Tag Archive | Broken

Happy Birthday to me!!!! 

I am so excited to be alive!!! If everyone could understand what it feels like to feel dead, lifeless, immovable, unable, incapable… and then to be given life back!!! You would be so grateful for EVERYTHING that you are able to do, see, and be a part of! 




The last 12 years were spent in sickness. It felt like I was dying over and over again. I’d gain my freedom, and something else would happen. 4 times stuck in a bed. 4 times fighting through issues. Trying to find out who I was when I couldn’t accomplish ANYTHING. Trying to find out what was wrong with me. Trying to figure out how to heal, so that my children wouldn’t have to go through what I have.  




I learned to let people love me. It is not a weakness to ask for help. I learned that even though I couldn’t do it, God sent someone to help me; to love me. No, they weren’t perfect. But, neither am I. 




I learned to love my husband, my caregiver, my friend (not my enemy.) The little spats didn’t matter. The messy house didn’t matter. Priorities went back where they belonged. 




I learned to love my children instead of putting unrealistic expectations on them. I learned that we are all different and that it’s okay. Miscommunication can be worked through. Boundaries can be set. 




I have learned to love myself. Those mistakes that I was so hard on myself for were learning steps. Thomas Edison tried 1,000 times before he successfully invented the light bulb. I have no idea how many times I tried before I could walk successfully the first time. We only fail when we give up. I don’t have to be perfect, but I can keep trying to be better one attempt at a time. 


Background 003


I learned that I didn’t need to have everything that I wanted in order to have joy. I learned to be thankful for the hardships, not a victim full of fear. There is something good in every day. There is something that I can learn in the pain. 




God can use this for my good and the good of others. I have learned that I can still help others even lying in a bed. I can text encouragement, pray for others, and share what I have learned and overcome thus far even though I still have further to go. 




I learned that God can work miracles even when we can’t see how. I learned to listen closely to His Spirit and to follow directions. I had never walked so close to God before. 




I found the answers to heal on this journey, and I no longer have to worry about my children’s future. God wants me to use this information to help more than just my family, and I am excited to be living again!!!




Happy Birthday to me!
I’m Free to be the person God created me to be!!!



Magnesium Rich Foods



Here are some Magnesium Rich Foods that we are currently enjoying; most of which friends and family have gladly shared their knowledge and time with me… 



Roasted Garbanzo Beans (Chickpeas)

Originally, I had been frying them, but since burning a hole in the microwave above the stove, I decided to roast them. 450 degrees for 30 minutes.

1 can Garbanzo beans
1 Tbsp Olive Oil
1/2 Tbsp Paprika
1/2 Tbsp Cumin
1/8 tsp Cayenne Pepper
1/2 tsp salt





This is one of the first things I began making. At first my kids stayed far away from it, but after I told them that it was mine… they began wanting it. I have to keep the banana out for one of my children, but it is an amazing source of Magnesium!



Green Smoothie

1/3 Kale
1/3 Spinach
1/3 frozen Berries
1 Banana
1/2 Water (some use milk, but all use different kinds of milk in our household, so this is best for us. Almond Milk would be the highest source of Magnesium. Feel free to use ice if you don’t use frozen fruit.)






Kale Chips

My son made these last week after a friend at church told me how to make them. We all love the taste, and they are super easy to make. I did notice that when I put them away in a ziplock bag or plastic container, that they would become soggy again. I then put them back in the oven. We left them out all night a couple of nights ago, and they were super crispy!

In a bowl, mix Kale leaves with a tiny bit of Olive Oil and salt.
Put them in the oven at 350 degrees for about 10 minutes.







And just adding Avacado and Spinach to your Salad is a great boost of Magnesium!






This has been a fun learning experience for my family and I as we are changing for the better. I will add more as we learn more. I hope this encourages you today!


Other Related Articles:

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome

Magnesium Deficiency

Treatments for EDS



It’s not fair!



