Search Results for: love languages

The Five Love Languages


This series of books (marriage, children, work-place, etc) have been so eye-opening to me; one of the first times I’ve realized why I acted that way, why I felt unloved or loved not to mention how to love others. I find it AMAZING!!!

Just like any other personality book, we all need all of the love languages, but there is one leading love language. If you don’t get this love language, you feel like you are dying inside. I find that I am “bi-lingual” with two of the love languages because of how I grew up.

The Five Love Languages are:

1) Physical Touch

2) Receiving Gifts

3) Acts of Service

4) Quality Time

5) Words of Affirmation

Within each of these “love languages” are different dialects; We speak it in different ways. One of my daughter’s main love languages is physical touch and she hates to be tickled. One of my son’s love languages is also physical touch, and he loves to be tickled and punch his brother in jest. One of my main love languages is Physical Touch because I grew up in a home where you hugged when you saw each other or were leaving, where you kissed before bed or when you woke up, where we tickled each other and had light pillow fights…. However, in my teen years, I felt unloved and suicidal… and it carried over into my marriage. No matter how many wonderful words my husband expressed, I did not believe him and I didn’t care. When someone would give me a gift, it was nice, but if I didn’t need it or even ask for it, it really didn’t matter that much to me. I really didn’t want to spend time with anyone, I was happy by myself. When my husband did the dishes for me, I felt so loved! (even if I did complain at the time that he didn’t do it my way.) When my husband took out the trash for me or brought me my favorite candy…. I thought he was amazing and I felt cared enough to let him near me.


Now, I’m not saying this as a selfish thing; You need to find out what YOUR love language is first and why you act the way you do. But this did NOT make my husband change and love me the way I needed… until I learned how to love him. He is a Quality Time person. I found it really weird how he preferred to spend the money that I’d saved to get him the perfect gift for his birthday on going to a concert or museum together. When I was growing up, I didn’t feel cared about, so I walled myself in my room and learned to love being alone. I hated the t.v. BUT… my husband felt loved by me watching one of his shows at night with him. Now, I don’t even like some of the things he likes, but we compromise and find things that we both might agree upon to watch at night. (I like the 20min shows or things we can shut off and watch more later) He has offered recently to make me a salad before we watch something together and it means the world to me! Then… we spend some time talking about our day, cuddle, and go our separate ways both feeling loved.


This has also helped me to understand which love languages I lack in showing: I am highly critical naturally and have worked hard to become positive in the words that I express. It has been really hard for me to learn Words of Appreciation. But these are things I work on to show my family love because 1st, God loves me!

“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
~1 John 4:8

I know, sounds cliche’ and it is Biblical, but I wanted to talk about a time where I was feeling unloved, crying, felt alone… I was trying to hide it at the table with my two kids at the time. I prayed that “God, I just want to FEEL loved!” And there, my children said, “I love you, Mommy,” gave me a hug, and asked if they could do anything for me. Another instance, I had a newborn, was exhausted, everyone else was busy and I started crying and turned myself away from him praying that I couldn’t handle it. A friend showed up at the door, hugged me, and held the baby… exactly what I needed. God loves us MORE than any human being possibly can. When you are feeling unloved, pray and ask Him to show you! I know He will! He is no respecter of persons and loves you just as much as He loves me.

Other Books on the same Topic by Gary Chapman:

5+love+languages 419-CD94xJL 497d4e996b206eb9c5ecf319f57deb94 49117 9780802483997_p0_v1_s260x420 fivelovelanguages indexf2abcb19a8aef9bd364ef47effa9ab79The One Year Love Language Devotional

Other Related Articles:

The Color Code

The Greek Personality Profile

I Deserve to be Loved

I’ve always despised the attitude of entitlement. “I deserve to have everything I want simply because I’m alive.” I’ve always been taught to work hard for what you want. I’ve also been taught that it is not nice to step on people to get what you want. But you cannot make others love you.


My mother, an amazing lady, taught me by example that service is a wonderful thing. But I also learned to put myself off… I had no idea that it was because I felt that everyone else was more worthy of love than me. I thought it was because I was showing them love by denying myself. “Give until there’s nothing left.” But God cannot use a dry well.


