Tag Archive | Gifts

10 Things I Learned from my Type 1: Fun-Loving Son

TripodGirl_funny_face1024Type 1 is my Secondary Energy Type. I realized that after Facial Profiling myself because I was so confused trying to figure it out. In the past, I had subconsciously tried NOT to be myself because I felt that it was wrong. After I realized that Type 1 was my Secondary, I thought back to my childhood to see if this type was true for me. I remember being laughed at by my dad and called “naive,” “forgetful,” and “blonde.” These were not honoring to me, so I chose to try my hardest to be different. I also began thinking the same of other Type 1’s. Now, I’m so excited to be me! Here are some more things that I’ve learned from my Type 1 Son after reading the Child Whisperer.

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1.Type 1’s are High-Energy. My Type 1 son is usually found jumping off numerous things, climbing up walls, and racing around the house with a BIG smile on his face. Most people say that this is normal “boy behavior.” Honestly, my Type 4 son was NOT this way. Some people classify this as ADHD behavior, but I have learned, now, that it is an amazing way that this sweet, crazy, fun boy of mine was made. I am so grateful to see my son as “Fearfully and Wonderfully Made” (Psalm 139:14) instead of another problem to deal with.

 

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2.If it’s not Fun, what’s the point?!  I had been having a hard time trying to get my Type 1 to do school or chores. After learning that it just might be high energy and stopped comparing him to other kids or what I thought he should be, I began to get through to him more. Yes, I do still expect him to respect the place and time to be crazy fun, but I respect him, also for the way he is. It wasn’t just that he needed to MOVE more, it’s that he didn’t feel it was fun or even as fun as something else he could be doing.

Because I Homeschool, I was able to have a little more freedom to experiment. I started finding ways to make school fun; I would have him take a break when he felt frustrated and do something else: “Finish this line” or “Finish this page and you can…” climb up the wall, dance in a circle, give a high five, or make a silly face. Within the first couple of weeks of doing this, my son began to cling to me. I realized, that he felt understood by me and it made me happy and sad at the same time. He didn’t feel understood by anybody else. He also began to recite more of what he had learned in school with me and I was shocked.

Then I put up a list of “Making Chores Fun” around the house. I began teaching the older kids in the house how to get my Type 1 to do chores with them. I changed our bedtime routine to race each other up the stairs before the tickle monster came. Before the Child Whisperer, my Type 1 and Type 4 sons clashed constantly. Now, they are understanding each other better, and MOST of the time allowing each other to be who they are. I occasionally still take them aside to remind them that they are different and that’s okay.

 

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3.Type 1’s are Random.  For Type 1’s it’s very easy to become distracted. I have often laughed at myself and others for forgetting things. I have realized that sometimes, it just goes with being Type 1 and to laugh about it. Other times, I realize that Type 1’s need and crave spontaneous behavior and randomness. Strict schedules are helpful, but can be too restrictive.

We have a set time for school in the morning. Sometimes, it can be very difficult to try and get my Type 1 to focus. I’ve realized that sometimes it’s not about making it fun, but changing it up a bit. Just switching to a different book when overwhelmed can be a big relief. Other times, I use what is distracting my Type 1 son to focus. “When you finish this line, you can play with your doll” “…..put your head inside your shirt.” “….sing that song you want to sing.” whatever he is getting distracted by in the moment.

Also, Surprises are the best way of showing love to a Type 1. My Type 1 loves getting random toys that I picked up at a swap meet or dollar store just because I love him. Tickling surprises, random kisses, and taking him to the park without him knowing where we’re going are all fun, random, and spontaneous ways of showing my Type 1 that I love him!

 

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4. Being Loud may just be an expression of Happiness Bubbling Over!!! Many times, my Type 1 son will walk into the room and randomly shout “Boom!” for fun or run up to someone to tickle them. He is so excited and naturally optimistic that he wants to share it with everyone!

I am naturally a quiet person (Type 2) and Loud noises aren’t something that I usually like. I have learned to state to my Type 1 Son that it does scare me when he does that. I state that I really enjoy being with him, but then suggest another way of addressing me. I also have certain places deemed for being loud inside the house.

I have found that sometimes when I talk to a girl friend of mine, I get overly excited about sharing something important to me and I get loud. That has often scared me that I would “get out of control” like that. But now, I realize that it’s just my Secondary Type 1 coming out in a passionate excited way. And it’s okay!

 

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5. Type 1’s like to make people Happy! It is common to find Type 1’s as the Class Clowns or making jokes to make you smile. My sweet Type 1 Son has ALWAYS made me laugh. When he was little, he had the biggest grin, I couldn’t help but laugh with him. He always knew how to get me to smile. When my Type 1 Son feels that I am upset, he will give me a hug, smile at me, and tell me that he loves me. One day, we were all watching a movie as a family. My Type 1 Son jumped into my lap and began kissing me to get me to laugh and pay attention to him. We giggled through most of the movie.

