I grew up where the t.v. was on in the evenings and nobody was allowed to talk. I began to resent t.v. and would spend a lot of my teenage years in my room alone. I did not feel cared about. With my own family, I limit t.v. and make sure that my kids know that “People are more important.” But that doesn’t always show in my actions in everything else I do.
I’m a natural organizer. I love order. Things run smoother. Everyone knows their job and what time it should be done by to have plenty of time to play. That’s just not life with kids. It reminds me of The Sound of Music where the Captain runs his house and kids like a naval ship. It’s Control.
Now, yes, I believe there should be order, but that if I were so strict about it, there would be no peace. There needs to be a balance. I’m also trying to teach my kids self-discipline. How are they going to learn that if I’m standing over them making sure they do what they’re supposed to do every second?
If I’m constantly worried about what my kids are or not doing, I’m a wreck and cannot do what I’m doing. Again, there needs to be a balance; natural consequences are amazing tools for teaching. But, it also has to do with the attitude that is followed through. If we’re constantly feeling like a failure at meeting this or that goal of perfection, we are missing what life is really about.
This week, we went over the 10 commandments and that Jesus grouped them all into “Love God, Love Others.”(Matthew 38-40) I’ve also attended a funeral of a child, and attended a fundraiser where I listened to how a woman got through her son and husband passing away within a year of each other. God often talks to me this way in 3’s because it takes me a while to get it. How often do my kids feel loved by me? Am I being so selfish that I’m ruining not only what they think of me, but their own self-worth? Is that the kind of legacy I’m leaving?
I didn’t become a parent so that I could ruin their lives, but so I could love them and train them up in the Lord. (Proverbs 22:6) I will never be perfect and neither will they. But, if there’s one thing, God wants me to leave them, it’s 1) that He enriches my life because He loves me and He loves them, too and 2) that we need to keep striving to love Him and others in return. (1 John 4:7-21) That is a beautiful life. That is what gives one the confidence to accomplish great things. That is the legacy I’d like to leave.
So, I have a new perspective; to live like it’s my last day, hour, minute, or even second. I may not get another chance.
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