Recently, I attended a charity dinner. I was quite distraught because I was having a hard time with different foods and my energy levels because of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. I thought, “If people ask me how I am, how can I answer honestly? People don’t want to hear, ‘I don’t feel well.’”
Then the main speaker got up and talked about how she had lost her Pastor husband and son within a year of each other. While talking to an accountability partner and friend, she asked the question, “How do I grieve well? I have helped others through grieving and it’s not pretty. I need to be able to grieve, but I don’t want to hurt others in the process.” She replied, “Let God take care of you. Watch the ways that He does.” Needless to say, I was balling and felt this woman was talking to me.
I am an independent person and LOVE to take care of myself and others around me. My main Love Language is Service… and it’s hard for me to let others love me that way. I’m not sure exactly why. Maybe because “Service” isn’t the same as just spending time together or gifts…. It’s specific. I love the dishes done, I like particular clothes, a particular kind of cookies or jewelry, things done that I specifically ask for, things given that I specifically need…. I’m a tough cookie to love especially with my independent exterior who hates to ask.
While going through my own grieving process of “this is the way my life is now,” I’ve had to let go of my own expectations of myself. I’ve had to let go of the pride that I have in being able to take care of things myself or of things just getting done. I’ve had to allow myself to be singled out which is NOT something that I crave at all. I’ve been able to take a step back even complaining to God, “I don’t like this one bit, but I trust You to help me in the time You feel is best, in whatever way You think is best.”
And I watched God Love Me… I’ve had people actually sit and listen while I explain what I’m going through. I’ve had people offer to pray for me. I went to church and had people there by my side ready to catch me, walk with me, and take over for me. I went to Bible Study and met a friend going through a different experience be able to relate to me when I was feeling alone and insufficient. I’ve had people offer to clean my house or take my kids so I can get rest. I’ve had things break down in my home, no way to get another, and a friend offer theirs to me even if I didn’t ask. And while I was curled up in my bed frustrated with finances and praying, God told me, “Do what you can, and I’ll do the rest.” I went out to my mailbox and someone wrote us an anonymous card, “God wanted me to bless you” with a gift card in it. “Get what you need.” I just broke down crying, “God you DO love me. This is hard for me, but I trust You.”
Sometimes, it takes something big to make us stop and realize how much God is taking care of us… how much He really does Love us. I hope it doesn’t. But it looks like, for me, I need sit still and watch more. God loves us no matter what we are going through, in the ways that we need, just Trust Him. Watch how He takes care of you after you’ve done all you can. Watch how He answers prayers of yours and those you hadn’t even asked, yet, because He Loves You.
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