Tag Archive | Pain

Feel Your Emotions

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November, over year ago, I first experienced Fibromyalgia. I had a confrontation with someone at Bible Study and I didn’t feel like I had a voice in the situation. I was angry and became depressed. Within the week, I had insomnia and pain up my spine and over my shoulders so bad that no one could touch me. It was not only hard to experience those physical pains, but one of my main Love Languages is touch which left me feeling lonely.

 

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I worked with a friend of mine to find the best essential oils for me to help heal the inflammation. Within a month, I was able to get the pain gone.

 

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Doing the Dressing Your Truth program began to teach me that I am lovable and created beautiful in my own type. I began to be excited to be me and tell others what I had learned.

 

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In the process, I had friends that were angry with me for doing so. I began to notice a pattern in these confrontations and I would feel the pain severely again. Some of it was that I would turn to my sugar addiction and my body is already out of balance with bad bacteria causing Leaky Gut. Part of it is that I would revert right back to “Somebody doesn’t like me, I’m not good enough” thinking. I realized after the last time, that I’d had enough of taking my anger out on me.

 

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I began to go to counseling to learn to deal with my anger in a healthy way. And here I’ve been learning to set boundaries in my relationships, to be more patient with myself, and to use my voice.

 

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One of the things that my counselor has been reiterating is that emotions don’t last very long. If we don’t allow ourselves to feel our emotions, it turns into suffering.

 

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I used to stop myself from crying because it wasn’t a “positive” emotion. I felt that it was incorrect to be angry or to cry. I would still be angry, I just wouldn’t express it. Pretending that the feeling wasn’t there didn’t make it go away. My anger would then last for a few days, then I would get depressed for a few days thinking that it was my fault that I was feeling angry and it was wrong. Then would find a way to move on.

 

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But this weekend, my husband and I went out to eat at a buffet. Going out to eat is hard for me because so many things can knock me back down again. I got a lot of meat and found a few veggies that were not covered in sauces. My husband sits down with carbs. I looked at his plate and said, “I miss that.” He said that a little bit would probably not hurt me, but in this healing stage, I need to stay away from it. I also know that I wouldn’t stop with a little bit because I fear I may never have it again and go overboard.

 

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And I began to cry. This time, I didn’t stop it. I cried because of grief over the loss of my favorite foods. I cried because it wasn’t fair. I cried because I caused this damage to my body. I cried because I don’t know how long it will take to heal.

 

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And after a couple minutes of crying over my food, it was over. I took a deep breath and felt great! I didn’t not mourn for the rest of the day. I did not mope about it for the next week. I wasn’t angry with myself, depressed about it, nor did I feel the Fibromyalgia pain. I’m so excited that I’m learning!!! I’m getting it!!! It’s one thing to know what is wrong with you, or have the answer of how to get better, but accomplishing that task is so rewarding!!

 

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I know that without my vitamins and supplements right now, I would still and have crashed. I know that diet changes and exercise are crucial and I don’t have it down, yet! I know that I need to be especially careful around hormone changes. I know that what works for me, may not work for everyone, but it doesn’t mean there aren’t answers for you. I know that addressing whatever caused the problem may not be the only way to heal. Because all parts of the body work together, one thing can affect all the other. By praying, hoping, being willing to seek and find answers, and paying attention to my body, I was able to see the connection for me. I am excited that I am practicing feeling my emotions, learning how to voice them, that it is okay to do so, and that I’m getting this part!!! I am healing!

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Recovering Perfectionist Here

This Amazing Journey

 

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It’s not fair!

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“It’s not fair!” My 5yr old son was throwing a tantrum. I asked him to do his chores, he refused, and now was missing out on the T.V. show that his siblings were watching. “It’s not fair! It’s not fair!” He continued. I can completely relate to this feeling.

 

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When I was 13yrs old, I gave up chocolate because I was addicted to it. A speaker at church talked about addictions, and I took to heart that scripture, “if your hand offends you, cut it off.” (Mark 9:43) In quitting chocolate, I noticed that my asthma attacks went way down. It was difficult. I proved that I had self-control and that it did not control me.