I took on a lie that if others did not love me, I did not deserve it, anyway. This may have been subconscious, but it has haunted me my entire life. This lie has caused plenty of masochistic, depressive, and even suicidal behavior in my life.


When I discovered The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, I was amazed at why I didn’t feel loved, but it didn’t stop me from reverting back to that behavior. Slowly, over years, I began to feel God’s love for me and would thrive on that… but I still had bad days where I would get in relational disagreements and feel unloved… and take it out on myself. I would eventually work through it and depend on God’s love for me again. What was I missing?

Love for myself.

I didn’t think that it was okay to love myself. I mean, “if you’re good enough, others will love you; God loves you no matter what…  I’m not supposed to think of myself.” But eventually the resentment and anger would come out and affect everyone around me. I couldn’t figure out the balance until, I realized that it was okay to care about myself. I have been breaking for a few years, now, and have dropped back to the worst I’ve ever been physically because of neglect. I didn’t exercise because everyone else needed me. Now, I’m suffering such muscle-loss that I’m having a hard time walking or feeling healthy; my body is hanging on these loose ligaments and causing more damage. (See Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome) At first, I was angry with myself for this…


A wonderful friend of mine told me to put it this way: “If you were watching yourself from the outside, how would you treat yourself?”

I am my first nurse, friend, and caregiver.

So, here is my conclusion: God loves me. Taking care of myself is what God wants for me. Loving myself (as long as it’s not taken to the extreme of thinking I’m better than anyone around me) is loving God in return. I am worthy of love just as much as my children, my husband, my neighbors, my friends, etc. If others don’t love me, I can rest in God’s love for me and believe that it’s okay to take care of me for that reason. I am worthy of love and even if I don’t FEEL it from others, I can act on that knowledge.


This has caused such an amazing change in me, that I’m happy with the way God made me. I am made to move and express myself differently than you. I am made pleasing in His sight and I don’t have the need to change myself to please others around me: I like clothes, colors, or the textures that I like because I like them. (See Dressing Your Truth) I am made to think through things a little deeper and longer than others. I can trust that God will continue to help me grow and love me regardless of all that I got done or how fast I got it done in the day. For this perfectionist, this has been an amazing leap for me.


For more articles like this one, Check out Faith and Encouragement

10 Gems I’ve Found and Treasure in My Marriage


I was sitting on the plane beside my husband getting ready to go on our honeymoon. I’d never been on a plane before let alone over 2,000 miles away from my family. I looked out of the window to see my Mom, Dad, and sister waving in the window. All of a sudden, I realized that I wanted my Daddy! The man who’d protected me, and made sure that I was taken care of… The man who’d taken me in for stitches, knew that I’d need health insurance with my accident-prone self, the man who could pick me up and carry me to help if needed… How was this barely out of teenage-hood husband going to take care of me if he didn’t know me! Now, mind you, we had dated off and on throughout our teenage years, but he didn’t understand me like my Daddy!




The flight attendant spoke to everyone on the flight just then: “Folks, we have over-booked this flight. Would anyone be willing to get on a later flight, and receive extra flight miles compensation?” I didn’t care what that meant, but I knew I could get off right then. I started to stand, and my husband grabbed my hand, and shook his head, “no.” But… But… As we took off, I cried. I knew they were crying, too. This was my new life. The man beside me would now take care of me. He would learn how to love me the way I needed. But I prayed with all my might that I could feel God’s presence with me, and that it would be okay.




As you embark on this new journey, you may very well be thinking, “We’ve got what many couples lack: True Love. All you need is Love.” But as the infatuation fades, and you are left with the hard work of building a love that lasts, I would like to prepare you with some wisdom that I have learned that I hope may help you on your new endeavor. Here are Some Gems I’ve Found in My Marriage that I Treasure…



#1 Know Thyself and to Thine Own Self Be True

Runaway Bride is one of my favorite movies. I laugh so hard at how she bolts in many various, spontaneous ways. But, I also love the moral. She was trying so hard to be what each potential spouse wanted her to be, and yet, she had no idea who she was. Even in my own life, I realized that I did the same thing. I wore red, because my husband liked it on me. I went along to every big event that he wanted me to until my body crashed again and again. So, if you don’t like eggs, you don’t have to eat them because your spouse tells you to. Do what’s right for you, and respect that your spouse may like something different.