Because Type 1’s love to make people happy, they often sacrifice what they want. Sometimes my Type 1’s older siblings can take advantage of his being willing to share. It’s easier to ‘give in’ than to have contention. I sometimes do need to remind my Type 1 Son that it is okay to say what he wants, too.

 

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6. Type 1’s have Tons of Brilliant Ideas! My Type 1 Son can offer many ideas of fun things he would like to do all within seconds of each other. “Let’s play a game! Let’s watch a movie! Let’s ride bikes! Let’s go swimming! Let’s play Legos!” When Type 1’s feel like they HAVE to follow through on ALL of the ideas that they have, they can get very overwhelmed. Again, they just love the freedom to be spontaneous.

One of my sisters loves to offer different ideas after we have established plans. I used to get upset wondering why she’d change things on me! I realize now, that it is a way of trying to make everyone happy. Somebody in the group expressed a concern about the plans and she was trying to offer more ideas to make everyone happy.

 

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7.Type 1’s crave socializing! One of my Type 1 Friends is amazing at getting a group of friends together. The more, the merrier! They love being with friends and everybody IS their friend. However, it doesn’t mean that they want to hang out with everyone. After learning that Type 1’s love to be around friends, I decided to take my Type 1 son with me to a New Year’s party. He stood beside me most of the time because he didn’t know the family well. (They also had many Type 1’s in their family) I then realized that it had to be someone he knew and trusted.

Having a Secondary Type 1, as well, I need to be around a friend or two at least once a week. At my home church, I am a social butterfly. As a Homeschooler, we have a few families that I trust to hang out with once a week. Type 1’s need to have fun with friends or they literally feel like they are dying inside.

 

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8. Type 1’s do not mind being the Center of Attention! It is most often Type 1’s in the public limelight. When my Type 2 Daughter (with a Secondary 1) decided that she was going to sing a solo at church, My Type 1 Son said that he had wanted to do it, too! It’s not that Type 1’s are attention hogs, it’s that they are happy to have fun in front of others; they feel free to be themselves. We all have gifts to bring to the table.  I recently realized this Type 1 gift of theirs when I asked a Type 1 friend of mine to address our group of friends. I didn’t mind talking to them, but getting everyone’s attention is something that makes my heart race; it is not natural for me to shout. I’m thankful for their ability be themselves and have fun with it!

 

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9. Anger may be explosive and over just as fast! Some days, I will ask my Type 1 Son to do something that he doesn’t want to do. He throws a big fit like it’s the end of the world. When I first began learning that he liked fun, I would try to make him feel better by tickling or teasing him. It only made it worse and the anger kept escalating. I then changed it to, “Okay, come down when you’re ready.” He would announce “NEVER!” and yet be back in 5 minutes saying he was sorry and did as I asked. By allowing him to be angry, I’m letting him work through it. If I treated him like a terrible person for losing his temper, he might never truly learn to control it, because he’d never learn to express it. However, I do let him know kindly that he wouldn’t like it if I yelled at him.

 

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10. Media can be Superfun but doesn’t have to last all day! I have noticed that my Type 1 friends love games, movies, and music. My Type 1 Son has always loved board and card games. I began playing with these types of games with him when he begged me at 3yrs old. Once a week, we do a board game together.

He also began asking that we watch a movie EVERYDAY! That’s something that I don’t allow everyday, but we do have a Movie Night once a week with a Dance Party afterwards with the credits. I have suggested that they make movies instead and have often found my camera missing and in their possession. I like to encourage their creativity, not inactivity.

My family is very big on music. Growing up, my family had a lot of Type 1s. We would naturally use lyrics or song titles in conversations. Someone would say, “I’m so excited!” and one of us would naturally jump in with “I’m so excited! That I just can’t hide it.”

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I hope that this encourages you with your Type 1 to see the good Fun-Loving person that they really are. We don’t have to put each other down for being different. We can love each other, understand each other, and let each other become the gifts we were meant to be to each other.



Other related articles:

10 Things I Learned as a Type 2 Mom with a Type 2: Sensitive Daughter

10 Things I Learned from my Type 3: Determined Daughter

10 Things I Learned from my Type 4: Serious Son

Dressing Your Truth

Relationships

The Child Whisperer



10 Things I Learned from my Type 4: Serious Son

 

 

I was extremely stressed. Every time I turned around there was a new emergency. This I figured, is just life as a mom. And sometimes, it’s true. Life with kids is very hard. There are dangers that our kids know nothing about that they walk into. There are dangers that our kids don’t care if they were warned about, they do it anyway. They act out, we act out, people have accidents, life with kids can be crazy. I wanted to get the stress in my life under control. Part of that, had to do with my children.

