10 Things I Learned from my Type 3: Determined Daughter

As a Type 2, I have had a hard time being around Type 3’s or Type 1/4’s because I have felt over-powered. I am VERY grateful for the Child Whisperer book in teaching me how to not take our differences personally, but to see the gift that each energy type is and how we complement each other when we respect each other. Type 3’s are very assertive, strong-willed, and determined. Type 2’s are soft, sensitive, and take their time. I have learned and am still learning more about Type 3’s through my Type 3 Daughter.  I hope that the insight I have found in our home can help you in your life as well.

 

 

1. Type 3’s are Dynamic! I was lying in bed one morning as the day was beginning and all of a sudden stomping footsteps of my youngest came down the stairs loudly announcing, “I here!” Type 3’s intend to be heard. Wherever we go, my Type 3 Daughter says “hi” to strangers and if they don’t respond back, she’ll say it louder repetitively to make sure they heard her.

I was also thrown aback when my Type 3 Daughter began crazy tantrums at 12 months old. Most of my kids did not begin to try tantrums until about 18 months old. I have never been one to give a child what they want when screaming at me, but it has been a challenge to figure out what is best for everyone. We have found the best way for us to deal with it, is to have a place for her to go to scream her heart out and to come back and talk when she’s ready. It doesn’t do her any good to not be able to express her emotion, but it doesn’t help anyone else to be in the middle of it.

 

 

2. Type 3’s are Physical. Type 3’s experience their world physically. They are doers. One of my favorite family pictures is of my Type 3 Daughter tackling her Type 1 older Brother with a hug. She really doesn’t know her own strength and shows her love physically. Type 3’s are also great at sports if encouraged. My Type 3 Daughter loves to be tickled, chased if I’m roaring at her, and big strong hugs. Recently, my Type 3 Daughter was playing tag and accidentally pushed her older brother instead of tagging.

When my Type 3 Daughter was a baby she loved to touch textures on different people’s clothing. As she grew, she was the one who was into EVERYTHING: toilet paper, paints, her older sister’s fingernail polish, markers, her older brother’s pets or anyone’s toys. She does not feel that anything was off-limits. Again, this is just her exploring her world physically.

 

 

3. Type 3’s are Direct and expect that it return. When anyone comes over that my Type 3 Daughter hasn’t seen for a while, she expects a hug or to sit on their lap. Some have tried to ignore her request and found that she will sit on them, anyway, or keep asking. Some have tried to give her a lengthy reason of why that would not be a good idea right now. Unless the answer is a Yes or No, she doesn’t hear it. You will not hurt her feelings if you are direct. In fact, she would prefer that. That being said, don’t ask her if she wants to do something unless you mean it! She may say “Yes” and head out the door to accomplish what you said. We have found it a challenge, though, to not say “no” too much.

A Type 1 friend of mine told me a story of how a Type 3 in her life bought her clothes. For a while my Type 1 Friend was just being nice and accepted them. In doing so, the Type 3 expected payment. My Type 1 Friend felt like she had to defend herself and tell her that she didn’t like it in the first place and felt “pushed” by the Type 3 to tell her why. After the heated discussion, my Type 1 Friend said that she was just exhausted. The Type 3 then exclaimed that it had been “fun.” The Type 3 felt like she was finally getting to know the Type 1, but the Type 1 felt like she’d been in battle.

 

 

4. Type 3’s are High Energy. My two high-energy children run back and forth on the hardwood floors all day. While my Type 1 is super fast, my Type 3 is super loud. She stomps when she runs. This is just the natural way that she moves. Both types are constantly moving. My Type 3 would rather run most anywhere.

I have learned in the last year to tell my Type 3 Daughter last that we are going to do something. She expects it to happen right away when I tell her. Because of my slower energy, I would get frustrated that she was ‘pushing’ me to do right away what I said I was going to do. But recently, that has been changing.