#2 Make sure that Heavenly Father is FIRST in your life.

This person beside you may some days feel like a stranger to you. You may wonder how you can be so far apart and yet live together. You may not even like that person some days. But your Father in Heaven LOVES you and your spouse more than anyone ever could. He knows what each of you NEED. He knows the DESIRES of your hearts. He wants you to feel and BE LOVED because He IS love. Spend time with Him alone everyday. Talk to Him about your frustrations and express your thankfulness to Him at all times. You Never Have to Feel Alone. ❤


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#3 PRAY FOR your spouse.

My mother warned me that there would be times that I wouldn’t like my spouse at all. I didn’t believe her until it happened to me after being married only 3yrs. But what did God ask me to do for him? Pray for him. That ONE change for me made all the difference. I didn’t want to. I was so angry at what I felt was mistreatment, that I wanted revenge. But I prayed for him because God asked me to.



#4 LOVE your spouse.

I don’t mean the passive meaning of “I love my spouse” I mean to actually DO it. Evaluate the Love Languages. Each person needs to know that they are loved in EVERY way, but there is one or two things that your spouse will crave to FEEL loved. Find out which one your spouse craves, and make sure that they are getting what they need. Find out which one you crave, and ask for it; teach your spouse how to love you better. And until they’ve got it down, keep asking God to show you that He loves you. When I craved hugs, my kids were more than willing. When I craved conversation, God gave me a couple of girl friends to fill that role. And in ANY of these love languages, do not intentionally deprive yourself or your spouse. I do not deserve… they do not deserve… it’s not about deserving love. Jesus’ Love is Unconditional, and being a follower of Him means that we are trying to be LIKE Him.


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#5 Try to UNDERSTAND your spouse.

My husband and I decided to go on a marriage retreat with our church group. It was super fun to hang out with married couples. The one thing that I left with, though, was how we responded differently because of a personality assessment. Since then, I have researched and wanted to understand more: from the Greek Personality Profile to The Color Code to whatever the popular trend is. BUT Nothing has helped me more than the Dressing Your Truth program. I learned how our doodling, way of processing things, voice pitch, facial features, body shape, and body movement all fit into our energy type BECAUSE it’s how God made us. I was able to see that my greatest weaknesses were also my strengths depending on how I used them NOT depending on how other’s saw me. I am not only happy with who I am, but I am so grateful for how I can see, now, that my husband complements me.




Many spouses gripe about the things that they don’t like about their spouse, or nag their spouse to do what they want. “I don’t like the way he leaves the toothpaste lid off of the toothpaste… the toilet paper roll is the wrong way… the dirty clothes all over the floor… the house is too messy.” If you concentrate only on the things that you don’t like about your spouse, that is ALL that you will see. If you concentrate on the things that you LOVE about your spouse, you will see MORE of what you love. It is totally okay to respectfully and lovingly address things that you feel are hurtful or that you or your spouse could be better at. But it is NOT okay to be critical, to nag, or to publicly humiliate your spouse to get what you want… even if it’s a “joke.”



#7 Take a Time Out BEFORE things get too Heated. 

Watching my parents argue, my mother would follow my dad and make him talk. Eventually, my dad would end up angry and he’d walk off mad. My husband would do the same thing and follow me when I walked away. Each person has the ability to gauge when they are too angry to think clearly. When you feel that trigger, take a time-out. WALK AWAY when you’re angry, and COME BACK when you’ve cooled off to talk again as many times and as long as it takes! No, it doesn’t have to be in the same night. Many people use the scripture “don’t let the sun go down on your anger” as a sermon on getting over being angry fast or hurry up and solve it before you go to bed. Some things are not that easily solvable. But taking a time-out from that subject, or even a cool-down time and coming back to talk about it when you’re ready, helps to solve things as companions not as opponents.



#8 Pornography is NOT a way to become closer together. 