“It’s not fair!” My 5yr old son was throwing a tantrum. I asked him to do his chores, he refused, and now was missing out on the T.V. show that his siblings were watching. “It’s not fair! It’s not fair!” He continued. I can completely relate to this feeling.




When I was 13yrs old, I gave up chocolate because I was addicted to it. A speaker at church talked about addictions, and I took to heart that scripture, “if your hand offends you, cut it off.” (Mark 9:43) In quitting chocolate, I noticed that my asthma attacks went way down. It was difficult. I proved that I had self-control and that it did not control me.




When I was 16yrs, I noticed that my stomach felt like it had knives in it when I drank milk. I switched to rice milk, though, the colonoscopy results said “the beginnings of stomach ulcers.”



When I was 18yrs, I began passing out and having severe migraines. I found a severe intolerance to Red Dye #40, and a corn allergy were the cause. Often these ingredients were together in products which made it easier to avoid both.




And now, in my mid-thirties, my body won’t tolerate sugar. A little over a year ago, I began experiencing Chronic Pain and Fatigue, and other Dysautonomia/POTS symptoms. My body is very low on salts and doesn’t hold them anymore, so sugar sends me right back where I was over a year ago. It’s just not fair.




This Christmas, they were passing around treats at church, and normally, I can refrain because they are pre-packaged. (Either chocolate, corn syrup, red dye or all 3.) But there were tiny muffin size home-made pecan treats… so I ate a few. Almost immediately afterwards, I felt light-headed. I went to the kitchen and took out my emergency Nuun tablets. It wasn’t enough this time. It was just not fair!




Now, I have been learning to love myself this last year, but right there, I turned immediately to frustration at myself. But, if I truly looked at this situation with love, I would see how far I’ve come and be a little more patient in my learning… just like my 5yr old child in the beginning of this post.




A year ago, I didn’t know why I was so exhausted. I not only have those answers of why, but how to heal. This is my first Christmas knowing how sugar hurts my body. It’s hard to cut out foods or change anything regardless of what that change is. And frankly, life just isn’t fair. It’s okay to grieve through it. We all have our own struggles. I’m realizing that the expectations I place on myself to “Get it right already!” are just as damaging as the sugar itself.




I have learned to avoid harmful foods before. I have made healthy changes before. I can be patient with myself while I learn to change and be healthy in this new way. I have a wonderful support system that is ready to help me in the way I ask. I can use my voice and ask for help. I can change and learn at a pace that I’m able to handle. And… I can enjoy the accomplishments I’ve made this far.



For more articles like this one:

Faith and Encouragement

Treatments for EDS


Homeschool?! I could NEVER do that!


I have heard so many comments when people find out that I homeschool regarding how hard it must be. Honestly, I really don’t consider it as hard. I think it’s amazing. Now, yes… I get my kids all the time and don’t get a break, but I GET my kids all the time! I LOVE to have my kids around me and I see no better person to parent them, than me. So, while someone may say that they could “NEVER” homeschool, I’m here to show you that it’s all in perspective. We all make our own choices according to what we think is best for our child, here’s my perspective on a few of the excuses for NOT homeschooling….

Inspiration phrase for teacher appreciation. Written on chalkboard.

1) “I don’t have a teaching degree, so there’s someone more qualified to teach my child.” Now, one may be thinking that NOT having a teaching degree is a problem, but I am learning WITH them. Homeschooling doesn’t mean I’m teaching without textbooks; Curriculum choices are AMAZING! Homeschooling is more about guiding the learning and we all learn along-side each other. I get to spend one-on-one time with my children. I get to gauge their learning progress. I can teach them any WAY I want.


2) “I don’t have the time.” During the summer, I drove my oldest son to camp for a week… and home again. It was the most difficult week I’d had in a LONG time! Pile everyone in the car, drive him to where he goes, have some time to clean and maybe a nap for a little one, pile everyone back in the car, drive back, barely get dinner on, and calm down.  I can’t imagine all the extra-curricular activities one might have to drive for during the school year! That is incredibly stressful! One of the reasons I enjoy homeschooling is because it allows for more family time. While he was at camp, I missed talking to my boy and having his help around the house. He literally barely talked for the entire week! I only get these kids until they are 18 at best!