 

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When I was 16yrs, I noticed that my stomach felt like it had knives in it when I drank milk. I switched to rice milk, though, the colonoscopy results said “the beginnings of stomach ulcers.”

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When I was 18yrs, I began passing out and having severe migraines. I found a severe intolerance to Red Dye #40, and a corn allergy were the cause. Often these ingredients were together in products which made it easier to avoid both.

 

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And now, in my mid-thirties, my body won’t tolerate sugar. A little over a year ago, I began experiencing Chronic Pain and Fatigue, and other Dysautonomia/POTS symptoms. My body is very low on salts and doesn’t hold them anymore, so sugar sends me right back where I was over a year ago. It’s just not fair.

 

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This Christmas, they were passing around treats at church, and normally, I can refrain because they are pre-packaged. (Either chocolate, corn syrup, red dye or all 3.) But there were tiny muffin size home-made pecan treats… so I ate a few. Almost immediately afterwards, I felt light-headed. I went to the kitchen and took out my emergency Nuun tablets. It wasn’t enough this time. It was just not fair!

 

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Now, I have been learning to love myself this last year, but right there, I turned immediately to frustration at myself. But, if I truly looked at this situation with love, I would see how far I’ve come and be a little more patient in my learning… just like my 5yr old child in the beginning of this post.

 

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A year ago, I didn’t know why I was so exhausted. I not only have those answers of why, but how to heal. This is my first Christmas knowing how sugar hurts my body. It’s hard to cut out foods or change anything regardless of what that change is. And frankly, life just isn’t fair. It’s okay to grieve through it. We all have our own struggles. I’m realizing that the expectations I place on myself to “Get it right already!” are just as damaging as the sugar itself.

 

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I have learned to avoid harmful foods before. I have made healthy changes before. I can be patient with myself while I learn to change and be healthy in this new way. I have a wonderful support system that is ready to help me in the way I ask. I can use my voice and ask for help. I can change and learn at a pace that I’m able to handle. And… I can enjoy the accomplishments I’ve made this far.

 

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For more articles like this one:

Faith and Encouragement

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I Have a Choice

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Recently, I’ve been becoming more aware of what I am thinking. I had already noticed a couple of months ago how my Fibromyalgia would flare up when I was angry. I began to be aware of how much throughout the day that I really am angry and how I deal with it. And just to clarify, anger is not bad. It tells me that something is wrong.

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Most of the time, I have dealt with the anger through calming down with one of my “comforts” or things that make me feel safe and then dealing with the situation in a good manner. But I become overwhelmed when something from outside my home demands attention.

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So, becoming more aware of my thoughts is helping me to understand that it isn’t that I become angry, it’s that I am overwhelmed. My personal boundary has been crossed. I am taking on too much and am overwhelmed. Then, the anger tells me that something is wrong. But is it really outside influences that I am taking on too much? Is it too much inside the house?

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I have realized how often in the day I say the word, “should.” “I should get my vitamins.” “I should take care of that.” “I should get dinner on.” “I should clean that… fix that… handle that.” “I should have done that.” The real culprit, for me being overwhelmed, is me. I am putting so many expectations on myself.

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I’ve begun to change the way I speak internally to myself. I speak out loud to contradict my thinking, “I COULD do that.” I notice a change right away in my posture. I feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I am in control of what I want to accomplish. I have a choice.

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I am not to be controlled by everything around me. I don’t need to allow other things that kind of power over me. I can choose what I’d like to do everyday. I can help my children, teach them, help them to get along, speak nice to them, pray with them, or hug them. I don’t HAVE to. I can choose to when I feel it is right for me. I can choose to take care of myself in exercise, eating well, taking my vitamins, and not adding too much on myself. I don’t HAVE to, but I can choose to when I’m ready. I don’t have to do extra things outside of my home including church, grocery shopping, hanging out with friends, doctor appointments, etc. I can choose to do so when it is right for me.

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And in doing this, I am finding it easier to not just love myself better, but others around me. I have been choosing to be critical of myself and others in the past without being aware that I was doing so. I am learning to be more patient with myself and others around me by changing my thoughts. You can do this to, if you choose. You don’t HAVE to.