“Well maybe if we took pictures of… or imitated this action… or had multiple partners…” Seriously, if you want to be closer to your spouse, be close to God FIRST. The closer you are to Him, the more you try to be like Jesus, the more that the Spirit reigns in your home, the closer and more Passionate you will be together.  My husband likes to say that ANY addiction that you have is trying to fill a God-shaped hole in your soul. When you fill yourself with God’s Love, God’s Word, and God’s Spirit, you won’t expect someone or something else to make you feel good. You will feel fulfilled.



#9 Counseling is for those Willing to Work it Out

I can’t tell you how many jokes I’ve heard as reasoning NOT to see a counselor; “I can’t see a ‘shrink.'” “I’m not crazy, so I’m still good.” “People can just put up with my insanity if they really love me.” After the loss of our first baby, my husband and I were fighting non-stop, and he finally agreed to see a counselor with me… to prove that I was crazy and needed help… my motives weren’t any better. We had been taught through our prior experiences that “counseling was for crazy people.” Please do not fall for this misconception. We were healed through counseling… a few times for different reasons. Needless to say, my husband had changed his mind about counseling and decided to pursue his calling in life to be a counselor and help others like us. If you are physically injured or in pain, you’d see a doctor. You don’t only have one physical pain in your life. If you need help working through some things mentally, see a counselor, so that it DOESN’T get out of hand, and be life-threatening, or marriage-threatening.



#10 Make Plans Together 

So, for this last one, I thought I would combine all of the things that others have told me they wished they had known. This includes: Time Management, Budgeting, Cleaning, Cooking, and Parenting to name a few. These are things that you can discuss together, grow together, change together, and grow some more together. What you VALUE will be what you give your time, money, and energy to. If you value your job MORE than your spouse, your time management will focus around your job. If you value your children more than your spouse, your budget and time will show them as your priorities. If you want to make your marriage work, your spouse comes second only to God. If you want to be healthy, you need that alone time with God, time to rest, and time to play, as well as, work. If you want your parenting relationships to work, you need to find ways to spend time individually with each child. Your job should support these priorities. Your friends should support these priorities. Only a strong marriage union, can hope to become a strong family union. And only two people fully dependent on God individually, can hope to have a strong marriage union.








Feel Your Emotions



November, over year ago, I first experienced Fibromyalgia. I had a confrontation with someone at Bible Study and I didn’t feel like I had a voice in the situation. I was angry and became depressed. Within the week, I had insomnia and pain up my spine and over my shoulders so bad that no one could touch me. It was not only hard to experience those physical pains, but one of my main Love Languages is touch which left me feeling lonely.




I worked with a friend of mine to find the best essential oils for me to help heal the inflammation. Within a month, I was able to get the pain gone.




Doing the Dressing Your Truth program began to teach me that I am lovable and created beautiful in my own type. I began to be excited to be me and tell others what I had learned.




In the process, I had friends that were angry with me for doing so. I began to notice a pattern in these confrontations and I would feel the pain severely again. Some of it was that I would turn to my sugar addiction and my body is already out of balance with bad bacteria causing Leaky Gut. Part of it is that I would revert right back to “Somebody doesn’t like me, I’m not good enough” thinking. I realized after the last time, that I’d had enough of taking my anger out on me.




I began to go to counseling to learn to deal with my anger in a healthy way. And here I’ve been learning to set boundaries in my relationships, to be more patient with myself, and to use my voice.




One of the things that my counselor has been reiterating is that emotions don’t last very long. If we don’t allow ourselves to feel our emotions, it turns into suffering.




I used to stop myself from crying because it wasn’t a “positive” emotion. I felt that it was incorrect to be angry or to cry. I would still be angry, I just wouldn’t express it. Pretending that the feeling wasn’t there didn’t make it go away. My anger would then last for a few days, then I would get depressed for a few days thinking that it was my fault that I was feeling angry and that it was wrong to feel that way. Then I would find a way to move on.




But this weekend, my husband and I went out to eat at a buffet. Going out to eat is hard for me because so many things can knock me back down again. I got a lot of meat and found a few veggies that were not covered in sauces. My husband sat down with carbs. I looked at his plate and said, “I miss that.” He said that a little bit would probably not hurt me, but in this healing stage, I need to stay away from it. I also know that I wouldn’t stop with a little bit because I fear I may never have it again and go overboard.