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This is what lead me to the book, “The Child Whisperer.” My type 4 oldest son and I clashed on a daily, sometimes minute by minute basis. He was getting violent. We were always angry. No discipline was working and I was ready to commit him or me. After 6 months of considering this book, looking over reviews, contemplating the price, praying about whether this is something I thought would benefit me, I went for it.

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I did not read this book straight through; it’s pretty big and covers a lot of material. I already knew and loved learning about energy profiling. I also knew that we usually have a Dominant personality and a Secondary right up there with it. I went straight for the one that sounded like my son: Type 4 Serious Type. And I couldn’t stop reading it. With my normal responsibilities, it probably took me a a few days. But then I went through it again, took notes, asked my son questions about it, and started to understand. As I’ve been seeking more to understand him, our relationship has gotten much better. He has been seeking to understand his other siblings, (I have one child of each type) and learning to get along with them. He acts out less and is more confident. I am way less frustrated and less stressed. So, I wanted to express some things that I have learned about my Type 4.

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#1 Type 4’s need their own private space. Sharing a room with his complete opposite Type 1 brother, there was extreme conflict constantly. My Type 4 was constantly asking for his own room. He even opted to sleep in the unfinished basement just to have his own space. Before reading “The Child Whisperer” I had just said, “Too bad. Learn to get along with everyone.” He in turn would threaten his younger brother from entering the room at all and claim it all for himself. This was a constant daily battle. After reading the book and talking to him about it, I suggested we make a little cubby for him in a corner of their room. He agreed. In fact, even after just talking to him about it, he set forth in creating it. Now, yes, the other children were jealous and we’ve had to set forth discipline if they enter his area without permission, even make areas for them, too, but it has been a BIG stress reliever in our home.

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#2 It’s okay not to smile. A friend of mine was telling me about a party she had thrown. She said she was shocked when a young man (around 8yrs) with a serious expression on his face said, “This is the best party I have ever been to!” She told me that she wasn’t sure she believed him. I assured her that he was probably a Type 4 and to take him at his word.

My son constantly walks around with a scowl on his face. I used to get frustrated when he wouldn’t “smile” for pictures. It takes a while for Type 4s to process emotions and expecting my son to be “happy” like the other kids was actually preventing him from being able to do so. I cannot make him be different than he is and trying to do so was telling him that it’s not okay to be who God created him to be.

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#3 Say exactly what you mean and stick to it. My Type 4 would get upset at me because I said “No” to something. He would be so upset that he would leave the room. While he was calming down, I was considering how important it was to either of us and tried to come up with different plans. He would come back and I would offer other suggestions to try and make him happy. (part of my Type 1 Secondary) He would become angry that I had “changed my mind.” I have since learned to ask for time to think about a decision first, stick to that decision, and allow him to be mad about it. In doing this, he doesn’t get upset about my decisions as often in the first place, and if he does, he gets over it quicker.

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#4 Do not publicly humiliate a Type 4. In our home, we have 4 kids that I Homeschool. In Disciplining, we would talk about the issue and even follow through on discipline methods in front of all the kids. This was devastating to my Type 4 son. He felt like I was shaming him in front of the world. I have since learned to take him aside to talk about the issue at hand. This has promoted him to ask to talk to me privately about other issues. My husband, amazed one night, replied, “I hope this continues on and that he never stops talking to us.” I agree!

It is even harder, though, to teach the other children not to make a big scene about it. “Mom! He did this to me!” being shouted from the other room makes my Type 4 son feel 3cm tall. In fact, I recently heard this comment, “They just want me to look bad.” I do not want him to think that his own family is against him, and that is something that I try to work on.

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#5 Type 4’s do not enjoy surprises. Some of you who are Type 4’s may disagree with this one. If that is so, your Secondary may be a Type 1 who loves surprises and doesn’t mind change. This is not the case in my Type 4. When my son wakes up in the morning, he already has a plan of what he is going to do for the day. If I wake up and talk to him about what my plans are for the day, he may get very upset.

One Saturday morning, he said, “So, when are we going shopping?”  We go grocery shopping most Saturdays, but this particular one, we didn’t need to. After saying so, he ran off upset. While talking to him later, he said that he was angry because he had wanted to look at some superheroes and had planned it the night before in his head. He felt that he would never get to look at superheroes because we don’t usually go out shopping any day but Saturday. My husband decided to take him to a shop that day that just sold superheroes.

Type 4’s need to know in advance (at least the night before) what the plans are because their whole day is usually all planned when they wake up. I also warn my Type 4 son before any other child when we have 5 minutes before we are going to leave.

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#6  Time is very important to Type 4s. While dating my Type 4 husband, he used to feel very disrespected because I was always 10 minutes late. If I tell my son that I’ll work with him in 5 minutes, he will come looking for me in exactly 5 minutes! It’s not that he is trying to be rude, but that he feels a literal commitment. Again, back to “if you say it, mean it.”