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For more articles like this one:

Faith and Encouragement

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Get Over It!

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Sitting in church not too long ago, we were talking about how we could be more like Jesus. One of the ladies put her hand up and stated, “I just think we need to get over ourselves and love people. I tell my daughter that she just needs to buck up and stop taking things so personally. Cheer up and Move on! That’s what Jesus did.” This last week, I heard something similar from a gentleman, “Grow a thicker skin and a thinner heart.” I would like to address the lies and harm done in these statements.

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  1. Jesus was a man of many sorrows. (Isaiah 53) He felt pain and loved deeply at the same time. He didn’t have a “thicker skin” as to assume that pain bounced off of him or didn’t affect him. He bore his sorrow. We are also called to carry our own cross. (Matthew 16:24) Carrying our own cross is a tough thing. It’s not something we shrug off. To those of us that you might say, “Cheer up and Move On,” I might ask you to provide a little more understanding and compassion. Jesus understood our sorrows because he experienced them. We can provide empathy for those who are having a hard time and be there for them. In doing so, we give them hope, a smile, and a reason to move on: we show them Jesus.

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2. For some reason, we have it stuck in our heads that we have GOOD and BAD emotions. Anger, Frustration, Sorrow  VS. Joy, Happiness, Excitement. God made ALL of our emotions. Understand what our emotions are for and allow them to be expressed.

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Anger, Frustration, and Being Upset are all red flags to our system that something is wrong. Just like Pain in our body, we need to stop and address that pain. When we ignore it and push through it, we can cause major damage. Anyone who has had a knee or back injury understands the danger in that statement. Take a time-out, Rest, or Get away from the person who stirs up these feelings inside you. In a healthy way, express your anger or pain where you will not hurt anyone. Don’t go out and yell at the world hurting everyone in the process. Write your anger in a journal, Shout into a pillow. Talk to a friend that you trust not to gossip, but to encourage you. Think it through and realize what you’re really angry or upset aboutProcess the best way to confront the issue in a kind, loving way. If you cannot do that at that moment remember to come back to the issue soon or it will grow. And ALWAYS pray through it. It is through these issues in our lives that we can grow OR create more problems.

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I remember grieving over my first daughter who I miscarried at 16wks. So many people wanted me to hurry to get through the grief. “You’ll have another one.” “You’re still young.”  After a few months, even my own grandmother told me to “Get over it, already.” I was still grieving long after my son was born. Comments like those did not help me in my grieving process, in fact, it made me feel more alone than ever.

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We NEED to express our emotion. We need to go THROUGH the emotions similar to a grieving process if we are ever to heal. By stuffing them inside or claiming that they do not exist, we are making the emotion a bigger problem. It will be expressed one way or another. Sometimes, it comes out internally as mine did in Fybromyalgia or suicidal thoughts. Sometimes it comes out as explosions, sarcasm, or even apathy. Some revert to addictions. Not expressing these emotions that are tough to understand, causes us not to want to feel anything. How can you feel love if you do not feel sorrow? I know, for me, I can cry and laugh at the same time sometimes for the same reason. “My baby is growing up.”

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If we cannot feel, we cannot “mourn with those that mourn.” (Romans 12:15) We cannot have compassion on ANYONE. So, what’s the point of being together on this earth, if we do not care about each other? (1 John 4:7)  By NOT feeling our emotions, we cause Bitterness, Resentment, and Hatred towards others. This is not what God wants for us.

 

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3. We are all different personalities. Some of us can work through our emotions super fast, while others of us need to take our time and work through things a little longer. I know from experience that if someone pushes me to get through something faster, I will dig my heels in because I literally cannot process things when I am pushed. With these different ways of dealing with things also comes different amazing talents and gifts. We do not need to be like each other. We need to become the gifts that God created us to be and stop judging others for not being like US. Learn about different kinds of people and have understanding and appreciation for the different types. God made all of us to be different and to help each other. (1 Corinthians 12)

 

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Instead of saying, “Get Over It”  Let’s understand that we all have pain, have compassion for those that are currently experiencing it, allow ourselves and others to feel, express, and go through pain, be there for them who are going through it, and understand that there is no time limit on going through pain. We can be gifts to each other instead of robots. (expressionless mechanical actors) You cannot be both.

