This series of books (marriage, children, work-place, etc) have been so eye-opening to me; one of the first times I’ve realized why I acted that way, why I felt unloved or loved not to mention how to love others. I find it AMAZING!!!
Just like any other personality book, we all need all of the love languages, but there is one leading love language. If you don’t get this love language, you feel like you are dying inside. I find that I am “bi-lingual” with two of the love languages because of how I grew up.
The Five Love Languages are:
1) Physical Touch
2) Receiving Gifts
3) Acts of Service
4) Quality Time
5) Words of Affirmation
Within each of these “love languages” are different dialects; We speak it in different ways. One of my daughter’s main love languages is physical touch and she hates to be tickled. One of my son’s love languages is also physical touch, and he loves to be tickled and punch his brother in jest. One of my main love languages is Physical Touch because I grew up in a home where you hugged when you saw each other or were leaving, where you kissed before bed or when you woke up, where we tickled each other and had light pillow fights…. However, in my teen years, I felt unloved and suicidal… and it carried over into my marriage. No matter how many wonderful words my husband expressed, I did not believe him and I didn’t care. When someone would give me a gift, it was nice, but if I didn’t need it or even ask for it, it really didn’t matter that much to me. I really didn’t want to spend time with anyone, I was happy by myself. When my husband did the dishes for me, I felt so loved! (even if I did complain at the time that he didn’t do it my way.) When my husband took out the trash for me or brought me my favorite candy…. I thought he was amazing and I felt cared enough to let him near me.
Now, I’m not saying this as a selfish thing; You need to find out what YOUR love language is first and why you act the way you do. But this did NOT make my husband change and love me the way I needed… until I learned how to love him. He is a Quality Time person. I found it really weird how he preferred to spend the money that I’d saved to get him the perfect gift for his birthday on going to a concert or museum together. When I was growing up, I didn’t feel cared about, so I walled myself in my room and learned to love being alone. I hated the t.v. BUT… my husband felt loved by me watching one of his shows at night with him. Now, I don’t even like some of the things he likes, but we compromise and find things that we both might agree upon to watch at night. (I like the 20min shows or things we can shut off and watch more later) He has offered recently to make me a salad before we watch something together and it means the world to me! Then… we spend some time talking about our day, cuddle, and go our separate ways both feeling loved.
This has also helped me to understand which love languages I lack in showing: I am highly critical naturally and have worked hard to become positive in the words that I express. It has been really hard for me to learn Words of Appreciation. But these are things I work on to show my family love because 1st, God loves me!
“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.“
~1 John 4:8
I know, sounds cliche’ and it is Biblical, but I wanted to talk about a time where I was feeling unloved, crying, felt alone… I was trying to hide it at the table with my two kids at the time. I prayed that “God, I just want to FEEL loved!” And there, my children said, “I love you, Mommy,” gave me a hug, and asked if they could do anything for me. Another instance, I had a newborn, was exhausted, everyone else was busy and I started crying and turned myself away from him praying that I couldn’t handle it. A friend showed up at the door, hugged me, and held the baby… exactly what I needed. God loves us MORE than any human being possibly can. When you are feeling unloved, pray and ask Him to show you! I know He will! He is no respecter of persons and loves you just as much as He loves me.
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