Also, “We should do that sometime.” means today or tomorrow. My son recently talked to his grandparents about how he wanted to sleep over. After hearing, “Yes, we should do that sometime,” my son took that to mean, “Tonight.” He was very upset and said he felt “lied to” when he found out that’s not what was meant.

We have since learned to phrase it as, “We’ll check our schedules and get back to you in a few days.” If we don’t get back soon, he feels betrayed and unloved by that lack of action. Again, it is also okay to say, “No, not right now” or “I’m not sure. I’ll get back to you in a few minutes” or “tomorrow” to a Type 4 even if they get mad about it. They get over a “no” a lot faster than “sometime.” But get back in the time that you said.

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#7 Type 4’s have an keen eye for imperfection even in themselves. My Type 4 son can walk into a room and notice whatever has been changed or whatever is out of place within seconds. My parents recently got a new side table. Within seconds of walking in the door, my son said, “You got a new table?” This has often been an issue when he points out individual things he feels are wrong in his siblings. It will often come back to him instantly. “Well, this is wrong with you.” This can be a big ouch moment. It has helped to talk to him about the way things are said. It has helped even more to allow him to use that keen eye in other things.

My dad was building a deck in the back of his house. He asked my Type 4 son, who was 5yrs, “Where do you think the best place for stairs would be.” My dad was shocked when my son had a better idea. My Type 4 son even took the time to draw a picture of the best place to put the stairs.

Often when we have had times where my husband and I would get upset with our son and would talk to him later,  we would find he was talking very critically and unhealthy about himself. This has been the biggest reason for changing the way we talk to him. He may seem tough because he is blunt, but words hurt him deeply. He does not take being picked on lightly. And if he is not allowed an outlet for his gift of a keen eye, he will turn inward and pick on himself.

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#8 Do not take away things that are important to Type 4s. A big issue for Type 4s is being respected. Because I am a Type 2, I also have a big issue with that and we clash greatly on what that means. I felt that since my son wasn’t being respectful, I needed to take away things that were important to him to get his attention including big planned events, pets, and favorite toys. This was being disrespectful to him causing more disrespect in return. It was not worth the devastation to both parties.

This can be completely different if it is a decided consequence for everyone. For example: You are throwing your toy, so I need to put it up for a while. (See: Discipline vs. Punishment) And if all parties are in agreement that it’s not worth the consequence, it’s okay to change your mind.

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#9 Type 4s love to play with toys even though they are mature in many other areas. When my son was little, his favorite thing to play with was “Cars movie” cars. He would collect them, line them up, and eventually play pretend with them. Recently, I found him playing pretend with them and I was shocked. I thought he was “too old” for that.

My husband is also a Type 4 who collects toys of his favorite movies. Recently, I saw them playing superheroes together and I started laughing. He smiled and said, “What? It’s amazing how the right toy can make you feel young again.”

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#10 Being introverted does not mean that Type 4s don’t have friends. When my son was little, it really concerned me that he did not want to play with other children. Now, at the time, he was an only child. He also did not trust other kids. There was no way that I could get my son to go into nursery at church, join in the library singing time, or play on the playground with other kids. He would grab onto the door and fight for his life. He would cry and scream. We would sit and stare at the door together for two hours. There was no way I could get him to get along with other kids. His aunt began teaching his class when he was 4yrs and he trusted her and began to adjust.

The thing is, he is right. Little kids are unknowingly mean and he didn’t want any part of that. He simply didn’t trust them. When he was 7yrs old (and after a couple siblings had arrived), there was a family that moved into the area that we both connected with and trusted. They were Home-schooled, as well, honest, funny, and yet sensitive. My Type 4 son felt understood by this family and trusted them. He has since felt the same about another family. My Type 4 son knew exactly what he wanted in a friend and I trust his judgement on that. He can get along with many people, but he doesn’t feel the need to be close to those he doesn’t trust. And that’s okay.

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So, while in the past, I have probably seen the worst in my son in these things, I understand, now because of The Child Whisperer, that he has many gifts. I am still learning from my Type 4 son and sometimes still revert to old behaviors, but I am grateful that I have learned so much in the past 6 months on how to respect my Type 4 son. This has also helped me to understand other Type 4 people in my life where I may have felt judged by certain comments, upset when they shut me out, or confused when I tried to change to make someone feel better. So, if you’re having trouble with a Type 4 in your relationship, Be Patient, Be Honest, and Keep Trying!




Other Related Articles:

10 Things I Learned from my Type 1: Fun-Loving Son

10 Things I Learned as a Type 2 Mom with a Type 2: Sensitive Daughter

10 Things I Learned from my Type 3: Determined Daughter

Parenting

Personalities

The Child Whisperer