And I began to cry. This time, I didn’t stop it. I cried because of grief over the loss of my favorite foods. I cried because it wasn’t fair. I cried because I caused this damage to my body. I cried because I don’t know how long it will take to heal.




And after a couple minutes of crying over my food, it was over. I took a deep breath and felt great! I didn’t mourn for the rest of the day. I did not mope about it for the next week. I wasn’t angry with myself, depressed about it, nor did I feel the Fibromyalgia pain. I’m so excited that I’m learning!!! I’m getting it!!! It’s one thing to know what is wrong with you, or have the answer of how to get better, but accomplishing that task is so rewarding!!




I know that without my vitamins and supplements right now, I could still and have crashed. I know that diet changes and exercise are crucial and I don’t have it down, yet! I know that I need to be especially careful around hormone changes. I know that what works for me, may not work for everyone, but it doesn’t mean there aren’t answers for you. I know that addressing whatever caused the initial problem may not be the only way to heal. Because all parts of the body work together, one thing can affect all the other. By praying, hoping, being willing to seek and find answers, and paying attention to my body, I have been able to see the connection for me. I am excited that I am practicing feeling my emotions, learning how to voice them, understanding that it is okay to do so, and that I’m getting this part!!! I am healing!


Other Related Articles:

10 Things I Learned as a Type 2 with a Type 2: Sensitive Daughter

Climbing Out of the Canyon

Faith and Encouragement

Get Over It!

I Deserve to Be Loved

I Don’t Need Your Approval

Recovering Perfectionist Here

This Amazing Journey





Setting Boundaries Under Pressure


Recently, I have gotten into conflict in my relationships because I have made decisions very quickly. I didn’t want to give a quick response, but I felt pushed. The phone rings and that person wants to know what time I can take care of something. They want an answer right now. I’m in the middle of helping one of my children and they are frustrated that I’m on the phone when I was helping them. In giving an answer at this frustrating time, I am setting myself up for failure. What I really need is time to think. People are not going to just give me time, I need to make the time. I need to set Boundaries.


  • I do not have to answer the phone when I am busy.

It is so tempting to answer the phone just because it rings. It’s like the phone is saying, “Hey! I have something important to say! Answer me now!” So, by answering it, am I saying that what that person wants is more important than what I am doing? Sometimes, it’s not a big deal to answer the phone. It’s sometimes really nice. But other times, it can be an inconvenience. I have turned my phone on a ring-tone that is calming to help me remember that it’s not an emergency. Other times, I have turned it off.


  • I do not have to give an answer right away. It’s okay to take time to think about it.

If they don’t leave a message, is it really that important? Something my mom instilled in me when I was little is that if they didn’t leave a message, it must not be that important. In this day and age, if you don’t want to leave a voice message, you can text it. This ensures that you get the message and can get back when it’s convenient.

Just say no

  • If this person continues to push for an answer right now, I can just say no.

If this person demands your attention right away all the time and ignoring or even turning off your phone is not working, it’s best to just say no. It is disrespectful and eventually toxic for you to have to continually ask for respect on the same issue.


Now this process is helpful even outside of a phone. If I need to take time to process something, even for just a moment, I can take that time. I can be direct and honest. I can simply say, “I need to think about that and I’ll get back to you.” I am also realizing that it is okay to say, “I don’t know.” “I don’t have the answer right now.” And if that is not accepted and I am pushed beyond my boundary, I can just say “No, thank you.”



For more information on Boundaries, see the series by Dr. John Townsend



For more articles like this one:

Discipline vs. Punishment

The Child Whisperer

The Color Code

The Five Love Languages


The Child Whisperer


My discovery of the Dressing Your Truth program was amazing in my life! After working on that for a few months, I realized that I needed to attack the stress area of my life… with my kids. I’d already been looking for a new parenting book and had run across The Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle. It seemed a bit pricey, though, so I prayed about it, searched for other answers, and was lead right back to it. I finally looked at the comments of others who had bought it. Everything seemed good about it, so I thought, “What have I got to lose?” I’m so very grateful that I did. The Child Whisperer went way more in depth than the Dressing Your Truth program! This was such a validation of how I had acted as a child and why I took things so hard! I got this book to be a better parent, but it was also healing for me. I don’t care if you have kids or not, this book is for you!


