As a Type 2, I have had a hard time being around Type 3’s or Type 1/4’s because I have felt over-powered. I am VERY grateful for the Child Whisperer book in teaching me how to not take our differences personally, but to see the gift that each energy type is and how we complement each other when we respect each other. Type 3’s are very assertive, strong-willed, and determined. Type 2’s are soft, sensitive, and take their time. I have learned and am still learning more about Type 3’s through my Type 3 Daughter. I hope that the insight I have found in our home can help you in your life as well.
1. Type 3’s are Dynamic! I was lying in bed one morning as the day was beginning and all of a sudden stomping footsteps of my youngest came down the stairs loudly announcing, “I here!” Type 3’s intend to be heard. Wherever we go, my Type 3 Daughter says “hi” to strangers and if they don’t respond back, she’ll say it louder repetitively to make sure they heard her.
I was also thrown aback when my Type 3 Daughter began crazy tantrums at 12 months old. Most of my kids did not begin to try tantrums until about 18 months old. I have never been one to give a child what they want when screaming at me, but it has been a challenge to figure out what is best for everyone. We have found the best way for us to deal with it, is to have a place for her to go to scream her heart out and to come back and talk when she’s ready. It doesn’t do her any good to not be able to express her emotion, but it doesn’t help anyone else to be in the middle of it.
2. Type 3’s are Physical. Type 3’s experience their world physically. They are doers. One of my favorite family pictures is of my Type 3 Daughter tackling her Type 1 older Brother with a hug. She really doesn’t know her own strength and shows her love physically. Type 3’s are also great at sports if encouraged. My Type 3 Daughter loves to be tickled, chased if I’m roaring at her, and big strong hugs. Recently, my Type 3 Daughter was playing tag and accidentally pushed her older brother instead of tagging.
When my Type 3 Daughter was a baby she loved to touch textures on different people’s clothing. As she grew, she was the one who was into EVERYTHING: toilet paper, paints, her older sister’s fingernail polish, markers, her older brother’s pets or anyone’s toys. She does not feel that anything was off-limits. Again, this is just her exploring her world physically.
3. Type 3’s are Direct and expect that it return. When anyone comes over that my Type 3 Daughter hasn’t seen for a while, she expects a hug or to sit on their lap. Some have tried to ignore her request and found that she will sit on them, anyway, or keep asking. Some have tried to give her a lengthy reason of why that would not be a good idea right now. Unless the answer is a Yes or No, she doesn’t hear it. You will not hurt her feelings if you are direct. In fact, she would prefer that. That being said, don’t ask her if she wants to do something unless you mean it! She may say “Yes” and head out the door to accomplish what you said. We have found it a challenge, though, to not say “no” too much.
A Type 1 friend of mine told me a story of how a Type 3 in her life bought her clothes. For a while my Type 1 Friend was just being nice and accepted them. In doing so, the Type 3 expected payment. My Type 1 Friend felt like she had to defend herself and tell her that she didn’t like it in the first place and felt “pushed” by the Type 3 to tell her why. After the heated discussion, my Type 1 Friend said that she was just exhausted. The Type 3 then exclaimed that it had been “fun.” The Type 3 felt like she was finally getting to know the Type 1, but the Type 1 felt like she’d been in battle.
4. Type 3’s are High Energy. My two high-energy children run back and forth on the hardwood floors all day. While my Type 1 is super fast, my Type 3 is super loud. She stomps when she runs. This is just the natural way that she moves. Both types are constantly moving. My Type 3 would rather run most anywhere.
I have learned in the last year to tell my Type 3 Daughter last that we are going to do something. She expects it to happen right away when I tell her. Because of my slower energy, I would get frustrated that she was ‘pushing’ me to do right away what I said I was going to do. But recently, that has been changing.
A Type 3 may have an appointment to keep and try to do as many things as possible before the appointment. Sometimes, they try to accomplish too much because they love accomplishing many things at once. So, now, when I tell her last that we are leaving, she’s trying to do many things on her way out the door.
5. Type 3’s like to Accomplish Results and Enjoy a Job Done! If it doesn’t achieve fast quick results, it is not worth their time. My mom invited her Type 3 friend to help her with a job that was overwhelming. As a Type 3, she assessed the job and decided that it was not something that she wanted to accomplish and declined. A Type 3 does not want to begin something that they do not see themselves accomplishing especially if it’s not their idea. However, when they do accomplish a job, they like to celebrate it. Usually a Type 3 is accomplishing 3-4 projects at one time.