A Type 3 may have an appointment to keep and try to do as many things as possible before the appointment. Sometimes, they try to accomplish too much because they love accomplishing many things at once. So, now, when I tell her last that we are leaving, she’s trying to do many things on her way out the door.

 

 

5. Type 3’s like to Accomplish Results and Enjoy a Job Done! If it doesn’t achieve fast quick results, it is not worth their time.  My mom invited her Type 3 friend to help her with a job that was overwhelming. As a Type 3, she assessed the job and decided that it was not something that she wanted to accomplish and declined. A Type 3 does not want to begin something that they do not see themselves accomplishing especially if it’s not their idea. However, when they do accomplish a job, they like to celebrate it. Usually a Type 3 is accomplishing 3-4 projects at one time.

I have given my Type 3 Daughter a few different chores. If she feels that I’m going to be too picky about it, it’s too overwhelming for her. If she feels she can get it done super fast, she does it fast. Because I like to be organized as a Type 2, I work together with her; I have put things in piles and told her where the piles go and she’s happy to work with me. And who better to celebrate success with than friends and family!

 

 

6. Type 3’s are Natural-Born Leaders. If you have a group of people and a plan, the Type 3 in the group will nominate themselves as the leader and set forth to get the job done. They will not wait for someone to nominate them because they know what needs to be done and aren’t afraid to do it or to tell others how to do it. My Type 3 Daughter has no problem telling everyone what to do, how to do it, and because “Mommy said!” My Type 4 Son and my Type 3 Daughter are great at understanding each other, getting the job done, and bossing others around.

 

 

7. Type 3’s are Determined and Persistent. One of the things that I love most about Type 3’s is their optimism. Because of their ability to know exactly what they want, Type 3’s make a decision quickly and attempt to accomplish what they have decided. With most of my children, I could tell when they were going to do something they weren’t supposed to. My Type 3 Daughter never had the expression of “When you leave this room, I’m going to…” She always decided quickly and attempted to get what she wanted also very quickly. (Toilet paper all over the bathroom, carving ABC’s in her bedroom door with scissors, painting her bed with fingernail polish, etc.) The only thing stopping her was whether or not she felt she could accomplish that thing. My Type 3 Daughter has been the easiest to potty-train and to learn to swim. I just encouraged her and told her that it was her choice. However, she decided against rock climbing, when she felt pushed into it, with a definite, “NO!”

 

 

 

8. REDIRECT!!! Because Type 3’s are Determined High-Energy people, they are like an electronic train on a one-way track. When you try and stop them from accomplishing what they determined to do, it feels like they are hitting a wall over and over until you allow them to go. The best thing to do in this situation is to pick the electronic train up and turn it around or put it on a different track: Redirect. I have actually said, “Go do something else,” and she has been able to redirect herself.

I also realized that Time-outs, as a way to think about what she did wrong, did NOT always work. My Type 3 Daughter could NOT connect what she did with sitting still. (She just became bored and tried to figure out something to do instead of think… playing with hands, ripping up a Styrofoam cup and making a letter out of it, singing, etc.) It was incredibly frustrating and confusing for both of us using time-outs as a way to help her understand what happened. Instead of time-outs, I gave her something to do. She would think while cleaning up the walls, putting away the shoes, or picking up her toys or books. We would talk after she did a chore and she would immediately recall what was wrong and say that she’s sorry. If she did the offense again, I would then follow it with previously discussed discipline. I also DO use time-outs as a place to calm down, and when she’s ready to do as I ask, come out.

 

 

9. Type 3’s are Competitive. When my Type 1 Son starts to run, he knows that he always has a partner. My Type 3 Daughter will jump right up and run with him and try to beat him. In sports, a Type 3 is usually more competitive than any other player. Type 3 is also the best Type to set a Timer to get something done to see if they beat the clock. Her favorite way to do chores is for me to count down from 60 seconds or set the timer on the clock. (as a Type 2, the beeping on the clock became a little too much for me to do consistently.)