 

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I Don’t Need Your Approval

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It wasn’t but a year ago that I began this blog. It came out of my desire to remember what I was learning about how to heal from the symptoms of EDS, the desire to pass on information to my kids, and hopefully help others along the way.

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Earlier in the summer, I had attended my first EDS support group and learned many things. I had pain in my hands and  other joints which they affirmed was Chronic Pain.

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And then… something happened at a place where I felt safe… a church meeting. I was told to sit in the back so I could be easily gotten in case of emergency for my Mast Cell son. There was no discussion. I felt singled out. We had already come up with an emergency plan and this wasn’t it. I was so angry, shocked, and humiliated. I balled in the bathroom and was sought out by the person in charge. She didn’t seem to want to listen, but to inform me that her plan was best. At that moment, I could have walked out and never come back. I was ready to.

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A leader there convinced me to wait it out. She prayed with me and listened to me complain. She agreed that it was not the best way to handle things. Another friend did the same thing. My husband wanted to defend me. He made me laugh by saying that they should be rolling out the red carpet for me and having me sit in the front row instead of the back because of how amazing I was.

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I personally experienced stages of grief. And the nerve pain began. Tingling pain from the bottom of my spine all the way up and over my shoulders. Nobody could touch me. My mind became as if in a fog. I was extremely tired, but I couldn’t sleep.

I watched videos on Chronic Pain trying to figure out what to do. I contacted my friend who’d taught me about essential oils and she gave me different samples and suggested Fibromyalgia. I went to my doctor and he made an appointment with several specialists and tests. The tests came back negative. (which I was used to all my life.) One specialist suggested pain reliever or birth control. One was an occupational therapist for the pain in my hands. The other I needed to wait for. So, I set up a blog. And while waiting, I prayed, researched, tested, and when completely confident, posted.

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I had talked to the person in charge at church, told them a little of what was going on in my life, and how hard it was for me to take what had happened. She apologized and has become my biggest advocate there. I had gotten the Fibro pain down within one month with essential oils. I researched diet changes to prevent further problems. When I had finally gotten in to see Dr. Collins, she backed up the information I had gained and added supplements. I had continued therapy exercises to strengthen my hands, as well as, core body strength. I had begun the Dressing Your Truth program and not only felt better in the right texture of clothing and more confident, but I began to understand myself emotionally. My first specialist was ecstatic. I was so excited to share what was working for me with others.

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Since then, over the last year, I have had people who I thought were close friends and family write angry letters and completely turn their backs on me and my family. Each time, I went through a grieving type process. Each time, I have gotten better at handling it, however, I feel the fibro pain begin at the top of my spine threatening to flare up and I know I’m not there,yet.

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But when praying about it this last time, it hit me. I have an Approval Addiction. This need for approval has caused me to become a victim in each circumstance. And when I was rejected, I would turn to another addiction: sugar cravings, facebook, spending addiction, or in the past, anorexia. I was doing this all subconsciously, but I have been doing it for most of my life.

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So, I’m ready to heal another part of my life. I’m ready to take care of myself. I have felt God’s amazing love for me, but it’s okay to love myself AND to not be loved by everyone.

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I don’t need your approval to be the beautiful person that God created me to be. I don’t need you to love me to take care of myself. I don’t need to fall prey to your manipulation and I don’t need to victimize myself. I can call it what it is, stand on my own two feet, and know that I am loved whether you love me or not.



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Climbing out of the Canyon

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Last year, I feel like I fell into this deep canyon. Many people who had the same thing that I have called it “chronic” with “no cure” adding to feelings of hopelessness. I was experiencing depression so bad my chest ached, pain in all of my joints (Chronic Pain,) nerve pain up my back (Fibromyalgia,) emotional and social pain, severe menstrual pain that made me want to throw up (Adenomyosis,) severe migraines, loss of energy (Chronic Fatigue,) fogginess, insomnia, becoming sick on most foods (Mast Cell), and dizziness to the point of passing out (POTS.) I feared for not only my quality of life, but my children’s. I would not be able to homeschool them, I would miss out on their lives, I would need a caregiver, and they would end up in the same predicament as me in the long run. If I had listened to the voices of hopelessness, I would not be where I am today and it would have affected everyone around me.

