Tag Archive | Suffering

Feel Your Emotions

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November, over year ago, I first experienced Fibromyalgia. I had a confrontation with someone at Bible Study and I didn’t feel like I had a voice in the situation. I was angry and became depressed. Within the week, I had insomnia and pain up my spine and over my shoulders so bad that no one could touch me. It was not only hard to experience those physical pains, but one of my main Love Languages is touch which left me feeling lonely.

 

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I worked with a friend of mine to find the best essential oils for me to help heal the inflammation. Within a month, I was able to get the pain gone.

 

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Doing the Dressing Your Truth program began to teach me that I am lovable and created beautiful in my own type. I began to be excited to be me and tell others what I had learned.

 

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In the process, I had friends that were angry with me for doing so. I began to notice a pattern in these confrontations and I would feel the pain severely again. Some of it was that I would turn to my sugar addiction and my body is already out of balance with bad bacteria causing Leaky Gut. Part of it is that I would revert right back to “Somebody doesn’t like me, I’m not good enough” thinking. I realized after the last time, that I’d had enough of taking my anger out on me.

 

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I began to go to counseling to learn to deal with my anger in a healthy way. And here I’ve been learning to set boundaries in my relationships, to be more patient with myself, and to use my voice.

 

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One of the things that my counselor has been reiterating is that emotions don’t last very long. If we don’t allow ourselves to feel our emotions, it turns into suffering.

 

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I used to stop myself from crying because it wasn’t a “positive” emotion. I felt that it was incorrect to be angry or to cry. I would still be angry, I just wouldn’t express it. Pretending that the feeling wasn’t there didn’t make it go away. My anger would then last for a few days, then I would get depressed for a few days thinking that it was my fault that I was feeling angry and it was wrong. Then would find a way to move on.

 

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But this weekend, my husband and I went out to eat at a buffet. Going out to eat is hard for me because so many things can knock me back down again. I got a lot of meat and found a few veggies that were not covered in sauces. My husband sits down with carbs. I looked at his plate and said, “I miss that.” He said that a little bit would probably not hurt me, but in this healing stage, I need to stay away from it. I also know that I wouldn’t stop with a little bit because I fear I may never have it again and go overboard.

 

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And I began to cry. This time, I didn’t stop it. I cried because of grief over the loss of my favorite foods. I cried because it wasn’t fair. I cried because I caused this damage to my body. I cried because I don’t know how long it will take to heal.

 

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And after a couple minutes of crying over my food, it was over. I took a deep breath and felt great! I didn’t not mourn for the rest of the day. I did not mope about it for the next week. I wasn’t angry with myself, depressed about it, nor did I feel the Fibromyalgia pain. I’m so excited that I’m learning!!! I’m getting it!!! It’s one thing to know what is wrong with you, or have the answer of how to get better, but accomplishing that task is so rewarding!!

 

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I know that without my vitamins and supplements right now, I would still and have crashed. I know that diet changes and exercise are crucial and I don’t have it down, yet! I know that I need to be especially careful around hormone changes. I know that what works for me, may not work for everyone, but it doesn’t mean there aren’t answers for you. I know that addressing whatever caused the problem may not be the only way to heal. Because all parts of the body work together, one thing can affect all the other. By praying, hoping, being willing to seek and find answers, and paying attention to my body, I was able to see the connection for me. I am excited that I am practicing feeling my emotions, learning how to voice them, that it is okay to do so, and that I’m getting this part!!! I am healing!

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Climbing out of the Canyon

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Last year, I feel like I fell into this deep canyon. Many people who had the same thing that I have called it “chronic” with “no cure” adding to feelings of hopelessness. I was experiencing depression so bad my chest ached, pain in all of my joints (Chronic Pain,) nerve pain up my back (Fibromyalgia,) emotional and social pain, severe menstrual pain that made me want to throw up (Adenomyosis,) severe migraines, loss of energy (Chronic Fatigue,) fogginess, insomnia, becoming sick on most foods (Mast Cell), and dizziness to the point of passing out (POTS.) I feared for not only my quality of life, but my children’s. I would not be able to homeschool them, I would miss out on their lives, I would need a caregiver, and they would end up in the same predicament as me in the long run. If I had listened to the voices of hopelessness, I would not be where I am today and it would have affected everyone around me.

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But I prayed. I did not moan with the question, “Why me?” I wanted to know what He wanted me to learn. I sought answers. I did not give up. I listened as one man who had experienced severe allergies to everything (Mast Cell) inspired others on a support group with being able to run after one year of hard work. I have fought my way up this canyon wall learning to use many tools along the way with God, the Master Physician, leading me. It’s still tough. Sometimes, I forget to use the tools and want to quit. But I’m still fighting. Today, I am stable with very little medication (the need for it going down monthly), supplements and nutrition, herbs and essential oils, exercise, emotional healing, and I am not afraid to learn more. I am back to cleaning my house, being creative, feeling clear, excited about life, still homeschooling and teaching my kids what I have learned so they never have to experience what I went through, and rarely ever getting dizzy. (When I do, I have my emergency bag with me.) I feel I am halfway back to feeling healthy and still climbing up on this journey.

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Can I cure EDS? No. But I can live out a normal life bringing out the best in my genes and teach my kids to do the same. I am no longer lying down unable to move, no longer afraid, and definitely not hopeless. I want to bring hope to others with the things that I have learned… and last but not least, be there for my own family. NEVER Give up!!! There ARE answers. There IS Hope. You are NOT alone! May God Bless You on your journey as you Seek Him for the Answers He can lead you to.





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