Because of their Determined, Persistent, Dynamic High-Energy, Type 3’s are great at setting up a business. Their ability to only hear “yes or no” also makes them great salespeople. If you want someone to go into business with, a Type 3 may be your best option.

 

 

 

10. Sometimes, Type 3’s just need your acknowledgement. Because of Type 3’s desire to celebrate their accomplishment’s, they also want others to do the same. It’s a big deal! On more than one occasion during the day, my Type 3 Daughter is shouting, “Yeah! I did it!”

That being said, I have also noticed what when my Type 3 Daughter gets hurt, she just wants acknowledgement. If I hear a big boom, I shout into the other room, “Are you okay?” I hear back, “I’m okay!” as she comically gets right back up with an, “All better!” If I do not acknowledge that she was hurt, she will make a scene.

 

 

So, while in the past, I have probably seen the worst in my Type 3 Daughter in these things, I understand, now because of The Child Whisperer, that she has many gifts. I am still learning, especially considering I have stayed away from Type 3’s most of my life, but I am grateful that I have learned so much on how to respect my Type 3 Daughter. If you’re having trouble with a Type 3 in your relationship, Acknowledge Them, Be Direct, and Redirect! It’s amazing what understanding can do in your relationship!

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

 

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

Other Related Posts:

10 Things I Learned from my Type 1: Fun-Loving Son

10 Things I Learned as a Type 2 with a Type 2: Sensitive Daughter

10 Things I Learned from my Type 4: Serious Son

Dressing Your Truth

The Child Whisperer

10 Things I Learned as a Type 2 with a Type 2: Sensitive Daughter

Okay, so I must confess that I have some experience in this area. After reading the Child Whisperer and going through the Dressing Your Truth program, I discovered that I am a Type 2 Mom and MY Dad is also a Type 2. We are Soft, Sensitive People. But, when you have a child just like you, you may treat them the way that you were treated instead of the way they need.

I was raised with more of a Type 4 hand; feeling like it was NOT okay to be me. I was told I was “Too Sensitive” constantly and I did not feel like I had a voice. I became an angry adult that would not be pushed around or disrespected and I was most definitely heard by those closest to me. (which means I was doing the pushing and disrespect.) Both my parents and I are now thankful for this amazing insight and have been applying it for a couple of years, now. Here are some of the things that I have learned, and I hope it helps you.

.

1. Complaining = Uncomfortable.  We had a rule in our home growing up; no whining or complaining. We had to list things that we were grateful for. I began to incorporate the same rule with my children within their first years of life. It can be exhausting as a parent to hear the constant complaints and whining, when we KNOW our kids have it so good.

Type 2’s are BIG on Comfort and aren’t really good at expressing it well. But here’s the thing. When we, as parents, say that we “don’t want to hear it,” we are actually saying, “I don’t care about your problem and refuse to listen.” Is that really our job as parents? I believe that our job as parents is to be the one that LISTENS to them, COMFORTS them, and THEN helps them to see it in a new light. Why would our kids want to listen to someone who doesn’t listen to them? When I’m upset, I need someone to listen, uplift and comfort me, and give me a new perspective. If I called my friend up and began venting, and immediately, she interrupted with, “Yeah, but tell me 10 things you are grateful for?” I’d hang up and not trust her again.

See, I believe that we’ve all succumbed to this lie that It is not okay to be upset, sad, or angry. If we are not allowed to express these feelings, they will come out externally or internally one way or another. Just because we announce that we are not allowed to have certain feelings, does not mean that they go away. All feelings were created by God and we can learn to express them in healthy or unhealthy ways.

2. Crying is okay. Not long after the Dressing Your Truth program, I had realized that it was okay to cry. My Dad always laughed when my mom and I cried during movies. I felt then that crying was a weakness. I realize, now, that it is part of my Sensitive nature… and it’s okay.