I have given my Type 3 Daughter a few different chores. If she feels that I’m going to be too picky about it, it’s too overwhelming for her. If she feels she can get it done super fast, she does it fast. Because I like to be organized as a Type 2, I work together with her; I have put things in piles and told her where the piles go and she’s happy to work with me. And who better to celebrate success with than friends and family!
6. Type 3’s are Natural-Born Leaders. If you have a group of people and a plan, the Type 3 in the group will nominate themselves as the leader and set forth to get the job done. They will not wait for someone to nominate them because they know what needs to be done and aren’t afraid to do it or to tell others how to do it. My Type 3 Daughter has no problem telling everyone what to do, how to do it, and because “Mommy said!” My Type 4 Son and my Type 3 Daughter are great at understanding each other, getting the job done, and bossing others around.
7. Type 3’s are Determined and Persistent. One of the things that I love most about Type 3’s is their optimism. Because of their ability to know exactly what they want, Type 3’s make a decision quickly and attempt to accomplish what they have decided. With most of my children, I could tell when they were going to do something they weren’t supposed to. My Type 3 Daughter never had the expression of “When you leave this room, I’m going to…” She always decided quickly and attempted to get what she wanted also very quickly. (Toilet paper all over the bathroom, carving ABC’s in her bedroom door with scissors, painting her bed with fingernail polish, etc.) The only thing stopping her was whether or not she felt she could accomplish that thing. My Type 3 Daughter has been the easiest to potty-train and to learn to swim. I just encouraged her and told her that it was her choice. However, she decided against rock climbing, when she felt pushed into it, with a definite, “NO!”
8. REDIRECT!!! Because Type 3’s are Determined High-Energy people, they are like an electronic train on a one-way track. When you try and stop them from accomplishing what they determined to do, it feels like they are hitting a wall over and over until you allow them to go. The best thing to do in this situation is to pick the electronic train up and turn it around or put it on a different track: Redirect. I have actually said, “Go do something else,” and she has been able to redirect herself.
I also realized that Time-outs, as a way to think about what she did wrong, did NOT always work. My Type 3 Daughter could NOT connect what she did with sitting still. (She just became bored and tried to figure out something to do instead of think… playing with hands, ripping up a Styrofoam cup and making a letter out of it, singing, etc.) It was incredibly frustrating and confusing for both of us using time-outs as a way to help her understand what happened. Instead of time-outs, I gave her something to do. She would think while cleaning up the walls, putting away the shoes, or picking up her toys or books. We would talk after she did a chore and she would immediately recall what was wrong and say that she’s sorry. If she did the offense again, I would then follow it with previously discussed discipline. I also DO use time-outs as a place to calm down, and when she’s ready to do as I ask, come out.
9. Type 3’s are Competitive. When my Type 1 Son starts to run, he knows that he always has a partner. My Type 3 Daughter will jump right up and run with him and try to beat him. In sports, a Type 3 is usually more competitive than any other player. Type 3 is also the best Type to set a Timer to get something done to see if they beat the clock. Her favorite way to do chores is for me to count down from 60 seconds or set the timer on the clock. (as a Type 2, the beeping on the clock became a little too much for me to do consistently.)
Because of their Determined, Persistent, Dynamic High-Energy, Type 3’s are great at setting up a business. Their ability to only hear “yes or no” also makes them great salespeople. If you want someone to go into business with, a Type 3 may be your best option.
10. Sometimes, Type 3’s just need your acknowledgement. Because of Type 3’s desire to celebrate their accomplishment’s, they also want others to do the same. It’s a big deal! On more than one occasion during the day, my Type 3 Daughter is shouting, “Yeah! I did it!”
That being said, I have also noticed what when my Type 3 Daughter gets hurt, she just wants acknowledgement. If I hear a big boom, I shout into the other room, “Are you okay?” I hear back, “I’m okay!” as she comically gets right back up with an, “All better!” If I do not acknowledge that she was hurt, she will make a scene.
So, while in the past, I have probably seen the worst in my Type 3 Daughter in these things, I understand, now because of The Child Whisperer, that she has many gifts. I am still learning, especially considering I have stayed away from Type 3’s most of my life, but I am grateful that I have learned so much on how to respect my Type 3 Daughter. If you’re having trouble with a Type 3 in your relationship, Acknowledge Them, Be Direct, and Redirect! It’s amazing what understanding can do in your relationship!
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