Now, yes, I initially got this book because I was clashing with my children… especially one child in particular: my head-strong oldest. I already had done the Dressing Your Truth program and had understood what my children’s Dominant Types were…. I have one of each Type. I just didn’t know that I could parent them according to their Type of Energy/Personality.

My oldest is a Type 4; the Type of my Mother and my Husband. I was easily angered by Type 4’s because I felt controlled. I began reading The Child Whisperer book in the Type 4 chapter and took an entire month just to read, learn, and apply what I had learned. My son and I were no longer clashing every day about everything like we had done previously, and I was shocked at the results. Honestly, some of the things that I had changed, I knew my son had tried to talk to me about before, but I didn’t understand the necessity. He asked for privacy, but he had to share a room with his younger Type 1 brother. He would get upset when I pointed out what he’d done wrong in front of the whole family. I would discipline him being critical of his siblings. I learned that I could address these issues in a better way. I learned that the things that I thought were wrong about  my children can be a gift. I have been reading and applying this book with each of my children and learning to understand them, love them, encourage, and allow them to be the gifts that God designed them to be instead of trying to control them.


When you don’t have what you NEED, you may feel that you are unloved and misunderstood. I have seen way too many people act out because of feeling this way. I have now come to the conclusion that EVERYONE NEEDS:

  1. To be LOVED- I have really enjoyed the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman that helped me to understand the different ways that we all feel, express, and NEED to be loved. I used to get upset that one of my children was constantly seeking attention in a bad way. I now realize that she was seeking to be loved in her way.
  2. To be UNDERSTOOD-This book: The Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle has helped me to understand myself, my children, my extended family, and many others around me. I had been so judgmental thinking that there was only one way to be. I’m so grateful to be able to understand others which makes it easier to love them.
  3. To be DISCIPLINED– I used to have the quote on my wall as a teenager, “If you don’t discipline yourself, others will discipline you.” While I enjoyed The Child Whisperer book and I need to discipline my children less, now, I really enjoyed the books by Dr. Kevin Leman on Positive Parenting. However, without understanding how the person takes things or why, it will be less effective.

Other Articles like this one:

10 Things I Learned from my Type 1: Fun-Loving Son

10 Things I Learned as a Type 2 Mom with a Type 2: Sensitive Daughter

10 Things I Learned from my Type 3: Determined Daughter

10 Things I Learned from my Type 4: Serious Son

Dressing Your Truth



The Color Code

After a friend of mine learned that I love figuring out what makes people tick, she suggested, “The Color Code” by Taylor Hartman. So, I have been reading another person’s take on personalities. I love how Taylor Harman talked about personalities being ingrained in us from the very beginning. He says, “Ask any woman who has given birth to two or more children and she will attest to the fact that while still in the womb her children showed marked differences in their behavior.”


Taylor chooses to categorize the personalities into 4 color categories. He highlights how each of them are portrayed, as well as, their specific wants and needs.

middle_33_15_15---Fire-Flame-Texture_webRED = Power-hungry, Productive, Leaders

blue-earth_00437714BLUE = Altruistic, Intimate, Strong Moral Conscience

element-water-white-backgroundWHITE = Peace, Quiet Strength, Independent, Private

gi-artlab-yellow-smokeYELLOW = Fun, Popular, Active

He gives a Personality Profile in the very beginning of the book to help you figure how which color you are. Later Hartman goes into specifics of each color and suggests that you learn each color to understand others, as well as, yourself.


Some specifics that Taylor suggests are: Answering the profiling questions from your earliest recollections of how you were as a child, asking others for their feedback, and to be honest. He also suggests that it may be difficult in some situations to identify your Dominant Personalty because you were 1) reared in a strong dominating family, 2) you may have unresolved or untreated sexual abuse, 3) you may have theological or cultural biases, or 4) are an individual that may have been born with a closely blended personality: the Dominant and Secondary personality are so close it’s hard to tell which it is.