Type 2’s are very Soft-Hearted and Compassionate. Because of their sensitivity, they know what it feels like to be left out or made fun of. They may become defenders of others who feel the same. Not long ago, I took my Sensitive Daughter to the theater to see the live-action Cinderella. I loved that we could cry together and cuddle when Cinderella cried. How beautiful it is to freely feel pain without stuffing it inside. Our sensitive children are the ones that will be the most empathetic nurses and truly heal others by offering their gift of compassion. But not if we beat it out of them and treat that natural gift as repulsive.

3.Type 2’s are Soft-Spoken and Sensitive to Loud Noises. Many of my children have Type 2 Secondary Energy Types. My oldest could not handle auto-flush toilets. I would put a pull-up diaper over the sensor while he was potty training and we’d gone out to the library. Most of my kids (except my Type 1 child) put their hands over their ears for the automatic hand-dryers, vacuums, blenders, or fireworks.

Type 2’s have a soft-spoken, shy voice, however, on any number of occasions, my Type 2 Daughter has been the loudest when angry. One day, when I asked her why she was so upset, she told me that her brothers were picking on her and they didn’t listen when she’d asked them to stop. She did not feel listened to and felt disrespected when she had to repeat herself.

As a child, I remember being told to “speak up” constantly. “Speak up! You’re muttering!” Type 2’s have a soft-spoken nature because we love peace; we want everyone to get along. We also don’t want to shout because we feel that’s when someone is angry. When someone asked me to “speak up” I wanted to shout back in their face. As a Type 2 Mom, I’ve had to remind myself that I WILL be heard if I repeat myself to my kids in a soft, kind voice, AND if they choose to ignore me, I can deal with it in a Positive Disciplinarian approach.

However, my dad and I are both known for blasting our music. I will sing with it as loud as I can to express myself. I feel that music is another language that allows me to express the feelings I have a hard time voicing either in the feel of the music or the lyrics of the music.

4. Type 2’s want to figure out why things work the way they do. As a child, I wanted to figure out how my violin worked. I took it apart piece by piece just because I found it so interesting. My mom was furious because I couldn’t put it back together, but my dad said, “That’s something I would do.”

My dad is great at fixing almost anything. I know of a couple of other Type 2 friends who are engineers. My Type 2 Daughter, though, will be watching people and ask, “Mom, is he a Type 1?” “Is she a Type 2 like me?” She loves to figure people out.

I realize, now, that having to figure things out is the very reason she asks me, “Why?” when I ask her to do something. She has a real need to understand. She isn’t trying to be hostile or defiant like other personalities when asking why. She really wants to know. As a child when I asked that question, I was just told, “Because I said so.” Many times, I’ve decided to ask someone else I trusted or research it for myself. (which Type 2’s also enjoy! I’m sooooo grateful for Google!)

I’ve watched another of my friends parent her Type 2 Daughter with such openness that I’ve watched that very same Type 2 Daughter listen intently to the answers and apply it to her life perspective. She really wants to understand and feels respected when she’s answered..

5. Type 2’s do not handle criticism well and are constantly questioning themselves. Recently, my Type 4 husband was joking at the table that Type 4‘s were obviously perfect and the “right type” to be. My Type 2 Daughter then decided that she must be a Type 4. I wasn’t sure at first why she decided to make the switch, but after letting her go through the program and videos with me, (and me disguising which one was which,) she kept choosing Type 2. When she KNEW which program it was, she would choose a Type 4. I asked her if she felt something was wrong with being a Type 2. She didn’t come right out and say that it was the dinner table teasing. I talked to my husband later and told him what was going on. He addressed the issue with her the following day and told her that he loved that she was a Type 2. He told her that he loved me because I’m a Type 2, that she reminded him of me, and that he loved that about her. She felt okay being herself after that.

Type 2’s also do not handle sarcasm well. We crave honesty and peace. We feel sarcasm is anger wrapped up in a joke. Type 2’s do not feel that making fun of people is funny. It’s hurtful and hateful and we would not want that done to us.