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But I prayed. I did not moan with the question, “Why me?” I wanted to know what He wanted me to learn. I sought answers. I did not give up. I listened as one man who had experienced severe allergies to everything (Mast Cell) inspired others on a support group with being able to run after one year of hard work. I have fought my way up this canyon wall learning to use many tools along the way with God, the Master Physician, leading me. It’s still tough. Sometimes, I forget to use the tools and want to quit. But I’m still fighting. Today, I am stable with very little medication (the need for it going down monthly), supplements and nutrition, herbs and essential oils, exercise, emotional healing, and I am not afraid to learn more. I am back to cleaning my house, being creative, feeling clear, excited about life, still homeschooling and teaching my kids what I have learned so they never have to experience what I went through, and rarely ever getting dizzy. (When I do, I have my emergency bag with me.) I feel I am halfway back to feeling healthy and still climbing up on this journey.

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Can I cure EDS? No. But I can live out a normal life bringing out the best in my genes and teach my kids to do the same. I am no longer lying down unable to move, no longer afraid, and definitely not hopeless. I want to bring hope to others with the things that I have learned… and last but not least, be there for my own family. NEVER Give up!!! There ARE answers. There IS Hope. You are NOT alone! May God Bless You on your journey as you Seek Him for the Answers He can lead you to.





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Homemade Arnica Cream

muscle-relief-creamArnica stimulates the activity of white blood cells, which not only strengthens the immune system, but also digests congested blood and displaces congested fluids in injured tissues, joints, and muscles.

Dealing with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, we have a LOT of bruising! I used to get so frantic fighting with my children to keep ice on for a half hour to keep the hematomas down. My mom brought over this cream that she made and I thought, “Why not?” I first began to use it on the bruises all over my kids’ legs. Once or twice a day seemed okay to get the bruises gone within a week. I thought it was neat, but didn’t really know how awesome it was.

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The next time my child got a forehead injury with a lump, I could not fight him to keep the ice on. My mom kindly reminded me to use the Arnica cream. The lump had gone down and did not have a lasting bruise. I was shocked. I did the same the next time I had an injury and I could feel the cream “zinging” (circulating the blood.) After we’d run out, my mom made another batch and added in Comfrey and Yarrow. I noticed that the healing of bruises went down to a couple days for me.

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Not long after, I strained my side for the second time. I decided to try the Arnica cream on it. The previous time that had strained it, my side had taken about 6 weeks to recover. This time it took a couple of days. I then used it on the ankle that I kept spraining and my knee that I kept injuring, to my hips subluxing. I am so impressed by how fast I can heal as long as I keep applying it 2-3 times/day.

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Here are a couple recipes to do plain Arnica cream. You can add other herbs, also to your cream. Make sure that it is the same part of each: If you do Callendula, Arnica, and Comfrey, make sure that its the same amount of each. Example: 1/4 cup Callendula, 1/4 cup Arnica, and 1/4 cup Comfrey. Just don’t let it go above the top of the mason jar and keep room for your oil. (I do not know what is in other store-bought Arnica creams, but I do know that this one has worked for me. I try to be self-sufficient vs. store bought if possible because I do not like additives. Better and Cheaper together equals better over all in my book. My body is very sensitive to harmful additives and I need to be careful.

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WARNING: Do NOT use it on open wounds. It could irritate the wound or cause a rash.

WARNING: Do NOT use while pregnant as it can cause miscarriages.



My favorite way of using the Arnica cream is in a roll up bottle like the ones they make for deoderant (for home) or chapstick (for travel). This way we don’t have to touch it and make a mess.

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Here are a couple of options to buy your dried herbs from:

http://www.starwest-botanicals.com/category/bulk-herbs/

http://www.herbco.com/c-2-bulk-herbs-spices.aspx



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