I had a really difficult time with a couple of people that I thought were “REDS,” but were actually a “WHITE”/”YELLOW” mix with either one being Dominant or Secondary. Where instead of it being a “Power-hungry” type of personality, It was actually someone who was Fun and Active with an Independent and Private side that looked like a “RED” together. The difference is in their actual meaning behind the action, different wants, and different needs.


He establishes strengths, weaknesses, and connections of each type throughout the rest of the book. He ends with the hope that we will establish a “Rainbow Connection” by understanding each other, as well as, ourselves: becoming the best “you” that you can be. It has been enlightening learning more about personalities more deeply from another perspective.

Other books of the same topic by Taylor Hartman Ph.D. are:

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Other Related Articles:

The Five Love Languages

The Greek Personality Profile

Greek Personality Profile

greekpainting-361526This is one of the first “Personality Assessments” that I had heard of. I went to a Marriage Retreat with my husband put on by church and they discussed these personalities and gave us a sheet to evaluate ourselves and our mate with. It was one of the most eye-opening experiences I had. It helped me to understand my husband instead of judge him and it helped me to understand why I felt judged by others. It also helped me to identify my strengths and weaknesses. I realized how much I loved learning about people and was able to love them better by understanding them through profiling.

Hippocrates_by_Peter_EngelsHippocrates by Peter Engel

Hippocrates, a famous Greek philosopher, believed that in order to be healthy, your body needed equal amounts of four liquids called “humors” listed as: black bile, yellow bile, phlegm, and blood. If you got sick, they thought it was because you had too much of one of these humors. So, they tried to cure you by removing some of the humor. If they thought you had too much blood, they would remove some blood from you. Sadly, the theory of the four humors was believed all the way from Hippocrates’s time until the 1800’s, when most historians think modern medicine was developed. In fact, Hippocrates is considered the “Father of Modern Medicine,” even though he was mistaken about the four humors. This is because he was the first major philosopher to reject the idea that supernatural forces caused illnesses. In addition, doctors today are required to take an oath created by Hippocrates, himself that states that doctors should always do good and never harm to anyone.

The Greeks even believed that a person’s personality was affected by his humors. If someone was very calm and relaxed, they thought he had a lot of phlegm, which made him more patient. If he was very energetic and full of ideas, they thought he had extra blood. If he was very controlling and always in charge, they thought he was full of yellow bile. If he was a deep thinker and very emotional, they thought he was full of black bile.

th1 Sanguine (sang’ gwin—blood): Excited, full of energy, usually happy

black_aqua_stripes_wp_by_in_dolly-1600x1200 Melancholy (mel’ uhn kol’ ee—black bile): Thoughtful, artistic, emotional

th Choleric (kol’ uh rik—yellow bile): Controlling, leader, likes to be in charge

th2 Phlegmatic (fleg mat’ ik—phlegm): Easy going and easy to get along with, usually happy

Take a free Personality Assessment Test: CLICK HERE


Or…. Assess yourself and others in your life to understand them better. Remember that you will probably display traits of each personality, however there is usually one dominant personality and one secondary personality. Sometimes this can make it difficult to determine which one you are or what someone you know is. Go with the traits that are more than any other the others. I would also venture to say, the person that you were more as a child unless you were stiffled from being yourself because of a dominating parent or guardian. Have fun!


 Intuitive | The Extrovert | The Talker | The Optimist

 sanguinestrengths sanguineweaknesses

Sanguine Parent Strenths Sanguine Parent Weaknesses

Sanguine Work Strengths Sanguine Work Weaknesses

Sanguine Friend Strengths Sanguine Friend Weaknesses


Conscientious | The Introvert | The Thinker | The Pessimist

 Melancholy Strengths Melancholy Weaknesses

Melancholy Parent Strengths Melancholy Parent Weaknesses

Melancholy Work Weaknesses Melancholy Work Weaknesses2

Melancholy Friend Strengths Melancholy Friend Weaknesses


Dominant | The Extrovert | The Doer | The Optimist

 Choleric Strengths Choleric Weaknesses

Choleric Parent Strengths Choleric Parent Weaknesses

Choleric Work Strengths Choleric Work Weaknesses

Choleric Friend Strengths Choleric Friend Weaknesses


Steady | The Introvert | The Watcher | The Pessimist

 Plegmatic Strengths Plegmatic Weaknesses

Plegmatic Parent Strengths Plegmatic Parent Weaknesses

Plegmatic Work Strengths Plegmatic Work Weaknesses

Plegmatic Friend Strengths Plegmatic Friend Weaknesses

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CHECK OUT more about Personality Profiling!