6.Type 2’s cannot handle being “pushed.” We are a slower energy. Type 2’s feel things deeply, and we do not process our feelings very fast. Because we are sensitive, we can be shut down very easily. There have been many times where I would rather not speak or shut my feelings off instead because I do not trust either the situation or the people. I have often felt suicidal when I felt trapped because I did not trust being able to express myself.

The more that Type 2’s are pushed, the more we have to slow down or anxiety may take over. As a 5-year-old, I was extremely sick to my stomach all the time. When taken to the doctor, they said I was on the verge of a stomach ulcer. I was so afraid of being late. As a teenager, I remember shaking trying to hurry and get ready for church on Sunday mornings. I was always late and it got worse when my parents told me they’d meet me out in the car and honked the horn.

I think the best thing I have ever been told is “Take all the time you need” instead of “Hurry up.” In that instance, I was excited to hurry instead of panicked and afraid I’d forget something.

7. Type 2’s crave connections. Although, we may not be “party” people, we do love our friends dearly and crave one-on-one connections with them. We are, also, very loyal people to those we trust. We are family-oriented and love to connect past memories with new memories. Some of my favorite things to do include scrapbooking, organizing (matching), and learning how to love myself and others better. I love to remind my family that “People matter more.” I enjoy thinking about my family’s future and what legacy I will leave.

Not too long ago, my son who has a secondary Type 2, claimed that he hated church and didn’t want to go anymore. I asked him if there was any particular reason. He said that he wasn’t allowed to talk to his friends. He had to sit through lessons, and then we went home. I understood his need to make a connection. Church should be a place of Fellowship. I prayed with him right there that if God wanted him there, he would allow him to make connections with his friends. That day, he was so excited that a couple of the classes had been combined and he’d been able to be in the same class with friends that he’d already trusted.

8. Are Type 2’s Planners or Worriers? Yes, we are the ones most likely to have anxiety. I don’t believe it’s because of just plain worrying about everything, it’s because we don’t have a plan and again, don’t want to be uncomfortable. One night, I got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and decided to check my e-mail. In it, I received a request to speak in front of everyone at church. I thought about it for the next couple of hours until I figured out exactly how long I felt I would be able to handle it (given my physical limitations) if at all. Once I worked it out in my head, I was able to sleep again. When a big event is coming up, we feel better when we plan out how long it takes to get ready, how long it takes to get there, and even what may happen when we are there.

The other reason that I believe that we worry is because we want to do everything the right way. Yes, we can be called “Perfectionists”, but it’s because we are so naturally good with details. We want every detail to be perfect. We may have lists of details on paper of the things we would like to accomplish or become overwhelmed with details in our head and need to take some time to process it all.

9. Type 2’s are Readers or Researchers. I’m happy to be surrounded with my favorite books, a soft place to read, and a day to spend doing just that. I am a big one to get sucked into a good novel or self-help book. It provides for a safe escape from being overwhelmed or a way to be better at what I want to learn. (which is currently my family’s mental and physical health or schooling.) And of course, I have to research what is best, think about it for a while, pray on it, ask around, research again to make sure, and then decide (mostly likely repeating this process over again even after decision.)

Type 2’s also may become Poets or Writers. Writing is a beautiful form of expression since we, as Type 2’s aren’t always the greatest at using our voice. I have found that my daughter is following my footsteps in being a natural poet.

10. Type 2’s LOVE Cuddles. One of the things that my parents initiated in our family that was a life-saver is always hugging and kissing when greeting or leaving each other. Type 2’s love to touch or be around soft or plush things. One of the reasons why I love cats and hamsters is that they are soft and cuddly. One day, my daughter was having a really whiny day. I asked her if she was hungry or tired and she replied no. (or course) I asked if she wanted to wear one of my soft scarves. She agreed, wore it while she focused on her homework, then took it off to go play when she was done. She said that she felt better.

After my Type 2 Daughter was born, I injured myself and had a hard time physically moving for months. She cuddled with me in the hospital and for 8 months thereafter. She is the ONLY baby that would stay still enough to cuddle for long periods of time. Now, all of my kids with secondary Type 2’s are also cuddlers, but it’s not easy for them to stay still.