Not to mention, it really doesn’t take LONG to homeschool; I only use a few hours in the morning 10am-1pm to school my 4 children. The older children can do most of the work themselves. The younger children take an hour at most… and I only do this a few times a week. The rest of the time we spend on projects that are fun for all of us, workbooks and computer work they can do themselves, chores to learn to take care of themselves and each other, play time which I encourage after their work is done, other scheduled activities in the evenings, or hanging out with friends for a field trip.

Also, one of my favorite things about homeschooling is that we can take our school on the road with us. When my husband interned out of town, sometimes we all went and made a vacation out of it… after schoolwork was done for the day (which again didn’t take very long.)


3) “I have too many issues: anxiety, depression, migraines, physical conditions, etc.”  I have noticed that when a parent has that issue, most likely a child does, as well. In our family, we all share food allergies, Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, anxiety, etc. I could beat myself over passing those genes and behaviors on, ignore it, OR we could work on it together.

I believe that we have families to work on things together. We pray for each other, talk through things together, and learn how best to heal from things TOGETHER! I have noticed that when I have a bad day and need a little bit more help, the older kids are more willing to help out. I love that they learn empathy and compassion, as well as, a nurturing role for their siblings and managing skills.


4) “What about socialization?” I hate this term with a passion. I think it is extremely misused. If by socialization you mean that my kid gets to learn about cliques and try to fit into one of them, be bullied or become a bully in order to do so, become a robot only answering correct answers instead of thinking outside of the box, or becoming bored having to keep their mouth shut for so long, I think I’d rather pass.

First of all, I believe family comes first and that’s a priority I’d like to instill. As brothers and sisters, they will be connected a whole lot longer than any friend. The older children learn to be great fathers and mothers with first-hand experience working with their younger siblings. They learn to work together as part of the family unit with chores, as well as, their normal schoolwork. I also have a front row seat on how they treat others and can discipline or show more love to that child depending on their attitude and actions.

Second of all, we attend church and other related activities, hang out with other home-schoolers, do field trips, and allow them to do other community events that fit into their talents; including theater, symphony, sports, and art.


5) “I don’t have the money and both of us need to work.”  I understand financial problems, but I don’t believe it can’t be worked out. I know of a few homeschoolers where both parents traded off helping the kids with their work. We have learned to use our tax money for schoolbooks and other expenses needed instead of using it for an awesome vacation. It all comes down to what you feel is most important for your family.


I know there are many other excuses that people use NOT to homeschool, but whether you homeschool or not isn’t the issue. The issue is whether or not you are doing what God wants you to in raising His children in the Kingdom. I know I’m not doing everything that I SHOULD be doing, but that I’m doing the best I can trying to follow where God has lead me. Parenting isn’t easy. Homeschooling isn’t easy. Not Homeschooling isn’t easy. It all has to do with what you are called to do. God will give you the tools you need to do His Will.

Other Related Articles:



He Gives Us Rest


Such a crucial thing in my learning to get better: Rest. In fact, it was the first thing I had to learn. And believe me, I went throwing a tantrum about it. Seriously, who was going to do all those things that I wasn’t doing! That’s my job! “Nobody else is going to do it!” Such harmful thinking… like being masochistic would make everything alright. Me working myself to death, feeling bitter because I was the ‘only one who could do it ALL’, was not helping anyone. My husband allowed me to do what I felt was most crucial because I was animate about doing it MY way; the RIGHT way, of course. My children were worried about not getting everything done and in not doing so, feeling unloved and unappreciated. Why would I want to do that? I felt I HAD to….

Until I couldn’t any longer. I broke.

If God who created the Universe and Everything in it intentionally rested, and then made it a commandment to rest in order to teach us to do so, as well… isn’t resting crucial?