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Letting God Take Care of Me


Recently, I attended a charity dinner. I was quite distraught because I was having a hard time with different foods and my energy levels because of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. I thought, “If people ask me how I am, how can I answer honestly? People don’t want to hear, ‘I don’t feel well.’”

Then the main speaker got up and talked about how she had lost her Pastor husband and son within a year of each other. While talking to an accountability partner and friend, she asked the question, “How do I grieve well? I have helped others through grieving and it’s not pretty. I need to be able to grieve, but I don’t want to hurt others in the process.” She replied, “Let God take care of you. Watch the ways that He does.” Needless to say, I was balling and felt this woman was talking to me.

I am an independent person and LOVE to take care of myself and others around me. My main Love Language is Service… and it’s hard for me to let others love me that way. I’m not sure exactly why. Maybe because “Service” isn’t the same as just spending time together or gifts…. It’s specific. I love the dishes done, I like particular clothes, a particular kind of cookies or jewelry, things done that I specifically ask for, things given that I specifically need…. I’m a tough cookie to love especially with my independent exterior who hates to ask.


While going through my own grieving process of “this is the way my life is now,” I’ve had to let go of my own expectations of myself. I’ve had to let go of the pride that I have in being able to take care of things myself or of things just getting done. I’ve had to allow myself to be singled out which is NOT something that I crave at all. I’ve been able to take a step back even complaining to God, “I don’t like this one bit, but I trust You to help me in the time You feel is best, in whatever way You think is best.”

Lost and Found by Greg Olsen

And I watched God Love Me… I’ve had people actually sit and listen while I explain what I’m going through. I’ve had people offer to pray for me. I went to church and had people there by my side ready to catch me, walk with me, and take over for me. I went to Bible Study and met a friend going through a different experience be able to relate to me when I was feeling alone and insufficient. I’ve had people offer to clean my house or take my kids so I can get rest. I’ve had things break down in my home, no way to get another, and a friend offer theirs to me even if I didn’t ask. And while I was curled up in my bed frustrated with finances and praying, God told me, “Do what you can, and I’ll do the rest.” I went out to my mailbox and someone wrote us an anonymous card, “God wanted me to bless you” with a gift card in it. “Get what you need.” I just broke down crying, “God you DO love me. This is hard for me, but I trust You.”

564852_230603630378191_230315904_nSometimes, it takes something big to make us stop and realize how much God is taking care of us… how much He really does Love us. I hope it doesn’t. But it looks like, for me, I need sit still and watch more. God loves us no matter what we are going through, in the ways that we need, just Trust Him. Watch how He takes care of you after you’ve done all you can. Watch how He answers prayers of yours and those you hadn’t even asked, yet, because He Loves You.

For more articles like this one, Check out Faith and Encouragement


Christian-marriage-131I think marriage is one of the toughest relationships and yet the most fulfilling relationships that two can have. Living with your best friend, being vulnerable, allowing another imperfect person so close to you can be very tough. But having someone to comfort you, encourage you, and help you when you cannot is an amazing flip-side of the coin. When talking to my mother-in-law about how we were “going to counseling” very early in our marriage, she stated that married couples should be in counseling for the first 5 years of marriage, at least! Looking back, I realize not only how right she was, but that we should be willing to go to counseling whenever needed for as long as it takes to learn to love the person the way they need, to respect each other, and to work out the disagreements from two different people coming from two different backgrounds trying to mold into one. But, as in all good things, it takes work!

“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” ~Proverbs 31:10-12

“Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” ~Colossians 3:19

“Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” ~Genesis 2:22-25

The 5 Love Languages


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