There are certain times, however, where it is NOT okay to cuddle. When Type 2’s are angry, they do not feel they can trust the world at that time and maybe in particular, YOU, so do not touch unless invited. They may need to process their emotions for a while, then trust you to talk it through before allowing touch.

I hope this encourages you to see the Calm, Soft, Detailed, and Tender-hearted person that Type 2’s really are. Let’s recognize and appreciate each others’ strengths. We don’t have to put each other down for being different. We can love each other, understand each other, and let each other become the gifts we were meant to be.

---

---

Other Related Articles:

10 Things I Learned from my Type 1: Fun-Loving Son

10 Things I Learned from my Type 3: Determined Daughter

10 Things I Learned from my Type 4: Serious Son

Dressing Your Truth

Relationships

The Child Whisperer

---

---

The Child Whisperer

My discovery of the Dressing Your Truth program was amazing in my life! After working on that for a few months, I realized that I needed to attack the stress area of my life… with my kids. I’d already been looking for a new parenting book and had run across The Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle. It seemed a bit pricey, though, so I prayed about it, searched for other answers, and was lead right back to it. I finally looked at the comments of others who had bought it. Everything seemed good about it, so I thought, “What have I got to lose?” I’m so very grateful that I did. The Child Whisperer went way more in depth than the Dressing Your Truth program! This was such a validation of how I had acted as a child and why I took things so hard! I got this book to be a better parent, but it was also healing for me. I don’t care if you have kids or not, this book is for you!

Now, yes, I initially got this book because I was clashing with my children… especially one child in particular: my head-strong oldest. I already had done the Dressing Your Truth program and had understood what my children’s Dominant Types were…. I have one of each Type. I just didn’t know that I could parent them according to their Type of Energy/Personality.

My oldest is a Type 4; the Type of my Mother and my Husband. I was easily angered by Type 4’s because I felt controlled. I began reading The Child Whisperer book in the Type 4 chapter and took an entire month just to read, learn, and apply what I had learned. My son and I were no longer clashing every day about everything like we had done previously, and I was shocked at the results. Honestly, some of the things that I had changed, I knew my son had tried to talk to me about before, but I didn’t understand the necessity. He asked for privacy, but he had to share a room with his younger Type 1 brother. He would get upset when I pointed out what he’d done wrong in front of the whole family. I would discipline him being critical of his siblings. I learned that I could address these issues in a better way. I learned that the things that I thought were wrong about  my children can be a gift. I have been reading and applying this book with each of my children and learning to understand them, love them, encourage, and allow them to be the gifts that God designed them to be instead of trying to control them.

When you don’t have what you NEED, you may feel that you are unloved and misunderstood. I have seen way too many people act out because of feeling this way. I have now come to the conclusion that EVERYONE NEEDS:

1. To be LOVED- I have really enjoyed the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman that helped me to understand the different ways that we all feel, express, and NEED to be loved. I used to get upset that one of my children was constantly seeking attention in a bad way. I now realize that she was seeking to be loved in her way.
2. To be UNDERSTOOD-This book: The Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle has helped me to understand myself, my children, my extended family, and many others around me. I had been so judgmental thinking that there was only one way to be. I’m so grateful to be able to understand others which makes it easier to love them.
3. To be DISCIPLINED– I used to have the quote on my wall as a teenager, “If you don’t discipline yourself, others will discipline you.” While I enjoyed The Child Whisperer book and I need to discipline my children less, now, I really enjoyed the books by Dr. Kevin Leman on Positive Parenting. However, without understanding how the person takes things or why, it will be less effective.

---

---

---

---

Other Articles like this one:

10 Things I Learned from my Type 1: Fun-Loving Son

10 Things I Learned as a Type 2 Mom with a Type 2: Sensitive Daughter

10 Things I Learned from my Type 3: Determined Daughter

10 Things I Learned from my Type 4: Serious Son

Dressing Your Truth

Parenting

Personalities

---