Hebrews 4:1-13 “Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it. For we also have had the good news proclaimed to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because they did not share the faith of those who obeyed. Now we who have believed enter that rest, just as God has said,

“So I declared on oath in my anger, ‘They shall never enter my rest.’ ”

And yet his works have been finished since the creation of the world. For somewhere he has spoken about the seventh day in these words:

“On the seventh day God rested from all his works.”

And again in the passage above he says, “They shall never enter my rest.”

Therefore since it still remains for some to enter that rest, and since those who formerly had the good news proclaimed to them did not go in because of their disobedience, God again set a certain day, calling it “Today.” This he did when a long time later he spoke through David, as in the passage already quoted:

“Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts.”

For if Joshua had given them rest, God would not have spoken later about another day. There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience. For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”



This God created us to sleep to help us to have the energy we needed to accomplish the things we were meant to accomplish, and yet we continue to try and bypass it because we have so much to do!

As if God’s job wasn’t bigger than ours. And yet, we create things to keep ourselves awake, push through, and keep pushing our limits because rest is a waste of time. Until that’s all you have.


7 years ago, I thought I was SUPER WOMAN and tried to do everything. I even had such Pride about it that I would wonder why other women couldn’t do it all; Homeschool, Clean the entire house every week, Take care of myself, Work Full Time, everything Organized…. I was on a roll and loved that I could accomplish so much.

And then I was bedridden for almost 6 months with excruciating pain that I couldn’t get out of bed without painkillers. I learned to stop being so independent, to accept help, to have compassion for others, and that my pride was a façade.

A year later, something different happened to my body and I was stuck in bed another 6 months. I learned to get well slowly but I still hated to be down.

This time around, with another completely different problem, I’m learning to enjoy rest. I am NOT Super Woman or anything of the sort. I need help and rest just like any other human being.

no pain, no gain, red rubber stamp with grunge edges

Pushing through the pain is not a good thing. I had a doctor ask me if I wanted a shot for the pain in my knee; a torn meniscus. I declined because of my over-achieving attitude. Pain tells me when I need to slow down or rest. I can over-do things so easy. These days, going outside of the home for a while makes me feel exhausted and I give myself permission to rest when I get home. Nobody else is going to tell me that I need to rest. I’m learning to listen to my body.

But sitting still for too long can also be exhausting be it at home or a car ride. Rest from sitting still is moving. Rest from a project can keep me from getting overwhelmed. Rest doesn’t have to mean sleep.Rest doesn’t mean I’ll never get back to what I was doing. It’s taking a break; a pause.


Rest also has another meaning for me that I’ve learned over the last couple of years: Trusting in God to take care of the things I cannot. When I’m late because of whatever situation happened as we were trying to get out of the door, speeding is not going to help anyone. In this instance, I revert back to going out of town with my husband on our way to meet a friend. He was getting nervous because we were nearly 2 hours late and we couldn’t get a hold of her to tell her so. I held to the promise in Romans 8:28


This scripture doesn’t say that everything is good for those that love Him, but that God will work all things for our good if we are called to His purpose. He will arrange it to all work out. When we arrived at the house of our friend, she was so thankful that we had not arrived any earlier. In fact, she said, “I’m so glad that you did not arrive any earlier. I was stuck at the grocery store praying that you wouldn’t show up before I got home.”

As I have been healing, though, I have a long way to go in my journey, I’ve noticed that Rest is so important in all things. Life is all about balance. Stressing our bodies and minds is only going to cause more problems.

For more articles like this one, Check out Faith and Encouragement

Em-BRACE-ing the “REAL” Me


Last week, I went to occupational therapy and came home with another noticeable brace. I kept thinking, “People are going to ask what I did. How do I answer that I have a connective tissue disorder without having to give a lengthy  explanation of what it is.” I’d rather just give the short answer that “It’s just me!” and avoid it. But that’s the recovering perfectionist part of me.

