incommunicable attributes.” These are attributes of God that He cannot share with humans. These incommunicable attributes are part of what it means to be uniquely God. We are not God. We are not infinite. We will always be finite.–we are needy and cannot sustain our own lives. We are not self-existent, eternal beings.
However, the “communicable attributes”–the attributes that God can and does share with us are His goodness and mercy; compassion, grace, slowness to anger, love and faithfulness. These are ways we will increasingly, though imperfectly be like God, if we are Christians. Because God has been good to us, we must be good to others. Because God has been merciful to us, we too must show mercy.”
God is self-sufficient; the ONLY One who is. We all need help; some more than others.
So while I am not proud to be broken, I don’t need to hide. I need to work on what He wants me to and Rest in Him for the things I cannot do. I need Him. He is holding me together when I feel I’m breaking apart. He is my ultimate BRACE, and I am happy to be His and to continue becoming more like Him.
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