This week, I went to a service and was asked to move because an elderly person needed my seat. Normally, I might not have blinked an eye. But that day, I was having trouble even walking. I tried to tell the usher that I needed the outside seat. She said, “Look at her!” I hate scenes. I couldn’t shout over the service going on that “I have a connective tissue disorder and today I can hardly walk!” I just left the auditorium in tears. I was so tired just from leaving the house. No matter how much I’d love to be positive and pretend that everything is well, some days, it just isn’t. If I knew it wasn’t going to be a good day, I would not have left my house. I guess I used too many “spoons” the previous day.

I may have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. I may fall apart and need help. I may fight it with all I’ve got and it may not end well everyday. People may not understand. It’s okay. I belong to God. EDS is not WHO I am. I am a Daughter of God; He who calls me His Beloved regardless if I’m a mess; He who calls me Beautiful even when I feel broken down; He who has a purpose for me no matter how useless I feel; I am His!

“The name Yahweh or Jehovah points to God’s self-existence. The Lord is eternal and self-sufficient. In theological language those characteristics are called God’s “incommunicable attributes.” These are attributes of God that He cannot share with humans. These incommunicable attributes are part of what it means to be uniquely God. We are not God. We are not infinite. We will always be finite.–we are needy and cannot sustain our own lives. We are not self-existent, eternal beings.

However, the “communicable attributes”–the attributes that God can and does share with us are His goodness and mercy; compassion, grace, slowness to anger, love and faithfulness. These are ways we will increasingly, though imperfectly be like God, if we are Christians. Because God has been good to us, we must be good to others. Because God has been merciful to us, we too must show mercy.”  

God is self-sufficient; the ONLY One who is. We all need help; some more than others.

So while I am not proud to be broken, I don’t need to hide. I need to work on what He wants me to and Rest in Him for the things I cannot do. I need Him. He is holding me together when I feel I’m breaking apart. He is my ultimate BRACE, and I am happy to be His and to continue becoming more like Him.

More articles like this:

Faith and Encouragement

Recovering Perfectionist Here

Confront me if I don’t ask for help.

Having to admit that I need help is very difficult to me; but someone noticing that I am lacking BEFORE I get up the nerve, is incredibly embarrassing. Maybe part of it is that I am an introvert and don’t like to make my private life everybody’s knowledge. (and here I am writing a blog-post for anyone to see) Maybe part of it is that I was taught NOT to complain because nobody wants to hear it. But most of it is that I like people to see the BEST parts of me because I am debilitated by criticism. Nobody likes to be critically judged and labeled. (I think this stems from being bullied in my younger years.)


But….. the point is that we ALL need help. We are ALL broken in one form or another. We will NEVER be perfect. Some people’s pain is evident on the  outside, but we ALL experience it. Those who judge other’s pain and say hurtful things are really insecure people who put up their wall a different way. Either way, it is not beneficial or healthy to put up walls or to stay in our own world thinking nobody understands us. How can ANYONE love us the way we need if we do not allow them to? We’ll get hurt more? Sure, we are going to get hurt from other people all the time, too, because they are ALSO imperfect. If we do not address the issue, WE are making it worse, not THEM. Furthermore, just because we don’t SHOW we are not hurting doesn’t mean that we are NOT. Just because you don’t WANT help, doesn’t mean you don’t NEED it.


The only person that WAS or IS perfect in this life is Jesus Christ, our Savior who gladly died for us, being a pure sacrifice, because of His love for the Father and us. Heavenly Father created us and knew all the pain that we would endure. He does NOT enjoy seeing His children in pain. He listens to our plights, our prayers, and He can give us what we NEED even when others don’t “understand”…. MANY times He helps us through other people.


So, instead of just the “hi, I’m a recovering _______” which is confession to everyone that we have a problem… I want you to recognize that we are ALL broken and hopefully on our way to recovery from whatever problems we have. (and while you may not be able to recover from some damaging physical problems, we CAN recover from the emotional pain and sin we have regarding those issues.)

For more articles like this one, Check out Faith and Encouragement